Previous “This Week in Trump” posts

Grog Build Wall. Build Wall Tall! 

Thursday, December 13th, 2018

At this moment, the following is real content on the Department of Homeland Security’s website:

It’s a “news” release entitled “Walls Work”, and frankly, it’s just weird. Did DHS get hacked? Did they recently hire a caveman copy editor? Is this the work of a disgruntled employee? Anything seems possible, including the idea that this is the average level of education in America now.

The Crushing Dumbness of Donald Trump 

Wednesday, October 24th, 2018

Elliot Hannon has nailed it. Donald Trump is the idiot star of a show that we all have to watch.

An Idiotic Idea Doesn’t Deserve Branding This Good 

Monday, July 30th, 2018

When Bloomberg Businessweek asked eight leading designers to brand President Trump’s preposterous “Space Force”, they can’t possibly have imagined getting anything this deliciously good:


If Milton Glaser doesn’t start selling t-shirts, he’s really leaving money on the table.

While Glaser’s logo is the hands-down best, the efforts from David Reinfurt and Other Means are also exceptional, and all eight logos are great in their own way. Be sure to read each designer’s brief explanation of their logo as well.

45 Is Less Than 44 (or 43, or 42, or…)

Wednesday, July 18th, 2018

After Trump’s deeply disturbing press conference in Helsinki on Monday, this has been kicking around my head.

You CAN spell Tre45on with 45.

And yes, yes, I know.

Lying Is Clearly Not a No-Go Zone for Pete Hoekstra 

Friday, December 22nd, 2017

In 2015, then-Congressman Pete Hoekstra spouted some anti-Muslim bullshit about the Netherlands. This was a lie. In 2017, now ambassador-to-the-Netherlands (Yeah…) Pete Hoekstra is asked about his statement from 2015. He denied making the statement, and referred to it as “fake news”. That was a lie about a lie. After being show the clip of his own 2015 statement, Hoekstra was asked why he had called it fake news. He denied using the term “fake news”, which he had very clearly done seemingly moments before. That’s a lie about a lie about a lie.

Donald Trump really is hiring the best people, if by that we mean the people who are doing the best job showing how goddamned inept this entire administration is.

A Near-Perfect Likeness 

Monday, December 18th, 2017

In yet another depressing reminder of who the leader of America’s executive branch is, Donald Trump is now included in Disney’s Hall of Presidents. Those who despise the man can take some small solace in the fact that his animatronic likeness looks like this:


[Photo credit: @wdwmagic]

To put it bluntly, that robot looks like shit. Aside from the fact that it’s not the right shade of orange, it’s also completely true to life.

Of Course, He’s Blind to Reality Anyway 

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2017

This Boston Globe piece seems to be downplaying the story of Donald Trump looking directly at yesterday’s solar eclipse. The photos make it clear that while he may not have stared at it for minutes on end, Trump repeatedly looked up at the sun without protective glasses. Even if “a second here or there” didn’t damage his retinas, it’s certainly a terrible example for the nation, and a ridiculously poor visual to boot. One thing is even more blindingly obvious than the sun, and that’s the fact that Donald Trump is never not a goddamned moron.

Donald Trump staring directly at a solar eclipse
Use the glasses, you miserable fucking toenail!

This Week in Trump: Art Imitates Life

Friday, August 4th, 2017

It’s Friday, which sometimes means another “This Week in Trump” post, wherein I detail the depressing, embarrassing, shameful things Donald Trump has done while serving as President of the United States. This week was another horrible showing for dignity and decency, but between the “local milk people”, fictional phone calls, and so much more, I just don’t have it in me to review it. Instead, this week’s edition of TWIT is going to go a slightly different route.

I have a Google Alert for the phrase “Up for Auction”, and it frequently provides me with both a good chuckle, as well as material for this very site. For example, there was this T-Rex skeleton that I just missed out on, and even better, this profane autographed baseball. This week, Google offered this headline up to me:

Trump Drawing of Skyline Goes Up for Auction, Experts Offer Mixed Reviews

Given the “mixed reviews”, I found myself wondering if Donald Trump might have a heretofore unknown talent for sketching. Sure, it wouldn’t be amazing, but it could well be better than average. Maybe this awful man has at least one skill? Well, here’s a look at the sketch:

Terrible Trump Sketch

So no, of course he doesn’t have a hidden talent. Like the whiny temper tantrums our commander-in-chief throws on Twitter on a regular basis, his sketch looks like it was done by an eight-year-old child. It’s utter crap, following the lead of nearly every single other goddamned thing Donald Trump has done in this life. Frankly, I’m disappointed in myself for thinking there was any chance of it being otherwise. As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”.

This Week in Trump: July 21st, 2017 Edition

Friday, July 21st, 2017

A good week is any week when I don’t feel compelled to write a new edition of “This Week in Trump”. Obviously, this was not a good week.

July 13th: Following discussions of the “transparency” Donald Trump Jr. offered by releasing his emails regarding his now infamous meeting with a Russian national, President Trump’s brain appeared to get stuck on the word. As a result, he stated that his boondoggle border wall should be transparent. Why? So that no one takes a lethal 60 pound bag of drugs upside their head, of course.

As horrible as it sounds, when they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don’t see them—they hit you in the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It’s over,” Trump said. “As crazy as that sounds, you need transparency through that wall.”

Let’s move straight past our incredulity, and just go with this. Let’s enter the befuddled brain of the president, and accept the absurd premise that drug dealers are just blindly lobbing massive sacks of drugs into America. Even if we believe that, who exactly does Trump think is walking near the wall on the American side? The average citizen is not going out for a constitutional along the border. Logically, the folks involved would be other criminals, and if these drug-catchers get brained by a big bag of dope, why should we care? GAH! (Link)

July 13th: While in France, Trump told the French first lady that she’s “in such good shape”, before noting to President Macron “she’s in such good physical shape. Beautiful.” Make no mistake about it, this is not how any civilized person behaves, and it is not a compliment. This is objectifying a woman, and it is disgusting. (Link)

July 14th: As a result of his repulsive comments in France, Donald Trump was the target of a perfect sub-tweet by Reebok, who provide a useful guide for when you should say “you’re in such good shape…beautiful”. Here’s a hint: Almost never! (Link)

July 16th: The transcript of a conversation between British Prime Minister Theresa May and Trump revealed that his tragically frail ego won’t allow him to visit the UK until he can be assured of “a better reception”. (Link)

July 19th: As part of a wide-ranging and very strange interview with the New York Times, Donald Trump appeared to show a complete and utter lack of comprehension as to what health insurance is, and how it works. In fact, he seemed to conflate it with life insurance, which is actually tremendously disturbing given his focus on repealing the Affordable Care Act. Honestly, this is upsetting in a much deeper way than the usual embarrassing news this feature covers, and I’m done for the week. (Link)

After all that, the best I can offer you is that today is a Friday.

This Week in Trump: June 30th, 2017 Edition

Friday, June 30th, 2017

We almost made it out of June without needing another edition of “This Week in Trump”. This week, however, was really a doozy. Here’s a (no doubt partial) list of the recent deplorable doings of Donald Trump.

June 26th: After repeatedly and falsely insisting that his inauguration crowd was bigger than Barack Obama’s, Donald Trump wasted taxpayer money by having the Inspector General for the Department of the Interior investigate the matter. Their conclusion was exactly what you’d expect: Obama’s crowd was bigger, and no one had to alter any photos to make that so. (Link)

June 27th: The Washington Post reported that a pathetically fake Time cover featuring Donald Trump hangs in multiple Trump-owned golf clubs. Following much mockery of the president’s childish ego, Trump is asked to remove the false covers by Time Magazine itself. (Link)

June 27th: While on a call with Ireland’s new prime minister Leo Varadkar1, Trump singled out Irish reporter Caitriona Perry, beckoning her over to him. He then told Varadkar he was speaking with her, saying “Caitriona Perry, she has a nice smile on her face, so I bet she treats you well”. The conversation was both weird and inappropriate, exposing the type of subtle sexism that exists for too many women in the workplace. Perry later described the incident as “bizarre”, which was extremely generous. At this time, there is no word on whether the president will be attending a sensitivity training seminar anytime soon. (Link)

June 29th: The president attacked journalists Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski in a sickening pair of tweets. As if to confirm to the world that he does in fact have deep seated issues with women, he made specific note of Brzezinski’s appearance, claiming she was “bleeding badly from a face-lift” back in December. Even many members of his own party publically condemned Trump’s comments. (Link)

You probably thought it couldn’t get any worse after Trump explained where and how he liked to grab women, and yet, here we are. Here we are. I’m sorry.


Footnotes:

  1. Varadkar also happens to be gay, a fact which shouldn’t matter at all, but makes Trump commenting on a woman’s physical appearance to him somehow yet more ridiculous. Did Trump know about Varadkar’s sexual orientation, widely discussed in the media? Was he attempting to needle Varadkar, or ensure that no one had reason to question his heterosexual bona fides? We should avoid venturing too far into unproven psychoanalysis, but this added wrinkle does seem worthy of note. ↩︎