If you want to drastically reduce the likelihood of damage to anything you’re shipping, just print a flat-screen TV on the side of the box.
Thursday, September 22nd, 2016
I recently received a sample of “Halfpops”, a “curiously crunchy” popcorn snack. As the name implies, it’s popcorn that’s not fully popped. Frankly, the concept sounds rather awful, conjuring images of cracking one’s teeth on the unpopped kernels at the bottom of a bowl of popcorn. In truth, the snack is not bad. However, the package includes some rather dubious math:
“Popcorn Perfected”? Like America, popcorn is already great! It’s not in need of perfecting, and even if it were, removing the fluff would not be the way to do it. Fluff is a key feature of popcorn, not something to be subtracted away. With math skills like these, it’s certainly good that these folks aren’t rocket scientists.
Thursday, September 15th, 2016
Yo, it’s about to get loud up in the pharmacy, because CVS has come to paaaaar-tay! They’re urging you to “bring in the gang”. Why? For flu shots, you sucka:
I know you want to get bumpin’, but before you boogie down the block, please bear in mind the footnote from the very first, and largest, line of copy.
* Flu shots available when MinuteClinic® health care provider is on duty, while supplies last. Age restrictions apply. Patients 18 months and older in most states, 24 months and older in KY, 5 years and older in CT.
It’s for the whole family, except not newborns, nor Kentucky toddlers, nor Connecticut preschoolers, ya heard? Change the phrasing of a marketing image to avoid the need for an enormous asterisk? That would simply not be fresh!
Now, while a high dose flu shot might sound like it’d simply be the flu injected directly into your body, that is not the case. It’s actually a dope vaccine designed for the AARP set, and it contains four times the antigen of the normal shot, giving your gran and pappy some powerful, popping protection against illness.
Peep those bandages in the image. So many stylish colors and sizes! What do they represent? I have no earthly idea! I am unable to match them up to any logical family structure. Please don’t give yourself a headache trying to make sense of this the way I did, or you will need to purchase aspirin while you are at the CVS.
If you have questions, don’t bother dialing, because this apothecary is off the hook, and also it does not have call-waiting. Just get your fly ass down to the drugstore, and you can ask them “What’s up, Doc?”. After that, prepare to receive your vaccination via a needle that punctures your forearm, which may be followed by several days of soreness and aches. Does CVS know how to party or what?