Looming Eyes Would Freak Me Out Too 

Wednesday, October 17th, 2018

Using googly eyes to increase safety? Well, fine, that’s good too.

I’d Love to Read the Internal Bug Report for This One 

Tuesday, October 16th, 2018

Good news, everyone! In the latest iOS 12.1 betas, Apple has updated the bagel emoji. Last week’s version was monstrously bad. It has now been upgraded to merely “very bad”.

It Does Indeed Look Funny 

Monday, October 15th, 2018

Down in Georgia, a prankster after my own heart googly eyed a statue of Nathanael Greene.


[Photo credit: City of Savannah Government]

Savannah officials weren’t laughing, but pretty much everyone else is.

Californians Don’t Know From Bagels 

Friday, October 12th, 2018

Yesterday’s post featured a quality real-world baked reproduction of a logo. Today, we have a terrible digital representation of a baked good. Shield the eyes of your children from the worst image I’ve posted since Gritty.

Apple's awful bagel emoji

Grubstreet has dissected this image, and they’re correct that it looks like a lousy machine-cut monstrosity. But like a duck/rabbit optical illusion, when I look at this, I can also see one whole bagel on top of half of a much larger bagel. No matter what, it’s all awful.

Good Logo, Good Pretzel 

Thursday, October 11th, 2018

The classic Milwaukee Brewers logo, seen on the left below, is a great one. Looking at it, you can see a baseball inside a glove. However, you may also notice that that glove is created from two stylized letter shapes, “m” and “b”. It’s a terrific execution, it’s a shame that the team traded it in for their current barley-based logo.

Plenty of fans still love the old logo, however, and one local bakery has turned it into a fantastic pretzel. Nicely done!


[Right photo courtesy of @mkepretzel]

A Pip of a Ninth Inning 

Wednesday, October 10th, 2018

Grant Brisbee does some fantastic baseball writing over at SBNation. Previously, his column was inside-jokily-named “Grant Land”. Now, it has the equally insider-and-stupid-but-amusing name of “This Week in Dumb, Beautiful Baseball”. Brisbee does an admirable job of exploring why fans love the game, while also pointing out its many absurdities.

Today, he examined last night’s game pitting my hometown Red Sox against the New York Yankees. Brisbee’s summary of the Yankees’ near-comeback is the closest thing to being there I’ve yet read. An excerpt:

[crowd noise intensifies]

Now the tying run is on first and the winning run is at the plate.

[crowd noise is mostly barfing at this point, just extremely violent retching]

The first pitch from Kimbrel hits Neil Walker. Now the tying run is on second and the winning run is on first.

[there is no crowd noise. there is only the rending of garments and gnashing of teeth]

I was in the Bronx last night, and that bottom of the ninth is easily the most nervous I’ve ever been at a ballgame. Side note, did you know that Yankee Stadium tends to attract a lot of Yankees fans, and they get extremely loud when their team starts coming back?

It was 14 minutes of perfect, hilarious, dumb baseball, unless you cared about the Yankees or Red Sox, in which case it was the worst 14 minutes of your life.

That’s just about right. But when it was over, man did it feel good.


Victory, Relief
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]

They Had Color in the 1940s? 

Tuesday, October 9th, 2018

We usually see nothing but black and white photos from the ’50s and earlier. Over at The Atlantic, however, you can find a stunning collection of color photographs from the rail yards of Chicago taken in 1942 and 1943. While the images don’t quite look modern, they certainly make things feel a lot more recent.


At the time, Pabst was just popular, not “ironically popular”

Facebook Wants to Put a Camera in Your House 

Monday, October 8th, 2018

Oh. No.

Go Register to Vote 

Friday, October 5th, 2018

If you’re not yet registered to vote in America’s mid-term elections, there’s still time. This helpful post breaks down what you need to do in all 50 states.

Every election is important, but this one is even more critical than most. I urge you to get registered, then get to the polls on November 6th. Vote like the fate of the country depends on it, because it just might.

MLB Players Who Can Best Make Emoji Jerseys for the 2019 Players Weekend

Thursday, October 4th, 2018

When I wrote about Brad Boxberger’s excellent emoji jersey, I also contemplated a some simple options for Mike Trout ( 🐟) and Chris Sale (⛵). Since that post, I’ve conducted an in-depth review of all the MLB rosters. I’m now pleased to present my favorite emoji representations in baseball. For those that remember Emojli, this post might alternately be called “The Best Emojli Usernames for MLB Players, if Emojli Still Existed”.

The 17 Best Possible Emoji Jerseys for the 2019 Players Weekend, in No Particular Order

  • 🛡️🛡️ James Shields: Getting to use two of the same emoji really makes this one for me.

  • 🎰 Mookie Betts: I’m actually rather shocked at how few gambling-related emoji there currently are.

  • 🏰 Diego Castillo: You see, “castillo” is Spanish for “castle”

  • ❓ ❔ ❓ JT Riddle: Fans of the campier versions of Batman will surely appreciate this one.

  • 3️⃣ Trea Turner: Ridiculously, Trea (pronounced “Tre”) wears #7 for the Nationals, so this would result in a hilariously confusing jersey.

  • ➡️🐂 Spencer Turnbull: Maybe this one is too obtuse, but think of the satisfaction folks will have once they work it out.

  • 🆕🍓 Jake Newberry: There’s a “New Button” emoji, and by god, we’re gonna use it.

  • 💥👨 Glenn Sparkman: I think the “Collision” emoji can read as a spark.

  • 🤢👨 Robbie Grossman: Meanwhile, the “Nauseated Face” definitely works for “gross”.

  • ⬛🔥 Clayton Blackburn or Paul Blackburn: I’m not sure why there’s a “Black Large Square” emoji, but several players can make good use of it, including these two.

  • 🏹 Chris Archer: This one is a bit fanciful, but I think it works.

  • 🕸️ Tyler Webb: Meanwhile, this one is very literal.

  • 🍸 Nick Martini: It would be impossible to improve upon this one.

  • 💪 Shawn Armstrong: Look at that biceps! It’s very strong! Also, it’s fun to refer (correctly) to the singular as a biceps!

  • 👨🚢 Jeff Manship: These are literally the “Man” and the “Ship” emojis, making this compound very on the nose.

  • 👃 Rougned Odor: Speaking of being on the nose. I know his name is pronounced “Oh-door”, but with a name like that, he really ought to have a sense of humor.

  • 😉 Dan Winkler: Finally, this one isn’t perfect, but the wink itself acknowledges that.

In addition to the above, there are dozens of simple and straightforward options for players with common nouns in their names, like Aaron Judge (👨‍⚖️), Josh Bell (🔔), or Greg Bird (🐦). With so many possibilities, I certainly hope we’ll see more emoji on the backs of jerseys next year.