41 results found for “penis”

Ethical Testicles 

Friday, June 15th, 2018

Earlier this year, the world’s first total penis and scrotum transplant was successfully completed. I find this deeply weird, but perhaps the most fascinating aspect of the whole thing is the ethical questions it raised:

Were the testicles also transplanted?

No. The reason being is that it was considered unethical as the donor’s sperm would have been transferred to the recipient.

“Those sperm-producing cells will stay in the testes for the life of the testes,” Redett explained. Basically, if you transplant the testes, you are giving the recipient the ability to pass on the donor’s DNA.

It makes sense.

That Last Line Is Really Something 

Wednesday, May 9th, 2018

If you don’t want to hear about a prison guard’s penis in excruciating detail, you shouldn’t click this link, or answer a summons for jury duty.

Luigi’s Penis 

Tuesday, March 20th, 2018

Luigi is packing heat, and the internet is loving it.

Let’s get zoomy on this:

That is…certainly something.

That Ridiculous Mother Can Tell Her Kids It’s a Cowboy Hat 

Friday, November 17th, 2017

I’m not saying this is a good use of taxpayer money, but I like it better than bombing innocent civilians.

Previously in public penises: Phallus-Obsessed Bushwacker Strikes Again and The Giant Phallus Protest

And When You Gaze Long Into an Abyss, the Abyss Will Present You With Phallic Sea Creatures 

Tuesday, June 20th, 2017

It’s easy to see why Popular Science is so popular, with a headline like this.

I’m Unclear on How a Metal Detector Helped 

Thursday, January 5th, 2017

Frankly, six centimeters doesn’t seem very mammoth to me.

Ghost Shark 

Monday, December 19th, 2016

It’s a busy day, because I have to add “ghost sharks” to my ever-growing list of fears. While you can steer clear of normal sharks by simply staying out of the ocean, a ghost shark can surely pass through walls and get you wherever you are. Worse, if it’s a male, it could attack you with its retractable forehead penis.

Detachable Penis 

Monday, May 9th, 2016

Since it was erected in 1948, a statue of a nude Heracles in France has been repeated dismembered by vandals. Locals have finally solved the issue, with a cure almost as bad as the disease: a detachable penis

While no pictures of the new organ have surfaced yet, it’s understood that it will be removed after the ceremonies too, meaning you’d be a lucky tourist to catch a glimpse of it.

Yes, much like seeing the northern lights or visiting Tibet from China, only a favored few visitors will be say “we were so fortunate to be there at a time when Heracles’s wang was attached”.

Suggested soundtrack for this post: King Missile’s bizarre 1992 hit.

Things I Learned About Dog Treats

Friday, December 11th, 2015

Speaking of that dog, I learned some truly disgusting things while watching his furry butt recently.

  • Many dogs enjoy a treat known as a “bully stick”, which appears to be a bone, or some sort of jerky. Previously, these treats had been in a plain Ziploc bag, but they are in fact sold in proper packaging, by places like Petco.

    A package of Bully Sticks

  • In addition to “bully sticks”, said packaging also refers to these treats as “steer sticks”. Hmm.

  • The ingredients list the item as “beef pizzle”. Beef…pizzle…? Is that…is that a penis?!

  • That’s totally a penis! Jesus! Also, “beef” is a kind of meat. This is a bull pizzle, though the attempt at obfuscation is understandable.

  • The warning label on this treat is horrifying on so very many levels:

    Warning label which reads This is a pet chew. Not intended for human consumption. Always supervise your pet while chewing–remove any small, broken or splintering pieces to minimize the risk of choking hazard or gastrointestinal blockage. If chew becomes wet, some color transfer may occur. Feeding on upholstry or carpeting is not recommended. Provide fresh water to your pet at all times. Wash hands throughly before and after handling product.

  • To put it frankly, chewed bull penis mixed with dog saliva does not smell very good.

Barvd: 2014 in Review

Thursday, February 12th, 2015

Just over a year ago, the world was introduced to the Barvd emoji. Lamentably, however, there hasn’t been an official edition of Barvd since last January. Fortunately, plenty of awful was collected since then, so let’s take a look at 2014 in unpleasantness.

January

Gotta figure by this point, thousands of divorced dads have accidentally sexted their daughter
@scottsimpson

Thanks, Scott! It’s always good to kick things off with a truly horrifying thought.

February

There are lots of sounds you don't want to hear in the next stall over, but the iPhone camera shutter is pretty high up there.
@redkeg

I’m not saying you should visit RateMyPoo.com, because you shouldn’t. Hell, that’s why I didn’t even make that a link. But you should be aware that a bowel movement rating site exists, and allow that fact to color your impression of humanity.

March

Much like the Olsen twins on Full House, the role of 'weird lump on my bathroom wall' was played by 15,000 spiders
@scottsimpson

This horrifying tweet from @heidihitschildren was a runner-up in February, and helped Scott to his second appearance here in just three months.

April

My sleep-mind said 'Whatever, it's fine if the cat pukes on my back, I'll clean it up later.' Luckily I woke up enough to prevent that.
@commanda

The cat grosses me out, but the sleep-mind cracks me up.

May

Soup is a great way to eat wet meat out of a little bathtub.
@AlisonAgosti

Probably the worst thing about this is that it’s technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.

June

We have an intermission here, as much like in August of 2013, no one grossed me out in June of 2014. It seems like my gag reflex takes summer vacations. Ah well — moving on!

July

'My dad worked in a sub-zero meat locker. He said the worst thing about it was, farts would hang in the still air forever. Eight hours a day.
@mrgan

And now, a passage from my upcoming novel “Mumphrey’s Downfall”, set amongst the backdrop of world diplomacy and international intrigue:

  • “As soon as he said it, he knew he’d made a terrible mistake. Forks and glasses clattered to the floor, and then the room fell silent. His words hung there, like a fart in the freezer.”

I am currently accepting bids from publishers.

August

'90 percent of hotel beds have bedbugs. But look at your own bed. It’s entirely made of bedbugs. Now look in the mirror. Yes. You are, too.
@Moltz

It seems 2014 was a good year for gross-out tweets about bugs.

September

'Almost forgot: @magnetbox's foot says Hi
@ems

I particularly like the way Michaela’s tweet does not transcribe this as a quote from the foot. Rather, it is a simple statement of fact.

October

I guess sushi is okay, but it makes the microwave smell terrible and by the time the fish is cooked through, the rice is overdone.
@mccreath

Sushi does not work that way!

November

Old man at urinal. Both hands on hips. Possibly prehensile penis.
@biorhythmist

Just re-reading this, I had a visceral gag. Awful, Matt, just awful.

December

Special Garlic Dipping Sauce in a Keurig
@Clarko@Clarko@Clarko

Please allow my earlier comment, as well as @antichrista’s, to serve as a reply:

Jesus, Dude

Damn straight. Insta-Barvd of the year, is more like it. Thanks a lot, Clarko. Jesus Crist.

Closing Time

Sometimes, I stop and take stock of things. “Self,” I’ll ask, in these moments of introspection, “are you really spending time compiling all the gross things people put out there on social media?”. Yes. Yes, I am, so if you’ve seen an awful tweet, Instagram pic or other post, send it in or just tweet a link to @PBones.

Until next time!