Cut ’Em Up 

Monday, May 30th, 2016

The psychology of subtle tweaks we can make to encourage good behavior is fascinating, and sliced apples are no exception.

A Fool for a Client 

Friday, May 27th, 2016

I’ve just created a Google alert for the phrase “serving as his own attorney”1, because stories that include that line are almost always incredible. The case against Dr. William J. O’Brien III appears to be no exception. He’s accused of illegally prescribing narcotics and seeking sex as payment, and the article on the opening statements is a hell of a thing. This line from the end is just one of many worth of note:

O’Brien also has sought permission to use “four copies of a hardback Dr. Seuss publication” during his defense, according to a court filing last week. The reason is unclear.

If you live in the Philadelphia area, you might consider taking a day to see the spectacle. It’s expected to have a six-week run, and every show is different!


Footnotes:

  1. I created an alert for “serving as her own attorney” as well, but this seems to be something which is done almost exclusively by men. ↩︎

Earth’s Remaining Trees Breathe a Sigh of Relief 

Thursday, May 26th, 2016

In sad news today, CVS is ending their long-running “Buy a 12 pack of toilet paper, get a 13th roll free” promotion.

Well Handled, NYPD 

Wednesday, May 25th, 2016

Data analyst Ben Wellington recently discovered that the New York City police department was issuing thousands of incorrect parking citations each year. The availability of open data is what led to his discovery, and the correction of the problem.

The Vegan Bernie Madoff 

Tuesday, May 24th, 2016

A headline like that is really all you need, but this bizarre tale also includes gambling, celebrity cameos, and a Domino’s-eating bad influence who looks quite a bit like Kevin Smith.

Why’d He Rat Himself Out? 

Monday, May 23rd, 2016

My pal Shane Cyr delights in using various communications mediums (like the new Talkshow) for real participation in fake conference calls. Now, another guy living in California has managed the reverse: fake participation in real conference calls.

You Really Do

Friday, May 20th, 2016

Recently, while sating my desire to eat food out of a cylinder, I stumbled upon something rather disturbing. It seems Pringles has a new social media campaign. On the top of each tube is this message:

ALT NAME

Once I saw this, I was forced to wonder if I’ve been using Pringles wrong my entire life. I contemplated how else one might make use of Pringles, and came up with a brief list. I recognize that even mocking this ad campaign is enhancing the mindshare of Pringles, and thereby playing right into the hands of the Kellogg Company, but so it goes.

An Incomplete List of Things You Do With Pringles Besides Eating ’Em

  • You use ’em to duck yourself.

    Yours truly, ducking himself
    Quack.

  • You use ’em in the bedroom. I don’t know how, and I don’t wanna know how, but rule #34 ensures that someone has found a no–doubt–deeply–unsettling way. Frankly, that’s immediately what I assumed this meant, and I was fairly grossed out.

  • You share one with that dog who’s sitting patiently at your feet.

  • You teach a geometry lesson with ’em. (OK, that’s actually pretty good.)

  • You eat ’em, then you digest ’em, then, well, you deposit ’em into the sewage system.

Ultimately, however, the results of a Twitter search for the hashtag “#YouDontJustEatEm” prove that people mainly do two things with Pringles. First, they eat ’em. And second, they tweet to ask just what the hell else folks are doing with ’em.

Intolerant of Intolerance 

Thursday, May 19th, 2016

I missed the despicable story of Gil Parker Payne and his religious intolerance last December. Here’s the gist:

Payne, who was seated several rows behind the woman, walked up the aisle towards her while the plane was still in flight, stopped next to her seat, and said, “Take it off! This is America!” When she didn’t follow his orders, he proceeded to pull her hijab all the way off, leaving the woman’s head exposed.

Last week, however, Mr. Payne pled guilty to using force or threat of force to intentionally obstruct the free exercise of religious beliefs. This is America.

Carpageddon 

Wednesday, May 18th, 2016

I can foresee no way in which killing invasive carp using herpes will lead to a horror movie scenario for the continent of Australia.

Security Search Management & Problems Ltd 

Tuesday, May 17th, 2016

You have one chance to guess what happens when a private security firm runs a training exercise at a soccer stadium, then accidentally forgets their mock bomb.