49 results found for “red sox”

Can Fat Do That? 

Or more likely, are the machines just not very good?

A few years back, Major League Baseball mandated that all stadiums have metal detectors to prevent attendees from bringing in weapons. After a recent shooting at a Chicago White Sox game, their effectiveness must surely come into question. It would seem they might need some work.

On Tuesday, ESPN Chicago reporter Peggy Kusinski said that the gun was snuck into the stadium by one of the women who was hit. The shooting was “an accidental discharge” by the woman whose injury was previously identified as “a graze wound.”

“She reportedly snuck the gun in past metal detectors hiding it in the folds of her belly fat,” Kusinski said in a post on X.

On the one hand, that might seem difficult to believe. On the other hand, I attended a baseball game just last night where I was instructed to keep my keys and full-of-metal cell phone in my pocket as I went through the clearly-not-very-sensitive metal detector.

Update (September 5, 2023): When I wrote about this, I made it a particular point to not convey anything here as established fact. Over a week later, there’s still a lack of clarity. One of the women involved denies bringing in a gun, and police have merely said they’re still investigating:

Chicago police earlier Tuesday issued a statement saying the claim that a woman had brought in a gun and suffered a self-inflicted wound was “not released or confirmed by the Chicago Police Department.” Police said the investigation was “still active and ongoing.”

Meanwhile, White Sox sources believe the shots came from outside the park, but of course they’re incentivized to think that.

Hopefully the mystery will be solved eventually.

Money Can’t Buy Taste

Be sure to get the optional death and dismemberment plan.

Late last year, I bemoaned the relentless encroachment of advertising into every single facet of our lives. At the time, the ads in question were on the uniforms of the Boston Red Sox. Now, the arch-rival Yankees have made their own sacrifice at the altar of capitalism. It, too, is a vile sight:

New York Yankee uniforms with an ugly patch advertising an insurance company on the sleeve

🙊 Barvd. I do hope they shot these photos in the bathroom, where there were at least convenient places in which the photographer could get sick.

To my ear, “Starr Insurance” sounds like the small-town shop that might have employed Ned Ryerson, but they’re apparently a massive multi-national firm.1 Now, they’re also the “Signature Partner” of the New York Yankees, with an ugly sleeve patch to prove it. Baseball fans likely know that the Yankees are unique among Major League teams in never putting player names on their jerseys. Later this month, however, there will be one name visible: that of Cornelius Vander Starr.

For nearly half a century, the Yankees have famously had a written “personal appearance policy”. They also seem to have an unwritten “no fun” policy. Here’s a quick recap of what the Yankees do and do not allow:

  • ❌: Beards

  • ❌: Long hair

  • ❌: Alternate “City Connect” jerseys

  • ✅: Advertisements plastered right on the uniform

The team is reportedly receiving $25 million a year from this sponsorship, which is certainly a nice chunk of change. Still, for a franchise valued at over $7 billion (with a “B”), it feels like a decidedly low-rent move.


  1. While writing this post, I came across a theory about “Groundhog Day” that is just great. ↩︎

The Fascinating Life of Noah Song

I certainly won’t count him out.

Back in 2019, one of the most talented college pitchers in the nation went undrafted until the fourth round of the MLB draft. When the Red Sox eventually selected Noah Song with the 137th pick, they understood the distinct possibility that he would have to serve in the Navy, rather than play professional baseball. Song was able to play one season with the Class A Lowell Spinners, recording an impressive 1.06 ERA, .167 batting average against, and 19 strikeouts over 17 innings. However, because his request for a service deferment was denied, he had to leave pro ball to begin his military career at the end of 2019.

Song spent the next three years working as a naval flight officer working with the P-8 Poseidon aircraft in Florida. As a Red Sox fan, I remained vaguely aware of him, because the team still held his baseball rights. However, it did not appear he’d be pitching any time soon.

Song recently rose back into prominence for two reasons. First, the Philadelphia Phillies selected him via the Rule 5 draft in December. This oddity of baseball allows teams to pilfer players from the rosters of other teams, and it meant that if Song played baseball, it would be for the Phillies. This still seemed unlikely, however, until his application to transfer from active duty to selective reserves was approved> Thanks to this change, Song can resume his attempt to make it to the major leagues.

Because Song had his service transferred this offseason, he does not need to be placed on the Phillies’ 40-man roster until Opening Day. But because Song is a Rule 5 Draft pick, he must be placed on the Opening Day roster to remain in the organization. If he makes the Phils, he would be the No. 8 man in the bullpen.

If Song does not make the team, he can be traded or placed on waivers. If he clears waivers, Boston can take him back and send him to the Minor Leagues.

Baseball has an absurd amount of minutia, but the short of it this: For the Phillies to keep him, Song must go from not having pitched competitively in over three years (and never at anything even close to the big league level) to a major league roster in a matter of weeks, and he must stay there all season. That’s unprecedented and it’s a hell of a long shot. In the likely event that he can’t perform that miracle, the Red Sox can take Song back, and allow him to develop further in their minor league system.

Despite the abilities he previously displayed, it is perhaps unlikely that Song will wind up a Hall of Famer, as his fellow Navy alum (and Lieutenant junior grade) David Robinson did following his time in the NBA. Nevertheless, it will be interesting to see just how far he can make it in professional baseball. My own hope is to see him as a star with the Red Sox in a year or three. As it has been for several years, this story will continue to be interesting to watch.

Update (August 27, 2023): Sure enough, the Phillies were unable to keep Song on their major league roster all season. He’s now

An Automatic Strike to End a Game 

Just the way the Sox drew it up, I’m sure.

When the MLB season starts at the end of March, it will feature several rule changes. One of the most notable of those is sure to be the new pitch clock, which requires pitchers to deliver a pitch in a set amount of time and batters to be ready to face it. On Saturday, the rule led to a game ending after an automatic strike was assessed to a slow batter for Atlanta.

It was the situation that every child growing up playing baseball dreams of. Game tied at 6, bottom of the ninth inning, bases loaded and a 3-2 count. Atlanta infielder Cal Conley was at the plate, facing Boston relief pitcher Robert Kwiatkowski. Kwiatkowski stared in for the sign from his catcher and came set to throw a critical pitch on a full count.

Conley was charged an automatic strike for not being ready in time under the new pitch clock rules, and the strike out was called.

Not…exactly how kids dreamed of that situation unfolding when playing in the backyard growing up, but this is the new normal in MLB. Thankfully everyone has spring training to get adjusted before this happens in the regular season.

This particular incident is extra silly because spring training games don’t have extra innings, and thus the game simply ended in a tie.

Despite this foolishness, I’m quite excited about the pitch clock. I expect it will speed up game times significantly, particularly given what we saw last seasons in the minor leagues:

To people familiar with the myriad rule changes MLB officials tested in recent years, the pitch clock has long felt like the most foolproof way to rejuvenate the sport. In its first year in use across the minor leagues, it has reduced the average game time from 3 hours 4 minutes in 2021 to 2:36 in 2022, according to MLB data through Sunday. MLB matchups have not averaged a game time that brief since the early 1980s.

Substantially shorter games will be a boon for the sport. I just hope players adapt quickly, so these penalties don’t wind up playing a critical role in big moments.

Boston Uniforms, Gross and Fly

It would be nice to have more cool designs and fewer ads.

In the continued quest to put advertising in every conceivable place, Major League Baseball teams are now permitted to sell placement on their actual uniforms. Back in April, the Padres were the first team to announce a partnership, one which will feature hilariously large Motorola patches. Sadly, my hometown Red Sox have now joined this vulgar parade.

A Red Sox uniform with an unseemly ad patch on one sleeve.

In a word: Yuck. In an emoji: 🙊. Though MassMutual is a Massachusetts-based insurance company with 170+ years of history in the Bay State, they simply don’t belong on the team’s uniform. No one does. Alas, I have little doubt that this scourge is coming for the rest of the league as well.

In better uniform news, friend-of-the-site Casey L. and I were recently discussing mock-ups for alternate jersey for the Boston Celtics. He had found a fun jersey design created by a fan:

A Celtics jersey mockup, showing the colored lines of Boston’s subway system, as well as the system’s “T” logo.
[Image via @petemrogers]

This design plays off of Boston‘s public transit system (known as “The T”), including our four colored subway lines, two of which (Orange and Green) meet at North Station where the Celtics play. It’s a very nice idea. Unfortunately, it wasn’t an original one. I had actually seen and enjoyed this same image a day or two earlier, before learning that it was actually a fairly obvious knock-off of another artist’s better design:

A better Celtics jersey mockup, also showing the colored lines of Boston’s subway system, as well as the system’s “T” logo.
[Image via Reddit]

Happily, when “timbo_sport” came to defend their honor, it led me to check out more of their work. That brought me to my favorite design yet, their “Cutting Edge”:

A wonderful Celtics jersey mockup, showing the lines and towers of the Zakim Bridge.

This gorgeous design subtly references the cables and towers of the Zakim Bridge, which sits directly next to TD Garden, the Celtics’ home arena. Living just down the street, I’ve captured a number of decent pictures of this bridge. However, this (slightly cropped) 2013 shot from Eric Kilby does a superior job of showing both the bridge and the Garden:

[Photo credit: Eric Kilby]

Built as part of Boston’s infamous Big Dig, the Zakim was at one time the world’s widest cable-stayed bridge, and it remains an icon for the city. Paying homage to it on the Celtics uniform would be delightful. Maybe some day.

From an ad-marred shame, to a decent image that turned out to be a knock-off, to the original creator’s better execution, to the above masterpiece, it was quite a uniform roller coaster. Of course, I’ll be forced to see the livery I most disliked all season next year, while the looks I enjoyed most don’t actually exist. A man can dream, though. A man can dream.

Don’t Trade With Tampa Bay

It's a safe bet that they’re smarter than you are.

Most years, the Tampa Bay Rays have one of the lowest payrolls in Major League Baseball. Despite that, they’ve frequently fielded a competitive team, despite playing in the same division as the powerhouse Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees. One way they’ve done this is by finding undervalued players and capitalizing on their skills while they’re still on inexpensive or team-friendly deals. Another way, apparently, is by taking advantage of idiots.

I’m sure many MLB GMs read One Foot Tsunami, and I urge them to heed my advice: If Tampa Bay shows interest in a player, just don’t trade them. They’re probably days away from breaking out as superstars.

Here Comes the Ceremonial First Pitch 

Every time you come out to the ballpark, you’ll see something you've never seen before.

Last night, before the Red Sox defeated the Houston Astros, heir to the Benihana fortune (and also some sort of musician, apparently) Steve Aoki threw out a ceremonial first pitch. It was…not great. In fact, it was so airmailed that if not for the netting above the stands behind home plate, the ball would’ve landed quite deep in the crowd.

If only was Max Scherzer had been there when Steve Aoki needed him.

Here Comes the Pizza Chucker 

15 years of pizza tossing and hilarity.

Almost exactly fifteen years ago today, Jerry Remy made his immortal call of “Here Comes the Pizza” during the Red Sox 2007 Patriot’s Day game. Today, ESPN has posted a tremendous deep-dish deep dive into the story. It focuses on Dan Kelly, chucker of the pizza. Because they’ve used the video I posted way back in 2012, it even features my dumb face embedded right in the middle of the story:

My dumb face, on an overlay of the video

Speaking of that video, I’ve always wondered how on earth it’s managed to stay online. It is very much not licensed, and it has over 2 million views. I can’t explain it. In a column from the 10th anniversary back in 2017, Grant Brisbee explained his theory of how it played out:

I’d like to think at MLB Advanced Media, a nervous staffer came up to his boss with a list of illicit YouTube videos that needed DMCA takedowns.

“Aaron hitting 715?”

“Take it down.”

“Mike Trout scaling the wall? Looks like there’s a whole playlist.”

“Take them all down.”

“Here comes the pizza?”

“T … no. No, that one stays.”

There’s a difference between dumb baseball highlights that get people excited about baseball and something that belongs to the world.

I like to believe that the video so deserves to be in the world that even the laws of copyright don’t apply to it. And while I do wish my brick would get a mention or two in these articles, it’s wonderful just to see “Here Comes the Pizza” continuing to provide so much joy to the world. Thanks, Jerry.

New Jersey’s New Jersey Says “Jersey”

Do you think the Brooklyn Nets’ nets are labeled “net”?

When done well, an alternate jersey can be a fun change of pace for a sports team and their fans. When done poorly, well, it can at least be a source of amusement and mockery. In the National Hockey League, teams all have two jerseys, for home and away. Nearly all teams also have an alternate third jersey for fun, for special occasions, and of course, for the purpose of selling more merchandise to fans.

After nearly 50 years in the NHL, that group finally includes the New Jersey Devils, which leads to this amusing and true sentence: New Jersey’s new jerseys are their first third jerseys. Those just-unveiled new jerseys land somewhere in the middle of the quality spectrum, neither great nor comical. Have a look:

On the one hand, the black is a really good look. On the other, the stripes (one for each of New Jersey’s 21 counties) wind up looking excessive in number. The elephant in the room, however, is the fact that this a uniform top that literally labels itself. It’s a jersey that says “Jersey”, and that has already led to plenty of lampooning since the update leaked this past weekend.

As someone who spent his formative years living in the Garden State, I’d have loved to have seen them say “Jerz”, or even better, “Dirty Jerz”. As it stands, however, it’s a little on the nose.

Rest In Peace and Pizza, RemDawg

You will be missed, Jerry.

Yesterday, news came of the death of Boston Red Sox fan favorite Jerry Remy. Remy played 10 years in the bigs, including 7 years with Boston in the ’70s and ’80s. However, he’s much better known for his 34 years calling Red Sox broadcasts on TV. A tremendous announcer, he became the voice of the team as they won four World Series since 2004. He will be dearly missed.

The Boston Globe posted a wonderful overview of his life, as well as collection of fond reactions from those who knew him. Though Remy was first diagnosed with cancer way back in 2008, he managed to work for much of the next 13 years. It’s worth appreciating all that additional time we got to share with him.

Back in 2011, I had the good fortune of meeting Jerry and his then-broadcast partner Don Orsillo before a flight to Cleveland. Somehow their travel had gotten rearranged such that they weren’t flying on the team’s plane, and I wound up on the same commercial flight.1 The pair was gracious enough to pose for a picture, one that’s brought a smile to my face since I heard this news.

Jerry Remy, your truly, and Don Orsillo
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]

Around that time, I made a special note to myself to appreciate that I was in the midst of the good old days when it came to Red Sox broadcasts. Jerry was terrific, and hearing him each night was a special treat. The pairing of Remy and Orsillo in particular was tremendous. The duo was so beloved that they even got their own bobblehead:

Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo as bobbleheads
You can also enjoy a video of them acting as real-life bobbleheads.

After the 2015 season, management made the regrettable decision not to renew Don’s contract. Nevertheless, the duo can still be seen in many, many hilarious clips on YouTube.2 And of course, Jerry continued to do stellar work working alongside play-by-play announcer Dave O’Brien, as well as with his former teammate Dennis Eckersley and other colormen.

He had a long tenure in the broadcast booth, but around these parts, Jerry’s single most notable call is the wonderful “Here Comes the Pizza”. When I first heard it live in 2007, I knew it was something special, and I’ve done my best to keep it alive in the memories of Red Sox fans. Since news of Remy’s passing broke, the video I posted to YouTube has been viewed tens of thousands of times. I’m gratified to know that people can find a bit of joy in the face of this sad news. I think Jerry, with his sense of humor, would appreciate it too.

Jerry made his final public appearance at Fenway Park on October 5. He threw out the first pitch ahead of Boston’s win-or-go-home playoff game against the Yankees, a contest that echoed one he’d played in 43 years earlier. Unlike in 1978, however, the Red Sox were victorious in 2021. It was a fitting farewell for a Red Sox legend. Jerry, you will be missed.


  1. As I recall, Jerry was in first class, while Don was not. I chatted with Don for a few minutes, and we joked that they make the play-by-play guy ride back in coach with the rest of us plebes. ↩︎

  2. Jerry had countless great moments on air, but “Jerry loses a tooth” has to be near the top of any ranked list. Look, at 162 games, the baseball season is long. There are bound to be at least a few stinkers, games that are blowouts, or just plain boring. Jerry always made it fun. ↩︎