The post’s tip about fire escapes is a fascinating one, as is the shot of found objects include an old Crunch bar wrapper.
Just over a year ago, the world was introduced to the Barvd emoji. Lamentably, however, there hasn’t been an official edition of Barvd since last January. Fortunately, plenty of awful was collected since then, so let’s take a look at 2014 in unpleasantness.
Thanks, Scott! It’s always good to kick things off with a truly horrifying thought.
I’m not saying you should visit RateMyPoo.com, because you shouldn’t. Hell, that’s why I didn’t even make that a link. But you should be aware that a bowel movement rating site exists, and allow that fact to color your impression of humanity.
This horrifying tweet from @heidihitschildren was a runner-up in February, and helped Scott to his second appearance here in just three months.
The cat grosses me out, but the sleep-mind cracks me up.
Probably the worst thing about this is that it’s technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.
We have an intermission here, as much like in August of 2013, no one grossed me out in June of 2014. It seems like my gag reflex takes summer vacations. Ah well — moving on!
And now, a passage from my upcoming novel “Mumphrey’s Downfall”, set amongst the backdrop of world diplomacy and international intrigue:
“As soon as he said it, he knew he’d made a terrible mistake. Forks and glasses clattered to the floor, and then the room fell silent. His words hung there, like a fart in the freezer.”
I am currently accepting bids from publishers.
It seems 2014 was a good year for gross-out tweets about bugs.
I particularly like the way Michaela’s tweet does not transcribe this as a quote from the foot. Rather, it is a simply statement of fact.
Sushi does not work that way!
Just re-reading this, I had a visceral gag. Awful, Matt, just awful.
Please allow my earlier comment, as well as @antichrista’s, to serve as a reply:
Damn straight. Insta-Barvd of the year, is more like it. Thanks a lot, Clarko. Jesus Crist.
Sometimes, I stop and take stock of things. “Self,” I’ll ask, in these moments of introspection, “are you really spending time compiling all the gross things people put out there on social media?”. Yes. Yes, I am, so if you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.
Until next time!
Back in 2010, I discussed Twitter’s Raison D’Être, determining that Twitter existed to provide things like a parody of the mind of the greatest basketball player of all time (which has migrated to a new account here). Facebook, as everyone knows, is a tool for being disgusted by the political whackjobery of people you vaguely know. But what exactly is Instagram for?
Recently, I worked out the answer. Instagram is a social network for talking to hotels about malfunctions in the area of signage. I realize that seems like an awfully specific reason to create a photo-sharing network with over 200 million users, but the evidence is overwhelming.
It all started with this photo, taken in 2012 while staying at the InterContinental on Howard Street in San Francisco:
Caption: “4 Star Hotel”
Allow me to publicly state that I was in no way involved in this juvenile bit of vandalism, nor do I know who the feckless, immature perpetrators were. I merely documented their destruction, because come on, that’s funny. The only way to top it would be to remove the “B“ as well and replace it with the “H” from “Telephone”.
To my great amusement/horror, however, shortly after I posted the image I received a Twitter reply from the hotel’s official account:
I believe my thought then was “Companies can do that?!”. It was a simpler time.
Following this unexpected success story, later that same week I documented a sign which had been busted for months, if not years:
Come stay at the Hot L Pickwick
Lamentably, I neglected to geo-tag this photo, and thus it’s likely that the Hot L Pickwick (as it has been known to all and sundry ever since) never saw the post. The sign had been burnt out for ages before I captured it, and it remained burnt out for many moons after.
Things then went quiet for a spell, until two years later. While staying in New York City at the Fairfield Inn, I captured a shot of the New Yorker Hotel. To get this picture, I had to stick my phone out of one of those tiny angled windows, ten stories up. I made sure to geo-tag the location where I almost smashed my phone:
However, as there was no issue with the New Yorker’s sign, there was no response from either hotel. I’m pretty much just including this image because it’s a damned good photo. Hey, it’s my website, I’ll do what I want with it!
But back to the matter at hand: figuring out why Instagram was created. The next step on my path to enlightenment came with this shot of the sign for Boston’s famous Union Oyster House:
You see it’d be a hose, except instead of water, it sprays oysters.
This photo was properly tagged with the Union Oyster House’s location, and while they’re one of America’s oldest restaurants, they’re also hip enough to be on Instagram. Yet the sign has remained broken (and has in fact gotten worse — I believe we’re currently down to NION YSTER HOSE). There can be only one explanation for this, and that is that the Union Oyster House is not a hotel.
The final confirmation as to Instagram’s purpose came just a couple of weeks ago, when I snapped this nighttime pic:
Their selection of menswear was honestly just awful. It was scattered between hundreds of different rooms across dozens of floors, with no coherent organization.
Not long after I posted the image, I discovered this comment on it, from Doubletree Suites themselves:
Jackpot! Another broken sign successfully reported to a hotel! It simply cannot be denied that Instagram is providing a platform for informing hotels about signage malfunctions. These results are irrefutable. Further, they indicate that this is a very functional service for the hospitality industry, touting a 67% success rate.
The comments on the last photo didn’t end there though, as my old pal John Moltz offered his congratulations: