Very Sorry Indeed

Tuesday, July 12th, 2016

Almost exactly five years ago, I wrote about what I then believed was Pete Rose’s nadir. I discovered that he was signing baseballs which included the inscription “I’m sorry I bet on baseball”, and worse, that these balls were being heavily discounted by Walmart. At the time, they had been marked down 37%, from $299.99 to just $189.99.

However, my inbox recently showed that it’s always possible to sink even lower, especially when Groupon is involved. The same ball now lists for just $159, and can be purchased on Groupon for just $129.99 (or from Walmart at just $125.78).

ALT NAME

As if all this didn’t make it painfully obvious, Pete Rose himself “wants you to know that he’s very sorry”.

Damn Straight 

Monday, July 11th, 2016

Yesterday, Serena Williams won the Women’s Singles final at Wimbledon. This ties her with Steffi Graf for the most Grand Slam singles titles in the open era (when professionals were allowed to compete in the Grand Slam tournaments). On the day before the match, she was asked a rather silly question:

“There will be talk about you going down as one of the greatest female athletes of all time. What do you think when you hear someone talk like that?” the reporter asked.

When [Williams] opened her mouth, her answer was short and quick, but decisive and telling.

“I prefer the word ‘one of the greatest athletes of all time,’” she said.

Right on. Oh, and for good measure, Serena also went back out with her sister Venus to claim the Women’s Doubles title as well.

Longing to Touch the Lips of Men 

Friday, July 8th, 2016

More than most, the past week seems to call for a drink to calm the nerves. Robert G. Ingersoll would surely have agreed.

Plagiarizing Fiction 

Thursday, July 7th, 2016

“The Rock” is a great film, but it’s not a very good reason to enter a war.

That’s Just Inconvenient 

Wednesday, July 6th, 2016

Speaking of the Philadelphia area, twin brothers just west of the city have been arrested for exploding devices. While fortunately no one was hurt, they did do some damage to several structures, including an “Amish phone shed”.

…the brothers then exploded a pipe bomb in an Amish phone shed on Dec. 30. An Amish phone shed or phone shanty is an enclosed building containing a phone used jointly by multiple Amish families, who do not permit phones in their homes. The shed was badly damaged.

I actually took a college course that studied (in part) the Amish, but I was not aware of this rather absurd practice.

That’s One Awkward Phone Call 

Tuesday, July 5th, 2016

A Philadelphia-area police offer had planned to attend a Kenny Chesney concert, but was unfortunately involved in a shooting while on duty. Officer Christopher Dorman then sent Chesney a video from his hospital bed, leading Chesney to honor him at the concert, telling the crowd that Dorman had sadly passed away. The only problem? Dorman is alive and expected to make a full recovery.

Thankfully, It’s Not a 10-Point Safety Plan 

Monday, July 4th, 2016

One year ago today, football player Jason Pierre-Paul maimed himself in a fireworks accident. Now he’s back to help others avoid injury. Stay safe out there, friends!

The World’s First Robot Lawyer 

Friday, July 1st, 2016

Stanford University student Joshua Browder created a site called DoNotPay, which automatically fights parking tickets on behalf of its users. Thus far, it has successfully contested over 160,000 tickets. Not bad!

Of All the Classes 

Thursday, June 30th, 2016

A former university employee has admitted to fraudulently obtaining federal student loans by giving herself an A in a class she never took. That class? Business ethics.

An Expensive Waste 

Wednesday, June 29th, 2016

At the insistence of the New York City Department of Transportation, Patrick Colletti paid $6000 to fix the sidewalk in front of his home. Shortly after he did so, the New York City Parks Department indicated they’d be ripping up the sidewalk entirely and replacing it with a new tree.