Fighting Birds With Birds ∞

A.I. certainly isn’t going to take the jobs of falconry professionals anytime soon.

Pigeon poop is a persistent problem for passengers on public ptransit. Raptors might make things better.

The Flying Train ∞

It’s not actually supposed to be pronounced “Shh-wheeee-bee-baa-nn”, but I’m not letting that stop me.

Kathryn Xu rode the Wuppertal Schwebebahn, and she loved it.

Before my trip to Germany, I declared this desire to ride the Wuppertal Schwebebahn to many of my close friends, and also several strangers. Some people thought it sounded pretty cool. Others said they were happy for me. More than once I was accused of making up words.

Should I ever find myself in or near Wuppertal, Germany, I will be sure to ride the Schwebebahn as well.

Who’s Ready for Some Scheduled Laughs?

Do you want a lot more OFT content, created by machines? No? Me neither.

Today in horrible emails, it’s an unsolicited come-on I recently received from Neodrop.ai (link intentionally omitted). Their message suggested their A.I. could write content for this very website. I have reproduced it in its entirety:

Hi there,

We recently came across One Foot Tsunami — humor writing, kept tight and funny.

That’s exactly the kind of humor-essay blog we built NeoDrop for — an AI content team that keeps creating for you. Tell it what to make — newsletters, videos, podcasts, or articles — and how often; it researches fresh sources, picks what matters, and produces editable content on schedule, so jokes get drafted before the news moves on.

Imagine a punchline-perfect morning, draft ready:
– Draft essays in your comic voice
– Turn headlines into topic lists
– Keep the laughs scheduled
You keep the final judgement, editing, and fact-checking.

If anything comes up while you’re using it — questions, feedback, or ideas — just reply to this email; we’d love to hear how it can work better for One Foot Tsunami.

Best,
NeoDrop Team

I have not used the advertised service, nor even looked at it. I did briefly consider using Neodrop to write an article mocking the idea of using Neodrop to write content for this site, but even that idea made me sad.

Still, I do have some simple feedback: I do not want this. No artist should want this. Stop. This is a bad solicitation, one whose very existence is depressing. It’s much worse than creepy Sid the payroll rep, who at least wanted to offer me a service that might be useful.

I write this site for fun. One Foot Tsunami is a hobby, a labor of love, and a creative outlet. I hope to use my writing to entertain, amuse, and educate real readers like you, and the key phrase there is my writing.

Using the robots to do it for me would be beyond pointless. It’s not quite as evocative, but just as Dan Brooks doesn’t want a robot that pets the dog for him, I don’t want the machines to write my damned blog for me.

Screaming Birds ∞

Birds are so weird, and it’s great.

Apparently, Brazil is full of very loud birds, and UMass biologist Jeff Podos has been studying them. The white bellbird is one of a trio of very loud birds, and it’s currently considered the “World’s Loudest” by no less an authority than Guinness World Records. Here’s how the bird is described.

…sounds like a smoke detector that needs a new battery and attracts mates by screaming in their faces…

Gosh, that’s sexy.

The Bizarre, Murky History of Soviet-Born Tetris ∞

Also, “Copywrongs” is a useful word.

The history of Tetris is a very interesting read, replete with poorly-decided court cases and duplicitous communists-turned-capitalists.

It’s No One’s Favorite Beagle, Snorpy

You should absolutely not buy from Novolly.com.

Recently, I found myself on the receiving end of a good old-fashioned bait and switch scam. Perhaps I should hide my shame. Instead, I’m going to tell you all about it.

It started with an internet advertisement, one which pitched a felt Snoopy doll. I hope you’ll agree it’s adorable:

A felt Snoopy, in a lovely wooden box with a pillow and a letterpress card

I have been a Peanuts fan since childhood, so this product was well-targeted. The presentation was wonderful as well. With that handsome wooden box and beautiful letterpress card, I thought this tiny Snoopy would make another lovely gift for my special lady. It was even on sale:

A regular price of $41.99, but on sale for $20.98

With too little thought, I placed an order with Novolly.com (link intentionally omitted), then waited for my cute little guy to arrive. When the package came, I opened it eagerly. This is what I beheld:

Snorpy, in all his hideousness

Oh, no. No, no, no. What is this? That’s not Snoopy! That’s some sort of horrible knock-off. It’s…Snorpy! And Snorpy ain’t right.

Immediately after laying eyes on this abomination, I emailed the seller to ask, and please pardon my strong language, what the heck? I included a photograph of what I’d received, as well as a link to their product page to show the contrast. Despite that, their first reply requested pictures. I sent more, along with a firm demand for a refund. Here is their horrifying reply, in full:

Thank you for reaching out to us, and please accept our sincere apologies for the quality issue with your order.

We want to be transparent with you: our workshop employs a significant number of people with disabilities, and our handmade felt dolls are crafted by them with great care and dedication. While this makes each piece unique and meaningful, we must also be honest that handmade items from our team may occasionally have minor imperfections or variations compared to the product photos. We are truly sorry that the item you received did not fully meet your expectations.

As a sincere gesture of goodwill, we would like to offer you a 20% refund​ of your order total — no return needed. You are welcome to keep the item. We hope this helps make up for the disappointment.

If you have any further concerns, please don’t hesitate to let us know. We truly value your understanding and support for our team.

Best regards,
Novolly Support Team

Please note the text to which I’ve added emphasis. Having the gall to blame this on “people with disabilities” is surely a one-way ticket straight to hell, right?

I was aghast, and opted to simply ignore what I’m fairly certain was an outright lie. I replied to once again request a full refund. We went back and forth several times, with their support robot offering increasing discounts from 20% to 50% to 60% to 65%. All the while, I was assured that I could keep the rubbish they’d had deposited in my mailbox.

In addition to throwing their probably fictitious disabled employees under the bus, the company also attempted to scare me into accepting a partial refund offer. To do so, they told me that getting a “full refund” require me shipping the item back to them in Hong Kong, at my own expense. That’s quite a swindle: Ship junk from across the globe, then require the recipient to mail it back at great expense in order to get their money back.

Obviously, paying to return the item was not the financially savvy move, nor worth the hassle. Instead, I resolved to issue a chargeback with my credit card. Before doing so, I warned them that I planned to do so. Here’s their oh-so-obviously-written-by-A.I-and-not-just-because-of-the-em-dashes reply:

On the chargeback — we’d genuinely like to ask you not to open one. Not because it protects us, but because honestly, it doesn’t serve either of us well. For you, it means a long wait: banks typically take several weeks, sometimes months, to review a case. The funds stay frozen the whole time, there are extra documents and statements to submit, and the outcome is never guaranteed — quite often the dispute is resolved in the seller’s favour and nothing comes of it after all that waiting.

For us, it means the case is taken out of our hands, and we lose the ability to simply process your refund for you — which is exactly what we’re trying to do here, right now.

So in the end, nobody wins. A chargeback turns something we can settle together today into months of waiting and paperwork for both sides. We’d honestly much rather take care of you here, directly, and get the money back on your card right away.

A whole lot of that sickeningly LLM-generated pablum is just flat-out false. Most notably, credit card issuers do not take months to resolve things, and the buyer is generally off the hook for the funds as soon as their complaint is filed. Fortunately, I knew all that. Rather than waste any more time talking to a poorly trained robot, I spent about five minutes filing the chargeback. Later that very same day, my credit card company closed the complaint by issuing me a full refund.

That’s a decent resolution, but obviously, it would’ve been better if none of this had happened at all. I’ve thought about this a fair amount, and I can identify several things that led to me being snookered. It begins with Peanuts celebrating its 75th anniversary last year, which led to Snoopy being everywhere. After seeing dozens, if not hundreds, of licensed products, I didn’t think too much about this particular item.

As well, A.I. imagery is getting really good, and really hard to spot. Looking at the images closely, I now suspect this product has never actually existed in real life. But at a glance, it seemed plausible enough. Heck, the hand holding this even has the right number of fingers, at least as far as I can tell:

A felt Snoopy in a human hand that looks normal enough
Looking very closely, that pinky might be a bit short?

Even the price was set well. The “regular” price of $42 feels plausible-to-slightly high to me, while $21 was low enough to buy without worrying too much about it.

Nevertheless, there were a number of red flags. That sale price winds up being a full 50% off, which is rather a lot. The language on the page isn’t quite right, either:

“Snoopy sits naturally beside the card—free of exaggerated gestures or elaborate embellishments—much like an old friend who never intrudes yet always stays by your side. Even without a word, that familiar smile conveys a sense of simple, reassuring strength.”

But what really should have set off warning bells was the bottom of the product page, which showed several other well-known characters:

Several other felt dolls of big-name characters: Paddington, Scooby-Doo, Winnie the Pooh, and Spiderman

How likely is it that this no-name company managed to score licensing deals with StudioCanal (Paddington), Warner Brothers Discovery (Scooby-Doo), and Sony (Spiderman), and Disney (Winnie the Pooh)? Indeed, not very likely.

I missed those warning signs, and as I result, I got conned by Novolly. Perhaps this post will help others avoid the same fate. In the meantime, here are some side-by-side comparisons to enjoy:

A comparison shot

A comparison shot

A comparison shot

How many differences can you can spot?

Click to reveal a list of seven notable differences

  1. Snoopy is an adorable little pup. Snorpy is disturbingly gangly.

  2. Snoopy is wee. By contrast, Snorpy is far too large.

  3. Snoopy’s toes are stitched. Snorpy’s are drawn on crudely with a marker.

  4. Snoopy sports a nicely-knit scarf. Snorpy’s scarf is raggedy at best.

  5. Snoopy lives in a well-made wooden box. Snorpy arrived in cheap cardboard.

  6. Snoopy rests on a linen burlap pillow. Snorpy sits in crinkled paper that resembles hamster bedding.

  7. Snoopy’s card is letterpressed, with a deckle edge. Snorpy’s is faux-letterpressed and squared off.

Krampus Addresses the Board ∞

It was actually “a random resident who happens to own a demon goat mask”.

In the Massachusetts town of Billerica, they pronounce their name bill-rick-uh, not bill-erica. They also let Krampus the Christmas demon address their Select Board about Flock cameras.

“Santa handles incentives; I handle corrective action,” explained Krampus, a ghoulish figure said to punish poorly behaved children during the holidays.

“This stuff is right up my alley: people associating with the wrong crowds, being subversive, thinking naughty thoughts,” she continued. “With Flock, we can find that, and we can punish it before people have had the chance to actually do anything illegal.”

Krampus added: “I’ve been keeping a list of who’s naughty and who’s nice for centuries. Frankly, it’s about time you people started automating it.”

Krampus’s pro-Flock statements should, of course, be read as sardonic.

Truth in Movie Titling ∞

When they said “everything”, they meant EVERYthing.

Earlier this month, I wrote about the forthcoming Elizabeth Holmes documentary, entitled “You Can See Everything”. I guess that’s really true, because the film has been rated R for graphic nudity.

I continue to think I don’t want to see this.

I Doubt He Has the Data to Back That Up ∞

You know, maybe they deserve each other.

Remember rich dingus Bryan Johnson, who’s obsessed with beating aging? He’s the one who publicly compared his erections against his son’s. Right, “ick”. “Ick” indeed.

Anyhow, Johnson now has a girlfriend, Kate Tolo. Despite some initial discomfort, she’s decided to share Johnson’s hobby.

Describing herself as an introvert, she says she was initially uneasy about becoming “the world’s most measured woman,” as Johnson put it in a video from last August.

But Tolo’s done it anyway, with her blood, urine, and stool being tested for hundreds of different statistics. As a result, Johnson was able to pay her the most bizarre compliment I’ve ever heard:

He’s also declared her vagina’s microbiome to be in the “top 1 percent” of all vaginal ecosystems.

Stop being so weird, Bryan.

The Latest on Regulating Social Media ∞

It’s an idea whose time has come.

I’m quite down on the addictive design social media companies use, including both algorithmic newsfeeds and endless scroll. As such, I was pleased to see the recent multi-billion dollar settlement between Facebook and nearly all of America.

The settlement will effectively force Meta to make major product changes for all U.S. teen users. The company agreed to interrupt endless scrolling and to impose two-hour daily time limits on Instagram and Facebook.

This is some good progress in regulating these products and loosening their hold over users. Unfortunately, it’s limited to underage users, and adults need protection against this harmful design as well.

When I first expressed my distaste for the way social media companies use algorithmic feeds to capture attention, I wrote:

Algorithmic newsfeeds can’t be uninvented, and it seems unlikely they’ll be regulated out of existence.

That’s likely still true, but there’s additional welcome news out of Australia. They’re planning to require at least the option to opt out of algorithmic content be made available, and they’re doing it for adults.

Users over 16 years of age will be given new tools to turn off algorithm-driven content, with platforms facing fines of more than A$100m for non-compliance.

Under the plan – dubbed “my feed, my way” – users opting out of the algorithm will see content only from individuals and groups they have actively chosen to follow.

Imagine that.