I Suppose True Equality Would Be a ’Roided-Up Female Ballplayer 

Monday, October 22nd, 2018

Do you know a baseball-obsessed girl who wants to pretend to get gum cancer? You’re in luck, because America’s favorite imitation tobacco chew product “Big League Chew” will soon feature a woman on its packaging.

The product itself is still pretty disgusting, but this packaging sure beats the horrifying steroid-enhanced monsters of my ’90s Little League youth.

Gee, This Was a Good Idea 

Friday, October 19th, 2018

I dunno what the odds on this working were, but they couldn’t have been good.

Caught Themselves Red Handed 

Thursday, October 18th, 2018

Two criminals in Scotland used a drone to deliver drugs to prisoners. That’s pretty smart. However, they filmed themselves in the act, and then crashed the drone inside the prison. That’s pretty dumb, and it gets worse.

They also managed to inadvertently record the door number of the house they were operating from and a car parked outside which belonged to them.

I don’t think most drones come with a micro SD card installed. That’s usually a separate purchase, which would mean these two may well have bought and installed the memory card that ultimately took them down.

Looming Eyes Would Freak Me Out Too 

Wednesday, October 17th, 2018

Using googly eyes to increase safety? Well, fine, that’s good too.

I’d Love to Read the Internal Bug Report for This One 

Tuesday, October 16th, 2018

Good news, everyone! In the latest iOS 12.1 betas, Apple has updated the bagel emoji. Last week’s version was monstrously bad. It has now been upgraded to merely “very bad”.

It Does Indeed Look Funny 

Monday, October 15th, 2018

Down in Georgia, a prankster after my own heart googly eyed a statue of Nathanael Greene.

[Photo credit: City of Savannah Government]

Savannah officials weren’t laughing, but pretty much everyone else is.

Californians Don’t Know From Bagels 

Friday, October 12th, 2018

Yesterday’s post featured a quality real-world baked reproduction of a logo. Today, we have a terrible digital representation of a baked good. Shield the eyes of your children from the worst image I’ve posted since Gritty.

Apple's awful bagel emoji

Grubstreet has dissected this image, and they’re correct that it looks like a lousy machine-cut monstrosity. But like a duck/rabbit optical illusion, when I look at this, I can also see one whole bagel on top of half of a much larger bagel. No matter what, it’s all awful.

Good Logo, Good Pretzel 

Thursday, October 11th, 2018

The classic Milwaukee Brewers logo, seen on the left below, is a great one. Looking at it, you can see a baseball inside a glove. However, you may also notice that that glove is created from two stylized letter shapes, “m” and “b”. It’s a terrific execution, it’s a shame that the team traded it in for their current barley-based logo.

Plenty of fans still love the old logo, however, and one local bakery has turned it into a fantastic pretzel. Nicely done!

[Right photo courtesy of @mkepretzel]

A Pip of a Ninth Inning 

Wednesday, October 10th, 2018

Grant Brisbee does some fantastic baseball writing over at SBNation. Previously, his column was inside-jokily-named “Grant Land”. Now, it has the equally insider-and-stupid-but-amusing name of “This Week in Dumb, Beautiful Baseball”. Brisbee does an admirable job of exploring why fans love the game, while also pointing out its many absurdities.

Today, he examined last night’s game pitting my hometown Red Sox against the New York Yankees. Brisbee’s summary of the Yankees’ near-comeback is the closest thing to being there I’ve yet read. An excerpt:

[crowd noise intensifies]

Now the tying run is on first and the winning run is at the plate.

[crowd noise is mostly barfing at this point, just extremely violent retching]

The first pitch from Kimbrel hits Neil Walker. Now the tying run is on second and the winning run is on first.

[there is no crowd noise. there is only the rending of garments and gnashing of teeth]

I was in the Bronx last night, and that bottom of the ninth is easily the most nervous I’ve ever been at a ballgame. Side note, did you know that Yankee Stadium tends to attract a lot of Yankees fans, and they get extremely loud when their team starts coming back?

It was 14 minutes of perfect, hilarious, dumb baseball, unless you cared about the Yankees or Red Sox, in which case it was the worst 14 minutes of your life.

That’s just about right. But when it was over, man did it feel good.

Victory, Relief
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]

They Had Color in the 1940s? 

Tuesday, October 9th, 2018

We usually see nothing but black and white photos from the ’50s and earlier. Over at The Atlantic, however, you can find a stunning collection of color photographs from the rail yards of Chicago taken in 1942 and 1943. While the images don’t quite look modern, they certainly make things feel a lot more recent.

At the time, Pabst was just popular, not “ironically popular”