The Bell Tolls for Glen

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

In my daily reading of Taco Bell’s website, I came upon this tribute to their fallen founder:

Taco Bell Tribute

Please note that Mr. Bell1, founder of Taco Bell, isn’t being honored by any sissy “Mild” or even “Hot” sauce. No, he commands the respect of the hottest hot sauce, Fire2. Hot sauce packets started sporting sassy slogans years back, so this seems a fittingly undignified tribute for the founder of an undignified restaurant.

What really puts it over the top for me, however, is the music player in the upper right. From least to most inappropriate, the music choices are:

The Taco Bell Orchestra Mix

It’s not really on target, but an orchestra is as close to ceremony and honor as you’re going to find here.

The Taco Bell Club Mix

While not exactly downbeat, the Club Mix is at least soft, even soothing.

The Taco Bell Hip Hop Mix

The Hip Hop Mix actually is downbeat, and one can easily imagine a memorial rap being performed over it. I rank it as more inappropriate than the Club Mix because, well, Glen Bell was not a gangsta. And yes, that image is real3.

The Taco Bell Lounge Mix

It’s suitably mellow, yes, but it leaves me feeling I should be sipping a Mai Tai in a grotto somewhere. That has made me sad, but only because I realized I don’t hang out in enough grottos.

The Taco Bell Salsa Mix

This is far too upbeat, though it is the closest to real salsa that Taco Bell ever gets.

The Taco Bell Brand Mix

We have a winner! The background music from the company’s ads is easily the least appropriate music to mourn by.

If you’re actually feeling in a solemn mood, you can visit tacobell.com and mouse over the logo in the upper left. The bell will chime, an angel will get its gastrointestinal problems, and Glen Bell will be honored.


Footnotes:

  1. Many were shocked to learn that anyone would willingly associate his name with it, but indeed, Taco Bell was named after its founder. ↩︎

  2. On a completely unrelated side-note, I’m finding it difficult to believe that there was no American Gladiator named “Fire”. Nitro, Blaze, even Zap, but no Fire? ↩︎

  3. That’s the cover from his book, Taco Titan: The Glen Bell Story ↩︎


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