Previous “Slogans” posts

Proposed Slogans for an All-Night Rose Vendor

Friday, January 13th, 2012

Roses 24HRS

Proposed slogans for this 24-hour rose seller:

  • For all your late-night fuck-ups [Link]

  • Make it more than a booty call!

  • Price? You’re buying roses in the middle of the night. The price is the least of your concerns.

  • It’s 3 AM – maybe you’re hungry enough to eat a rose?

Tax Planning Slogans

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011

This is Andy Friedman. He’s a tax-planning expert, and boy does he look the part.

Andy Friedman

Merrill Lynch is pitching some of his advice with a banner on their site, but it seemed like old Andy could use a pithy slogan to really draw folks in.

  • Taxes? Serious business!

  • Are you gonna be happy when I’m done? Look at me – what do you think?

  • Don’t worry, I’ll finish your taxes before I slit my wrists.

  • Does this suit make me look fat?

  • I’m morose, so you don’t have to be.

Possible Slogans for Total Whole Grain Cereal

Monday, December 20th, 2010

Box of TotalIt seems like Total Whole Grain cereal doesn’t have a slogan. Here are some suggestions, available for General Mills to license for a modest sum:

Possible Slogans for Total Whole Grain Cereal:
  • If it tastes this bad, it has to be good for you. [Link]

  • Where exactly did you think all that recycled cardboard was going?

  • You can really taste the fiber.

  • If you think it tastes bad at first, give it a minute – it gets worse!

  • 100% of your recommended daily intake of awful.

Kick ‘Em When They’re Down

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

American cars have many of problems, from fuel economy to looks, and more. Compared to Toyota, however, they’re at least avoiding horribly negative public relations. How can Detroit best take advantage of this? The answer is new slogans and talking points:

  • They may be ugly, but our cars aren’t going to run you into a brick wall unless you tell them to.

  • Our cars don’t accelerate uncontrollably, but even if they did, their mileage is so poor, you wouldn’t go far!

  • We’ll tow your deathtrap away and give you a ride to our dealership.

  • Our steel beats their plastic, even if that plastic is coming at you at runaway speed.

  • Sure, your Prius probably won’t kill you. But do you really want to bet your life on it?

  • Ok, but what about your kid’s life? You monster.

  • No government official’s told you to stop driving a Ford, lately!