Mitch McConnell is, purportedly, still alive. Given that, the Louisville Courier Journal has pre-published a scathing obituary, while no one can complain “How dare you write that about a dead guy?”.
Just Another Manic Mortgage ∞
“Oops, I bought a very dumb house!”
Thursday, July 23rd, 2026
Last year, I linked to an article on a $5.5 million Cape Cod mansion that was on the verge of tumbling into the ocean. Not long after, the house was demolished to prevent that fate. While the house is no longer extant, owner John G. Bonomi Jr. apparently still owes millions on his mortgage. Now, he’s suing JPMorgan Chase in an effort to nullify that contract.
Mistakes were certainly made here, but Bonomi’s lawsuit seems unlikely to bail him out of his.
An Assortment of Bad Emails
The lawyers in particular have been busy.
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2026
I’ve recently received a higher than average number of dumb emails. Let’s talk about a few of them.
Subject Lines From Dumb Emails I’ve Recently Received
***Attention requested, Paul: You’re getting the latest about these scams
Oh boy, hot scam news! And yes, those asterisks were in the subject line.Spring fun begins now, %%Informal Greeting%!
Presumably, the mailing software for this message would’ve replaced the variable %%Informal Greeting%% with, I don’t know, “friend”, or “amigo”, or “buckaroo”. But whoops, they left off a % and the whole thing broke.We’ve Updated Our Terms of Use
I’m sure the lawyers think they’re best served by letting everyone know about fine print updates, but Shake Shack, I really, really do not care about your terms of use. I buy a better-than-you’d-expect Veggie Shack from you perhaps twice a year, and that’s the entirety of our relationship.We’ve Updated Our Terms of Use
Bonus, Shack Shake sent me the exact same message ten days later. I’m not sure if they felt it important to remind me about the change, or if they actually updated their terms of use twice in quick succession. You know, because I didn’t actually read the terms for buying a veggie burger.Learn more about our updated Terms of Service
I don’t want to, Google. I’m also not going to read about “Updates to Google Play Terms of Service” that you emailed about three days later.Your credit score has changed-here’s how
When I opened this email, I learned that my credit score had dipped by exactly one point. Capital One even included a graphic:
They did not, however, include my actual score within the email. That might have been mildly helpful, though I’m confident that a change of one point is very much just noise.
Paul, you’re no longer enrolled in CreditWise from Capital One
After receiving the previous email, I sought a way to turn off these pointless notifications. Capital One said “If you no longer want to receive these emails, unfortunately you’ll have to unenroll from CreditWise.” OK then.
You might think this points to a method of getting fewer dumb emails, by having fewer accounts overall. Alas, even that strategy seems imperfect. Back in February, I cancelled my Alliant credit card and closed my account entirely. Nevertheless, as I was writing this post, I received an email from them. The subject line? “Your July Alliant credit card statement is now available online”
3:42.66 ∞
Gosh, that’s fast.
Tuesday, July 21st, 2026
Back in March, Scottish runner Josh Kerr announced his intention to break the world record in the one mile, which had stood for more than a quarter-century. That record was set way back in 1999, in an entirely different millennium. It belonged to Hicham El Guerrouj, who ran an incredible 3:43.13.
On Saturday, Kerr made good on his promise. Donning a bespoke speed suit and custom running spikes, he ran a mile faster than anyone in history. Roger Bannister would be proud.
What Luck ∞
Only time will tell.
Monday, July 20th, 2026
Potential good news, everyone! It appears possible that when the sun exhausts its hydrogen fuel and expands into a red giant in about 5 billion years, Earth might not be swallowed up.
Using updated models of how aging stars interact with their planets, researchers found that the gravitational forces drawing Earth toward the expanding sun are weaker than older models predicted. That would give the planet more time to drift outward as the dying sun sheds its outer layers into space, potentially avoiding engulfment altogether.
There’s a lot of unknowns and uncertainty in the calculations, but, ya know, fingers crossed.
A Tiny Baby in a Plastic Bath Full of Water ∞
The photographer sweated some blood about it.
Friday, July 17th, 2026
This Sunday, soccer’s World Cup will end with world #1 Argentina facing off against #2 Spain. The day prior, #3 France will play #4 England in the third-place contest. Given how things wound up, it really seems like we could have skipped the 102 matches that preceded all this, but here we are.
In that championship final, Argentina’s veteran superstar Lionel Messi will line up across from Spain’s up-and-coming 19-year-old Lamine Yamal. It will be the second meeting for the two. Back in 2007, Messi first met a six-month-old Yamal as part of a charity photoshoot. Have a look, because it is something:
[Photo via @meninblazers]
Every single thing about this is weird. The coincidence is fairly astounding, to be sure. But also, why was a 20-year-old Messi bathing a strange baby? Why did the mother wind up in the photos, but not the father? Whose idea was this?
This Athletic article attempts to explain how this happened. It does not explain it to the extent that it ought to, but I’m not sure anything can.
The IKEA Marathon ∞
Do lingonberries make good race fuel?
Thursday, July 16th, 2026
If running an entire marathon in an IKEA sounds like a good time to you, I regret to inform you that this weird event in Croyden, England has already filled its 80 open slots.
For those who managed to get in to the December race, there will be no spectators, and the finisher medals will require assembly, but at least the aid station may have Swedish meatballs.
Year-Round Bad Berries ∞
What’s the point of great availability of a lousy product?
Wednesday, July 15th, 2026
Once upon a time, fruits were seasonal. In 2026 America, however, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, and blueberries are permanently available at grocery stores. That’s thanks in no small part to Driscoll’s, by far the biggest name in berries.
In 1989, its board made what the company calls the Meadowood Declaration, a resolution that seemed preposterous at the time: to make all four berries available, in every season, in every part of the world.
A few decades later, they’ve largely succeeded. But at what cost?
Driscoll’s global raspberry business was built on a cultivar it patented in 2004: the Maravilla, a berry that was red enough, sweet enough and shelf-stable enough to be grown and shipped globally…The drawback of the Maravilla, Mr. Rak said carefully, is that it doesn’t taste all that good.
Sure, they’re not very good, but at least you can always get ’em!
Personally, I’d much rather get some delicious farm stand berries, in season.
Annoying via Allogrooming ∞
I'm shocked, shocked to find that cats are being jerks.
Tuesday, July 14th, 2026
A new study posits that sometimes cats groom each other specifically to be annoying.
Ciao to a Craven Politician ∞
Lindsey Graham was a JAG officer. Yup, a real jag-off.
Monday, July 13th, 2026
Clarence Darrow (not Mark Twain) said “I have never killed anyone, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.”
Anyhow, Lindsey Graham died on Saturday. Here are a couple of his best quotes.
On Donald Trump in 2015:
“If we nominate Trump, we will get destroyed…….and we will deserve it.”
On the January 6, 2021 attack on the US Capitol:
“Trump and I, we’ve had a hell of a journey. I hate it to end this way. Oh my God, I hate it.…All I can say is count me out. Enough is enough.”
“Enough is enough” indeed.
