Does Pascal’s Wager Apply to Twitter?

Thursday, July 18th, 2013

As has been widely reported, the Catholic Church is now offering indulgences for Catholics who follow the pope on Twitter. These indulgences supposedly reduce the time Catholics will spend in purgatory after their death. It is not clear at this time if, like carbon credits, they can be traded and sold. However, indulgences can be earned for many things, such as climbing Rome’s Sacred Steps or attending Catholic World Youth Day, a strangely-named week-long event in Rio de Janeiro.

The burning question everyone should be asking: Did the Catholic Church lift this transactional system from Dropbox?

Dropbox's Indulgances

For now we can only speculate on the relationship between earning free storage space and reducing your time stuck in limbo. Even if the idea isn’t original, however, it does sound like a pretty sweet deal. In seconds, and with virtually no cost, you can save yourself literally years in the boredom of purgatory.

But a senior Vatican official warned web-surfing Catholics that indulgences still required a dose of old-fashioned faith, and that paradise was not just a few mouse clicks away.

“But you must be following the events live. It is not as if you can get an indulgence by chatting on the internet.”

Aw, nuts.

Still, this seems like a pretty good scheme, and I’m going to get in while the getting’s good. If you follow me on Twitter, I guarantee that you will not be savagely attacked by dragons. Without the protection offered by following me on Twitter, who knows what could happen? So act now, and tell your friends!


If you enjoyed this post, get updates via Twitter, Facebook, or RSS.