You Really Do

Friday, May 20th, 2016

Recently, while sating my desire to eat food out of a cylinder, I stumbled upon something rather disturbing. It seems Pringles has a new social media campaign. On the top of each tube is this message:

ALT NAME

Once I saw this, I was forced to wonder if I’ve been using Pringles wrong my entire life. I contemplated how else one might make use of Pringles, and came up with a brief list. I recognize that even mocking this ad campaign is enhancing the mindshare of Pringles, and thereby playing right into the hands of the Kellogg Company, but so it goes.

An Incomplete List of Things You Do With Pringles Besides Eating ’Em

  • You use ’em to duck yourself.

    Yours truly, ducking himself
    Quack.

  • You use ’em in the bedroom. I don’t know how, and I don’t wanna know how, but rule #34 ensures that someone has found a no–doubt–deeply–unsettling way. Frankly, that’s immediately what I assumed this meant, and I was fairly grossed out.

  • You share one with that dog who’s sitting patiently at your feet.

  • You teach a geometry lesson with ’em. (OK, that’s actually pretty good.)

  • You eat ’em, then you digest ’em, then, well, you deposit ’em into the sewage system.

Ultimately, however, the results of a Twitter search for the hashtag “#YouDontJustEatEm” prove that people mainly do two things with Pringles. First, they eat ’em. And second, they tweet to ask just what the hell else folks are doing with ’em.


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