Located Near the Springfield Heights Institute of Technology 

Friday, April 15th, 2016

George Mason University is naming their law school for late Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia. However, they’ve had to make some adjustments, after their first choice resulted in an accidental, yet oh-so-perfect, acronym.

Inky’s Done a Runner 

Thursday, April 14th, 2016

Octopuses are incredibly cool, and hey, who doesn’t love a good caper?

No Sex in the PodShare Pods 

Wednesday, April 13th, 2016

PodShare is a co-working space with beds, so you can sleep where you work. It sounds both affordable and awful.

It’s a Living 

Tuesday, April 12th, 2016

Look, somebody has to blur out the genitals on the contestants of the television reality show “Naked and Afraid”, so why shouldn’t it be the Blur Man Group?

Dragons Are an Underused Mascot 

Monday, April 11th, 2016

Once upon a time in the neon nineties, the New Jersey Nets almost become the New Jersey Swamp Dragons.

Swamp Dragons

I wish I lived in the alternate universe where this change actually happened.

How Are You Celebrating?

Friday, April 8th, 2016
Get out the party hats and noisemakers, because according to my email…
  • It’s National my Social Security Week!
It’s about to get wild up in here! Woooo! National my Social Security Weeeeeeeeeek! What does this email say?
Because you are a my Social Security account holder, you understand the importance and value of planning for your future. Share this understanding with your friends and family—and even your colleagues and neighbors—by encouraging them to sign up for a my Social Security account.
Oh how well you know me, flatterers employed by the Social Security Administration. I do understand the importance and value of planning for my future. That said, I don’t know that I’m likely to chat up my friends and neighbors about signing up for an online Social Security account. I will, however, publically mock the very idea of doing so, while still linking to your site. I suspect that may prove just as effective! The email also suggests that I let folks know the benefits they can enjoy:
……having a my Social Security account means they can request a replacement Social Security card if they meet certain requirements; that they can check their benefit and payment information and their earnings record; that having a benefit verification letter is right at their fingertips, and much more!
Honestly, I don’t see any reason to limit this conversation to just friends, family, colleagues and neighbors. Why, I can talk up the positives of having a benefit verification letter readily available to strangers on the street, children, and of course, women at bars. Unfortunately, I find one particular line rather disconcerting:
April 4th through 13th is the celebration of our third National my Social Security Week.
It appears that the Social Security Administration believes a week is ten days long, stretching from Monday through the next Wednesday. I’m now quite concerned that when I retire, they’ll only send me a “monthly” check every fifty days or so. I’m just kidding, of course. Social Security will be bankrupt long before I ever get to collect.

Listen to Me. Listen to Your Heart. Listen To…

Thursday, April 7th, 2016

You can guess that a story with the headline “Caterpillars Drum Their Anuses To Find New Friends” is going to be at least weird, and probably somewhat amusing. You don’t necessarily expect to be instructed thusly, however:

Instructions to listen to the anal drumming

It’s not exactly John Bonham or Keith Moon, but it’s got a beat you can dance to.

An Incomplete List of Lengths of Time for Which One Can, and/or Ways One Might, Chill

Wednesday, April 6th, 2016

An Incomplete List of Lengths of Time for Which One Can, and/or Ways One Might, Chill

  • …for a sec(ond).

  • …for a minute.

  • Netflix and…

  • …for awhile.

  • …’til the next episode.

That’s all for now. Until the next post, you should chill for one of the above lengths of time, and/or in one of the above ways. Or perhaps you’ll chill in some other as-yet-unlisted fashion!

They Literally Could Have Just Used Quarters 

Tuesday, April 5th, 2016

If you had to guess which awful government agency paid as much as $1.4 million to have computers perform coin flips for them, how many tries do you think it would take you?

Nick Offerman Is Pretty Great 

Monday, April 4th, 2016

When “Parks & Recreation” ended, Nick Offerman proved that in many ways he’s a real-life Ron Swanson. He apparently salvaged wood from the set, then made canoe paddles out of it for the cast and crew. What better way for his friends to paddle their own canoes?