💧 Occupied

[I hope my doctor doesn’t read my website.]
Recently, I found myself in an exam room, waiting for my annual physical. As I fought the urge to rifle through the cabinets,1 I allowed my mind to wander.

Responses I considered for when a doctor knocks on what is effectively their own door2

“Just a second, I’m not decent!”

“WHO IS IT?” (Aggressive)

“Who iiiiiiis it?” (Coquettish)

“Someone’s in here! Someone’s in here!”, à la John Mulaney in a public bathroom stall3

<Hurried rustling noises>

“Yessssss?” Lecherous and/or à la “The Yes Guy” from the Simpsons who had a stroke but might also be a lech4, and whose name is, apparently, Mr. Pettigrew

Alas, I ultimately chickened out on all of these. Maybe next time.

Footnotes:

Regrettably, this delightful-if-I-do-say-so-myself episode of “The Talk Show” is too ancient to be hosted on the official site. I’ve archived it here. ↩︎

Most doctors enter with approximately no pause whatsoever after their knock. To my doctor’s credit, he did wait for acknowledgement before coming in. ↩︎

The relevant portion of this clip is archived here. ↩︎

Finally, the relevant video is archived here. ↩︎