Following their excellent coverage of Aramark’s cut-rate edition of the 9-9-9 challenge back in March, SFGate has a new scoop. It appears the challenge package is no longer for sale at Oracle Park. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Previous “Baseball Bloopers” posts
Oracle Park’s Bogus 9-9-9 Challenge Has Disappeared ∞
Not so much “controversial” as “craptastic”
Monday, May 4th, 2026
Aramark’s Sham Edition of the 9-9-9 Challenge ∞
In the words of friend-of-the-site Jason S., “This ain’t it”. It really ain’t!
Thursday, March 26th, 2026
While contemplating the corporate edition of the 9-9-9 challenge yesterday, I was surprised that a massive corporation would encourage fans to drink copiously. I should have known better. It turns out the package comes with one (1) single 24 ounce beer. I am entirely unsurprised to find a massive corporation pretending to sell one thing, while providing something much less.
With this promotion, Aramark and MLB have bastardizing to an unforgivable extent the sacred concept of drinking nine beers and eating nine hot dogs over nine innings of baseball. Even if we accept the mini weiners, in no world does 2.67 ounces qualify as “a beer”.
Friend-of-the-site Colin T. pointed me a helpful post from SFGate, which answers most of the questions I had yesterday. It includes an image showing exactly what you get when you buy into this farce:
Aramark, you should be ashamed.
I now know that when you purchase, you do indeed get everything at once. Given that you receive just one beer, it’s surely fewer calories than I estimated, and sales probably continue late into the game. As for selecting your beer, at Oracle Park, fans can have any beer they want as long as it’s Coors Light. Still, my bet that you couldn’t select your beer wasn’t entirely correct. At least last year, fans in Philly really were given a choice from a range of beers.
In guessing how this all worked, I did get one thing completely right. The phony package you see above costs a whopping $54.99 before tax. That is indeed too much to pay for a completely sham edition of the 9-9-9 challenge.
First 9-9-9, Then 9-1-1
And after that, a personal injury attorney.
Wednesday, March 25th, 2026
Today is opening day for the 2026 MLB season, so let’s talk baseball. Actually, let’s talk food and drink at the ballgame, and the 9-9-9 challenge. This feat requires you to consume 9 hot dogs and slug back 9 beers within the 9 innings of a baseball game. It sounds both awful and incredibly expensive, so naturally, it’s quite popular.
The earliest reference to the challenge that I’ve found is a site called 999AllStar.com, which is sadly no longer online. Fortunately for us all, the invaluable Internet Archive has captures of the site back to 2004. They provide a delightful look into the past, and the site’s Rules page is particularly noteworthy. It contained a thematically appropriate nine rules, including:
Rule #2: You must have a designated driver to attempt the…Challenge.
Rule #4: One beer must equal a minimum of 12oz.
More on those in a moment.
While 999AllStar.com may be dead, the 9-9-9 challenge is more popular than ever. In fact, in the past year, it’s gone corporate. During the 2025 postseason, food service vendor Aramark sold an official 9-9-9 challenge box for Philadelphia Phillies games at Citizens Bank Park.
[Photo credit: Aramark]
In 2026, the company is expanding the package to five additional ballparks.1 The offering is even being promoted by MLB itself.
Naturally, this called for a celebrity pitchman. Who better than hot dog eating champion Joey Chestnut to sidle into Oracle Park, slap on a poorly made Aramark jersey, and scarf some encased meat while chugging beers?
Before
[Photo credit: Aramark]
During
[Photo credit: Aramark]
After…a very different event, demonstrating “The Agony of Victory”
The above promotional photos show full-sized 12 ounce beer cans, but you can see that the actual serving glasses are rather small. Aramark states that their pre-packaged version of the challenge features nine “mini hot dogs”, as well as nine “flight‑sized” beers. I have been unable to determine exactly what that means, except that they’ve watered down the whole thing and broken rule #4. Both I and the Amarillo Sod Poodles know shenanigans when we see ’em.
The reasons for this bastardization are obvious enough, but the promotion still leaves me with a lot of questions.
QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT ARAMARK’S 9-9-9 CHALLENGE
Do they serve you all the dogs and beers at once?
It sure seems like it, so I hope you’re ready to enjoy some cold dogs and warm beers after about inning number four.
What’s the total calorie count on this package?
Even if “mini” means half-sized, that might be 1000-1500 calories for the hot dogs. Add in another 500-1000 calories for the beers.
Do they stop selling it after the first inning?
Probably not. So just how close to the end of the game do you think you can buy nine beers at once?
Do you get to select your beer?
Also probably not, though surprisingly, Coors Field does sell many non-Coors beers. That even includes arch-rival Budweiser.
Can you at least select a non-alcoholic beer?
Hey, teetotalers deserve the chance to overdose on sodium and nitrates too.
Do you get to keep the glasses?
I imagine you do. I cannot imagine what the hell a person does with nine miniature beer glasses branded with the logo of a single baseball team, adorable though they may be.
Just how much does this all cost?
Whatever it is, it’s too much.
Given the newly commercial nature of the 9-9-9 challenge, the folks behind the defunct 999AllStar.com really ought to consider making it refunct.2 I doubt they sold much merchandise back in the day, but in 2026, they could clean up. Who wouldn’t want to wear this lovely t-shirt?
Or, ya know, one with a better design.
You can take a gander at their old Merch page, but because it was 2004 and bandwidth hadn’t been invented yet, the images on it are hilariously small. If you squint, you may be able to make out the other items they had for sale, which included a baseball hat, a BBQ apron, and a baby bib. More than two decades on, I can still recognize the stink of CafePress. I’m shocked they weren’t selling thongs, too.
Anyhow, as a grassroots stunt invented by fans, the 9-9-9 challenge was good-if-inadvisable fun. I’m quite surprised to see a business getting in on it, however, even a business that makes its money selling food and drinks. They may have shrunk the portions, but it’s still some very excessive consumption.
Given MLB’s successful efforts to speed up the game, it seems particularly unwise to encourage fans to down nine beers, “flight-sized” though they may be. Unlike 999AllStar.com, Aramark has no rule requiring a designated driver. I punched some fuzzy numbers into several different BAC calculators, and they all showed that most people who complete this challenge would still be over America’s .08% legal limit to drive at the end of an average length game. But hey, maybe those tiny hot dog buns will soak up some of that alcohol.3
I’m calling it now. In a year or three, I’ll be here reporting on a wrongful death lawsuit against Aramark. When that time comes, the only surprise will be whether it relates to drunk driving, choking, or a heart attack.
Update (March 26, 2026): Then again, maybe it’ll be a class action lawsuit for deceptive advertising.
Footnotes:
In addition to Citizens Bank Park (Phillies):
[Photo credit: Aramark]you’ll find Aramark’s 9-9-9 challenge package at Citi Field (Mets):
[Photo credit: Aramark]Coors Field (Rockies):
[Photo credit: Aramark]Daikin Park (Astros):
[Photo credit: Aramark]Kauffman Stadium (Royals):
[Photo credit: Aramark]and Oracle Park (Giants):
[Photo credit: Aramark]These promotional images were edited down from massive 30+ meg files which Aramark provided via Dropbox. I am delighted to think about someone staging this little tableau for a team, replete with a napkin of the proper color, then resetting the entire arrangement five more times. The least I could do was to include all six delightful images here.
I’m afraid I must issue two demerits, however, because the Mets and the Astros images contain 10 beers, rather than 9. MLB’s social media post for this even notably excludes those two clubs. ↩︎
A hat tip to my friends Todd R. and Rich W., who played bass and drums respectively in the late-aughts Cambridge band “Refunct” that inspired this dumb joke. Click here to stream a track. ↩︎
Because my high school driver’s ed class needed to fulfill the “health” portion of the state-mandated curriculum, it contained a fair amount of information about alcohol. The intent was to discourage drunk driving, which is laudable. Still, our teacher Mr. Wilkinson was fully aware that many students were going to imbibe, so he shared the sage recommendation to avoid doing so on an empty stomach. His counsel was along the lines of “Eat some bread to slow things down”. It’s not the worst advice. ↩︎
Naming the Random Street Near the Dumpsters
I’ll gladly sign any petition to make Maranville Street official.
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2025
While perusing my local subreddit recently, I read about a delightful monkeyshine perpetrated by user u/AggravatingSmoke1829, whose real name looks to be Brendan. While I can’t vouch for the authenticity of Brendan’s story, I can say that I dearly hope it’s true:
During the COVID lockdown…I noticed a small, unnamed street next to the Hancock Village townhome complex near where I live, and since Google Maps lets you suggest edits, I thought it would be funny to send one for this random street near the dumpsters. I named it Maranville Street after one of my favorite old-timey baseball players, who has an epic name, Rabbit Maranville, and sent the edit without thinking much of it.
I was surprised to get an e-mail two days later from Google saying my edit was approved, and sure enough, Maranville Street was now on the map (it still is).
Not only did Google Maps accept this edit, it was eventually picked up Boston’s bus system. The MBTA’s 51 bus now has stops both at Maranville and opposite it. A year later, Brandon was quite shocked, and no doubt also amused, when he heard this stop announced as he rode the bus.
At present, it is still possible to find Maranville Street on Google Maps. I fear it may disappear sometime soon, so I will immortalize it here:
Over on Apple Maps, there is currently no Maranville Street to be found in Boston. I’m honestly not sure if that says good or bad things about the service. I can say that a search for “Maranville Street, Boston, MA” repeatedly returned a useless result in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, some 650 miles away:
So, uh, keep up the work there, Apple Maps. Keep up the work.
Using the “Report Something Missing” option, I’m doing my part to make Maranville Street stick back up in Boston:
🤞 Fingers crossed!
To close, here’s a snippet of Baseball Hall-of-Famer Rabbit Maranville’s Wikipedia page:
Maranville was known as one of “baseball’s most famous clowns” due to his practical jokes and lack of inhibitions. He used to don a pair of glasses to make fun of umpires and mimic the actions of hitters or pitchers who took an especially long time to get ready. Other stunts he pulled included throwing firecrackers, stepping out on hotel ledges, and swallowing goldfish. On a road trip to New York, Maranville had teammate Jack Scott cry “Stop, thief!” as Scott chased him through Times Square. Another time, his concerned teammates broke into his hotel room after hearing screams, breaking glass, and gunshots emanating from within, as well as Maranville groaning, “Eddie, you’re killing me!” An unharmed Maranville and two friends greeted the players like nothing was wrong as they wandered out of the room
It’s clear that “Maranville” is a very fitting choice for this bit of guerrilla street naming. Those are some mighty fine shenanigans, there, Brandon, and I salute you.
Baseball’s Oldest Argument ∞
This is a long read, but a good one.
Thursday, November 27th, 2025
In the second half of the 19th century, there were apparently many who argued that baseballs could not be made to curve. This curveball controversy lasted for decades, until camera technology advanced sufficiently to prove the reality of the curveball.
Though the matter is now settled, a look back at the debate around the existence of the curveball is an interesting way to consider more than a century of life in America.
Better Than a Rabbit’s Foot ∞
Get your team a Will Smith, stat.
Monday, November 3rd, 2025
On Saturday night, Los Angeles Dodgers catcher Will Smith smacked an 11th inning home run that wound up winning the 2025 World Series for his team. It was Smith’s third championship with the Dodgers, following titles in 2024 and 2020. That’s a good run, but even more impressively, it means that the World Series-winning team has now featured a Will Smith for six straight years. Here’s a look at the Wills Smith:
2025: Dodgers catcher Will Smith
2024: Dodgers catcher Will Smith
2023: Rangers pitcher Will Smith
2022: Astros pitcher Will Smith
2021: Braves pitcher Will Smith
2020: Dodgers catcher Will Smith
Will Smith the catcher has won all his titles with the same team. Will Smith the pitcher, however, managed to win three years in a row with three different teams. According to Will Smith the pitcher’s Wikipedia page, winning three championships with three different teams three years in a row has otherwise never been done in the history of North American professional sports. Now that’s lucky.
And yet despite all their baseball success, neither of these guys get to be the first hit on Wikipedia for their own name.
An Instant Fan Legend ∞
“I waved at him when he came up,” Turner said. “Maybe he saw me.”
Wednesday, October 8th, 2025
This year, Seattle Mariners catcher Cal Raleigh (nickname “The Big Dumper”) became just the 7th man to slug 60 home runs in a season. That helped lead his team to the playoffs, and on Tuesday night, his Mariners faced off against the Tigers for game three of the American League Division Series in Detroit. At the game was one incredibly lucky fan:
Jameson Turner — who was born in Longview, Wash., and now lives in Las Vegas — was wearing a bright teal shirt, with a simple message (“DUMP HERE”), with a massive No. 61 in the middle.
According to The Athletic, Turner made that shirt for Seattle’s final regular-season series. He hadn’t planned on traveling to Detroit for last night’s game, but the shirt was “begging to be worn”. He snagged a last minute ticket in left field above the Mariners bullpen and hoped a dinger might find its way to him. As MLB.com reports, that’s exactly what happened.
Raleigh…caught up to a 1-1 sinker at the top rail from Brenan Hanifee and drilled it the other way, 391 feet to left-center.
…
It flew into the bullpen and took the perfect bounce — straight to the fan who’d asked for it.
For Turner to catch Raleigh’s 61st home run of the season was incredible enough. It’s what happened next, however, that makes him a legend:
Turner was more than prepared. As soon as he collected Raleigh’s homer off a bounce in the Mariners’ bullpen, he had a change of clothes ready.
This new shirt? “DUMP HERE — No. 62.”
[Photo credit: NAME]
If there were a Baseball Fan Hall of Fame, Jameson Turner would be elected on the first ballot.
Enter The Password
He logged on to the show.
Wednesday, September 10th, 2025
Last month, the Red Sox called up a prospect by the name of Jhostynxon Garcia. His doozy of a first name is pronounced “Yo-Stin-Sun”.> That’s not actually hard to say, but it’s certainly tough to spell. Thankfully, the man has a spectacular nickname: The Password.
Hopefully, it’s clear why. His long and unique first name requires just a bit of punctuation to meet the requirements for your online banking. This nickname is perfect, and perfectly delightful. One of my favorite things is that the nickname’s origin can be directly traced to one specific Twitter post:
Though that @InsideFastball account has just a few hundred followers, this idea was simply too good not to catch on. As The Password rose through the minor leagues, his fame rose even faster. In fact, months before he’d made his major league debut, Garcia made it onto Jeopardy:
[Photo credit: Worcester Red Sox]
Though Garcia’s initial stint in the majors was brief, he still managed to cause some copyediting headaches. In fact, in his debut, the Red Sox own television network NESN erred. Can you spot the typo?
You might be thinking “I will never know if that first name is spelled wrong”, and that might well be so. But that’s exactly what caught my eye on this screen. Here’s the issue, highlighted:
They were so focused on the first name, which they got right, that they didn’t even notice they’d messed up the far simpler “Garcia”.
Insignificant Figures
I don’t even really trust the “470 feet” part of it, but I’m willing to accept it.
Monday, August 11th, 2025
Since 2015, Major League Baseball has used a system called Statcast to collect data about the game, measuring things like the speed of pitches or the launch angle for hits. One of Statcast’s most popular features is “projected HR distance”, which purports to tell just how far away a home run would have landed if not for obstructions such as fans and back walls. These stats don’t have any impact on the game, but they do give commentators and fans more to talk about.
During the recent 2025 Home Run Derby, however, Statcast went a bit too far. In the first round of the contest, Brent Rooker and Cal Raleigh were tied with 17 home runs hit, meaning the distance of their longest home run would be used to determine which man would advance. However, each of their longest dingers had been measured at 470 feet, seemingly another tie. The announcers asked if Statcast could provide more precise distances. Shortly after, Raleigh was awarded the tiebreaker, with his 470.6 foot home run besting Rooker’s 470.5 footer.
You might be thinking “Can this system accurately estimate a 1/10 of a foot difference?”, and you would be right to be skeptical. That’s 1.2 inches or just over 3 centimeters, and it’s difficult to believe it could actually be that precise. But don’t worry, it got much worse.
A bit later, the following on-screen graphic was shown:
[Photo credit: @matttomic]
That table reads:
Brent Rooker: 470.5351740593
Cal Raleigh: 470.6171452141
You may remember significant figures from a high school science class. They’re used to describe the precision of a numerical result, with more decimal places indicating more precision. The basic idea is that because your measuring tools aren’t infinitely precise, you don’t report digits you can’t trust.
Someone at Statcast might need a refresher. While the above graphic lacks units, it’s talking about feet. That means they’ve provided a measurement down to ten-billionths of a foot. That’s smaller than the width of a single hydrogen atom, and it’s very, very dumb.
