💧 Money Quotes: May 15th, 2013 Edition

It’s been awhile, but it’s now once again time for Money Quotes from the news. Let’s watch!

In a story similar to one seen in the very first Money Quotes post, a cockpit distraction has again caused problems. OFT reader Ajay M. wrote in with the story of a possibly-pilotless Air India flight. Initial reports indicated that both the pilot and co-pilot had left their posts, but India’s Directorate General of Civil Aviation is claiming that the pilots and two flight attendants were instead locked in the cockpit for an extended period.

“What happened inside is best left to your imagination. We’re conducting an inquiry,” a source said.

I dunno — my imagination can get pret-ty sexy.

Next up is the story of Hugh Jackman’s crazy-ass stalker Katherine Thurston, who apparently came after him with an electric razor. Why?

“I hated him having those whiskers,” Thurston told police.

Apparently Thurston also spoke to Jackman’s wife at some point, telling her “I’m going to marry your husband”. Wow.

Meanwhile, a man named Justin Green recently attempted to surf a subway train. That’s certainly stupid, but it gets worse.

When confronted by an officer, Green said he had a “God-given right to do anything he wants”.

More people should avail themselves of their right to remain silent.

Finally, we have the tale of crazed driver Mercedes Austin, who apparently attempted to run over a girl for quote “shaking her butt”. Austin was so outraged that she drove directly at a police officer and two young women as they crossed the road. In addition to saying that she needed to teach that girl a lesson “because she was shaking her [butt] in the middle of the road”, Austin stated:

“I didn’t know that guy was a cop, I thought he was a security guard.”

Seriously, idiots, the Fifth Amendment is there for you.