[Sponsor] Sponsorships on One Foot Tsunami Now Available! 

Monday, April 14th, 2014

As you might guess, writing One Foot Tsunami consumes a reasonably large portion of my free time. The site has always been a labor of love for me, but it’s also well-loved by its readers. One Foot Tsunami has a sizable readership that returns day after day, and that audience has grown steadily since I started the site almost five years ago. I thank each and every one of you for sharing the journey through our absurd existence with me.

In the hopes of earning a bit of money to better justify spending more time writing, I’m now going to be offering a weekly sponsorship slot on the site. Each Monday morning, there will be a single exclusive sponsorship post just like this one. It will appear both on-site and in the RSS feed. Of course, there will still be a content post each weekday, including Mondays, as there has been since 2010. My hope is that readers will find this ad unobtrusive, and I’ll find some folks with interesting things to promote. We’ll all see how it goes together.

Meanwhile, if you have something to promote to this site’s readers, this page has the full details. Thanks for checking it out!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled One Foot Tsunami.

At Least Spongebob Is Smiling 

Friday, April 11th, 2014

This picture has already made the rounds on the Internet, but even if you’ve seen it, it’s great for a second (or more) laugh. This kid’s parents mixed up his school’s “Pajama Day” with “Picture Day”, and the results are priceless.

God he's happy

I love everything about this. The face. The little pose. The oversized melon. It’s just so perfect.

Won’t Someone Please Think of the Puppies? 

Thursday, April 10th, 2014

When the facts simply aren’t on your side, you may as well frighten people into fearing for the lives of their dogs. That appears to be the latest move by Drug Enforcement Administration head Michele Leonhart in her fight against the slow but steady legalization of marijuana in America.

Of course, even that bizarre argument doesn’t hold water, as a far bigger threat to dogs is law enforcement raids.

NPR’s April Fool’s Day Prank 

Wednesday, April 9th, 2014

Like many people, I’ve come to loathe April Fool’s Day. The proliferation of “jokes” on the Internet has made the day something to be suffered through, rather than enjoyed. But last week, NPR managed a pretty great little prank that’s worth checking out.

John Popper Vanity Searches, Too

Tuesday, April 8th, 2014

Last Thursday, I posted a story about Blues Traveler’s John Popper. Despite being fleeced by a quasi-prostitute, Popper managed to look on the bright side. The story was amusing, but not as amusing as what happened next.

First, a quick bit of backstory (and housekeeping, for that matter). If you’re not aware, you can follow @OneFootTsunami on Twitter. It’s an automated account which provides a link to each day’s post, for those who prefer Twitter to RSS. The tweets show story’s headline, and a short link to the post, like this:

John Popper Looks on the Bright Side: http://bit.ly/1j5zkXX

I don’t tweet directly from the account (using my @PBones account instead), but I do monitor its @mentions. I was thus tremendously bemused to see this pop up on my phone:

Hey...I coulda woke up w/a butter churn up my butt...always a great morning when that doesn't happen... ;)
[Link]

The Blues Traveler account is verified with Twitter, and its bio states that tweets come from band members John Popper and Tad Kinchla. It would seem that John Popper saw a mention of his name on Twitter and visited the One Foot Tsunami post which mentioned him, then tweeted a reply. As a fan of the band, I must admit to being flattered. But I also must point out that since @blues_traveler wasn’t mentioned in the original @OneFootTsunami tweet, Popper must be doing vanity searches for his name itself.

I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and guess that he’s hoping to find someone tweeting “I stole John Popper’s Rolex, muthafuckas!”. I wish him luck in his quest for the return of his watch. But while I have his attention1, I may as well throw out a request: Can I do guest vocals on the rap part of “Hook” next time Blues Traveler rolls through Boston? I memorized the whole thing back in sixth grade and I’ve still got it down pat. Come on, John. Do it for a fellow L’il Tiger!2


Footnotes:

  1. The title of this post was chosen delibrately, to be sure.

  2. Both John Popper and I attended Princeton High School, albeit fifteen years apart. Being just down the street from Princeton University and their “Tigers” mascot, Princeton High School’s mascot is the “L’il Tigers”. This fact requires no additional commentary to be funny.

More Stings to the Penis, Please 

Monday, April 7th, 2014

Cornell graduate student Michael Smith recently published a paper based on self-experimentation he’d performed. His paper includes this note:

“Cornell University’s Human Research Protection Program does not have a policy regarding researcher self-experimentation, so this research was not subject to review from their offices. The methods do not conflict with the Helsinki Declaration of 1975, revised in 1983. The author was the only person stung, was aware of all associated risks therein, gave his consent, and is aware that these results will be made public.”

So, what exactly was Smith testing on himself? He was working to determine where on the body is the most painful place to be stung by a bee. He caused bees to sting him over and over again, then rated the pain. If it sounds hellish, well, that’s the life of a grad student. To really get a sense of the torture, here’s a map of locations where stings were administered:

Sting locations

Men may be surprised to learn that a sting on the penis is not nearly the most painful you can suffer. According to Smith:

“It’s painful, and there’s definitely no crossing of wires of pleasure and pain down there,” he says. “But if you’re stung in the nose and penis, you’re going to want more stings to the penis over the nose, if you’re forced to choose.”

Ouch all over.

Baseball Bloopers (April 4th, 2014 Edition)

Friday, April 4th, 2014

As noted on Monday, the baseball season is now upon us. As usual, the return of the boys of summer also brings plenty of stories both bizarre and amusing. First up, in the bizarre category, Angels hitting coach Don Baylor broke his leg on opening day. That’s a bad day, to be sure, but the circumstances are worse. You see, Baylor was catching a ceremonial first pitch before the game. Add another to the list of bizarre injuries sustained at home plate in Anaheim.

In lighter news, the World Champion Boston Red Sox had an off day on Tuesday, and they paid a visit to the White House. As the players met the president, slugger David Ortiz took the opportunity to get a selfie. The tweet this picture accompanied has now been retweeted over 40,000 times, and is nearing 50,000 favorites. Not too shabby.

David Ortiz's presidential selfie
[Photo credit: David Ortiz]

Next up comes video of a hometown fan doing just what he should when a visiting player attempts to catch a foul ball. The anonymous fan snatched the ball away from the St. Louis Cardinals Matt Adams, preventing him from recording an out. Adams gave a semi-serious shove before walking away, which earned him an unnecessary-but-fair middle finger from the fan.

Matt Adams loses the ball
[Screen capture from Chris Looy's Vine video]1

A long time ago on a site far, far away, I wrote about the heroics of one Danny Vinik. I’m delighted to see other fans following the Vinik Rule.

Without a doubt however, the best laugh of the week came courtesy of an article in that bastion of sports reporting, the Wall Street Journal.

Mets Blow A Save And Fan 18 Times
[Photo credit: Mark Fishkin]

Sure, that sounds great. But frankly, at a certain point, that’s going to start to hurt even more than Don Baylor’s broken femur.


Footnotes:

  1. That video is archived here.

John Popper Looks on the Bright Side 

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

Blues Traveler frontman John Popper was recently fleeced by a Las Vegas prostitute, one who didn’t even have the courtesy to have sex with him. He lost $2,500 in cash and a Rolex worth nearly $20,000, but he’s looking on the bright side.

“I could have had people cut me up and serve me as a cannibal meal,” he said. “I could have wound up with (an adult sex toy) shoved (into an orifice).

What exactly would a non-adult sex toy be, and why is a Las Vegas newspaper censoring content to the point of ridiculousness?

The NCAA Took Away My Cat Mug 

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

While covering the NCAA men’s basketball tournament, reporter Jason Gay decided to engage in a small act of civil disobedience toward the NCAA, using a goofy cat mug to make a larger point about the major questions concerning the business of college sports.

Where Do You Buy a Rat Trap That Big? 

Tuesday, April 1st, 2014

The picture below is not an April Fools’ joke. Apparently, a massive 16 inch (40 cm) rat attempted to move in with a family in Sweden. Its advances were, as you might expect, unwelcome.

That is one giant goddamned rat.
[Photo credit: Justus Bengtsson-Korsås, via Facebook]

The rodent had gnawed through cement and wood to break into the the Solna apartment, pest controllers said. And once it was in, it flooded the kitchen by chewing through the water pipes connected to the dishwasher. It eventually became “so domesticated” that it “just sat under the table,” Bengtsson’s husband, Erik Korsas, said.

A few days after the first sighting, the family put their kitchen on “lockdown” and called an exterminator…

A few days? What the hell were they doing in the meantime?