While cancelling my PS Vue online streaming television service¹, I was given a brief survey, one which included this ridiculous question:

If I weren’t already cancelling, I might cancel the service on principle to protest this crap. That’s an 11-point scale, with 3 options, grouped in a bizarrely uneven fashion. Sarcastic clap, Sony. Sarcastic clap.

Update (February 23rd, 2018): Multiple readers have pointed out that this is how “Net Promoter Score” groups things, which means this is a backend implementation detail leaking through in hideous fashion.

Footnotes:

1. I cut the cord about a year ago, and now I’m switching from Vue to a different streaming service. Being able to jump around services, and never needing to return cable equipment to Comcast, is wonderful. If you have any interest in giving Comcast less money, consider scaling down to just internet access, and using a streaming TV service instead. ↩︎

If you visited the site today, July 12th, you should have seen a pop-up something like this:

If you’re an American who’s already taken action here, or elsewhere, excellent. If you haven’t yet done so, now’s the time. The FCC is still taking comments about their plan to change rules regulating internet service providers, and your voice matters. In just a few minutes, you can use the EFF’s Dear FCC tool to stand up for Net Neutrality.

If you’re new to this issue, here’s a quick primer on Net Neutrality, from Battle for the Net:

What is Net Neutrality?

Net neutrality is the basic principle that protects our free speech on the Internet. “Title II” of the Communications Act is what provides the legal foundation for net neutrality and prevents Internet Service Providers like Comcast, Verizon, and AT&T from slowing down and blocking websites, or charging apps and sites extra fees to reach an audience (which they then pass along to consumers.)

Why is Net Neutrality Important?

The Internet has thrived precisely because of net neutrality. It’s what makes it so vibrant and innovative — a place for creativity, free expression, and exchange of ideas. Without net neutrality, the Internet will become more like cable TV, where the content you see is what your provider puts in front of you.

Net neutrality is something all consumers should get behind, and Title II oversight is the best way to achieve it. Speak up in favor of Title II oversight now. And if this all sounds familiar, it might be because this is hardly the first time we’ve fought this battle. A free and open internet is always worth the fight.

Last week, I wanted to watch the baseball playoffs. A pair of games were on the MLB Network, a station I’d not watched before. I eventually located it in the mammoth and glacial guide full of channels for which I have no use, but when I tuned in, I was confronted with this message:

What the hell is that? “Free with Subscription” is an entirely content-free statement. They don’t even have the sense to hide the “with subscription” in a footnote. This magazine is free with a paid subscription to this magazine! These three eggs are free with purchase of a dozen eggs. Hell, this car is free with purchase of…this car!

Sooner or later, I’m going to be able to watch the Red Sox without having cable, and I’m going to have decent alternatives for Internet access. When that day finally comes, you can bet I’m going to spend $5 and have Comcast’s cord cut forever.

Recently, I’ve been amused at the communications from multiple different companies.

Comcast

First up, while updating my billing info with my local high speed Internet and cable provider, I got this message:

Forty-five days is six and a half weeks. I’m not ordering x-ray specs from an ad in the back of Boys’ Life magazine; I’m just punching in a new a credit card number online. When same-day delivery of physical products ordered from the Internet is becoming a reality, it’s comically anachronistic to need a month and a half to change my auto-pay information.

Panera

Then there was this email from a sandwich shop:

Paul, Escape With Authentic, Handcrafted Pastas…

Exactly how depressing do you think my life is, Panera? This email is just insulting. And really, if I wanted an escape, I don’t think I’ll “take a trip to extraordinary” with pasta from a bread company.

Lufthansa

It’s not all terrible turnaround times and cruel beliefs about my life, however. As they have before, Lufthansa brought me a bit of incidental joy:

Amazing. It’s the addition of the “Dear” before the fantastic title which takes it beyond even the address label from 2011.

The eastern seaboard of the United States is getting battered by Hurricane Sandy, one of the largest storms on record. Yet I do not fear, for my favorite companies and services are here in my hour of need. Witness:

Wells Fargo

In an oddly-formatted email, Wells Fargo is letting me know that they’re helpfully waiving some fees for three whole days. It beats a kick in the teeth, I suppose, but I can’t say ATM fees were at the top of my list of concerns. Perhaps it would be nice to send this fee waiver after the fact. Still, they’ve got a phone number that’s up 24/7 in case of financial questions which need to be answered.

American Express

American Express, meanwhile, has offered a brief note of concern for my well-being, and a vague promise of assistance as needed. If that help is needed, I should just call, visit their website, or tweet at them. I should definitely not, however, email them, as that would obviously be a ridiculous way to communicate. Of course American Express cares about me though. After all, if I die, who the hell is going to pay my credit card bill?

USAA

Despite the lousy grammar of the second sentence, I do believe my insurance company USAA wants the best for me, as it’s also the best for their bottom line. Even through that cynical lens, though, their message was earnest and believable, and their tips helpful.

Comcast

At the other end of the spectrum comes an email from one of the most-hated companies in the country. You can see by the extremely personal opening exactly how much of a damn Comcast gives:

I’ve always believed I could count on my Internet and cable provider in times of need, but it’s nice to get this written confirmation. It’s clear they’re much more than just the company that gouges me each month; they’re the company that cares about me, and wants me to live a long life so that they can continue gouging me each month. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just be waiting for my disaster assistance between the hours of 9 AM and 3 PM.