💧 A Visit to Staples Rock

[It was everything I hoped it would be&mdash;a big, dumb rock in the parking lot of a Staples.]
Barely a week after I first wrote about Staples Rock, I found myself taking an unexpected day trip to Cape Cod. This was so serendipitous I couldn’t possibly miss the chance to visit the Cape’s newest attraction. Also, it was completely on my way.

As I pulled into the strip mall where Staples Rock resides, I was shocked to find a complete lack of lines or crowds. Sure, it was morning in the middle of the week, but it’s not as if the area was devoid of people. I saw several folks going into and out of various businesses, but all appeared oblivious to the splendor mere steps away. I was sad for them, but delighted for myself. More rock for me.

When I walked up to this marvel of nature, I could hardly believe I was in its presence. There it was, Staples Rock, in the flesh. Or mineral, anyhow. Check out all its majesty:

A hero ought to have a great origin story, and Staples Rock’s begins with an epic journey. It appears to be a “glacial erratic”, which is a delightful term for a boulder that was picked up by a glacier and carried outside the area where it originally formed. After a slow journey of hundreds of miles, it was deposited in what would later become Orleans, Massachusetts, and eventually covered up completely. Much more recently, it was unearthed during some sewage work in the parking lot. Classic hero stuff.

After workers brought the massive stone above ground, it was decided that it would be kept there, right outside Staples. Why? Because last year, a car barreled through the front of the store:

That’s so VWTASTB!
[Photo credit: Cape Cod Times]

No people were hurt, but that brick wall sure took some damage. As a result, when this big-ass boulder was found, someone facetiously suggested that it could serve as protection for the store. Joke or not, now, it does.

The evidence of that vehicular incident actually remains quite visible on site, by comparing the building’s two peaked roof turrets. One of them features an intact brick wall, much like the wall you can see in the photo above, only less Kool-Aid Man’ed:

That’s not the wall that took the hit, however. The victim wall is no longer brick:

Instead, the entire thing has been covered in classic Cape Cod cedar shingles. It’s certainly a choice. What they have not done is install any additional bollards, say right in front of the wall, which could prevent another drive-thru from being installed unexpectedly.

But then, even if the idea began as a joke, Staples Rock really is doing the job when it comes to protecting the store. I certainly didn’t see any cars drive through the wall in the seven minutes that I was there, anyhow.

I’ve been asked if I would describe this natural wonder as “breathtaking”. I don’t know about that, but I can tell you that it was eye-receiving. When I arrived, I was saddened to discover that Staples Rock had lost its googly eyes. That just wouldn’t do, so I made sure that it had a pair before I left:

After all, if we’re going to gaze long into Staples Rock, Staples Rock should also be able to gaze into us.

A contemplative Staples Rock