💧 The Giant Sour Patch Kids

[Sour, then stomachache]
Some time ago, I happened upon this ridiculous product:

I find this 1.9 pound package of Sour Patch Kids (which we should all start calling “SPKs”) very funny. To start, it makes me think that SPKs (it’s catching on!) might be a controlled substance. Perhaps it’s illegal to sell 2 pounds of sour candies. If you buy two of these, you might find yourself charged with intent to distribute.

As well, note how the bag tries to make it clear that this is not a single-serving package. It emphasizes that it’s “Great for sharing”, and highlights that it’s a “Resealable bag!”. They don’t want to come right out and say “Don’t eat this all in one sitting, you disgusting pig”, but they’re really hinting at it.

Still, if you’d like to chemically remove your tongue, this bag can get you sorted for just $5.99.