The Kissing Defense Never Fails 

Tuesday, July 18th, 2017

In addition to being a gold medalist, Olympic sprinter Gil Roberts is also a real kissing aficionado. Now, he’s beaten the rap on a failed drug test with the unbeatable kissing defense. Roberts claimed that it was three hours of kissing his girlfriend Alex Salazar which led him to fail a drug test, due to medicine Salazar was (incorrectly) consuming.

The USADA’s expert, Dr. Matthew Fedoruk, noted that it was unclear how the medicine would come unbound from Salazar’s cheek and gums, but clearly that USADA expert is a nerd who has never made out with someone so passionately that he removed material from that person’s cheeks and gums. All the cool kissing boys and girls have done kisses this good.


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