Back in June, friend-of-the-site Chris D. linked me to a “Dear Abby” column wherein a 13-year-old letter writer wanted to share his “really cool love rap” with a fellow teen who hadn’t seen since in three years. He feared that the girl might now think she’s too good for him, because she’d had some success in Hollywood. I invite you to read the whole conversation, but the meat of Abby’s response is as follows:
Approach her by letting her know you think she’s doing a great job on those shows and commercials. Then tell her you wrote something just for her and share it with her. It’s a huge compliment and she should be appreciative. However, if she indicates that she thinks she’s “too good for you now,” it is very important you remember that because someone feels that way DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE. (There’s a showbiz adage that’s as true today as it was when it was coined: “Be nice to people you meet on your way up. You’ll meet them on your way down.”)
Chris and I both agreed that this advice is, to put it charitably, very bad. It’s unclear from the initial letter how CRUSHING IN SAN DIEGO is even expecting to get in contact with the star in the making, but if he manages it, he should very much not share his love rap as an initial overture. Or even mention it. This girl hasn’t seen the boy in almost a quarter of her life, yet Abby’s pretty much suggesting that he toss a compliment her way and then launch into his love rap. No.
As was the style at the time, we asked ChatGPT for an answer to the same letter. Here’s the reply it gave:
First of all, it’s great that you’re reaching out for advice. Crushes can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, but remember that at your age, it’s important to focus on building friendships and getting to know people better. Here are a few suggestions on how to approach the situation with the eighth-grade girl you have a crush on:
Be confident: Confidence is attractive, and it’s important to believe in yourself. Even if she’s appeared on TV shows and commercials, remember that she’s just a person like you. Don’t assume she thinks she’s too good for you based on her achievements.
Start with a friendly approach: Since it has been a few years since you last saw her, it’s a good idea to approach her in a friendly manner. You could try striking up a conversation about a shared interest or a topic you both enjoy. This can help you reconnect and find common ground.
Take it slow: Rushing into a romantic gesture like sharing your love rap might not be the best approach at this stage. It’s better to get to know her again as a friend first. Building a solid foundation of friendship will give you a chance to understand each other better and determine if there’s a mutual connection.
Be yourself: It’s important to be genuine and true to yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not or pretend to have interests you don’t actually have. Authenticity is key in any relationship, and being yourself will allow her to get to know the real you.
Share your talents gradually: While it’s great that you’ve written a love rap for her, it might be better to hold off on sharing it right away. Instead, focus on getting to know her better and finding opportunities to showcase your talents naturally. For example, if there’s a talent show or an event where you can perform, that could be a good chance to share your rap.
Remember, at your age, relationships are about learning and growing together. It’s essential to respect her feelings and boundaries, and to prioritize open communication. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or on her. Enjoy the process of getting to know each other again and see where it leads. Good luck!
This answer is really good! It includes solid advice to have confidence but to take things slow, and it’s age-appropriate as well. That said, it’s also somewhat long. Because “Dear Abby” is printed in dead tree newspapers, there may have been space-saving considerations in her reply. So, let’s even the playing field. Here’s a summarized version of ChatGPT’s advice, also as provided by ChatGPT:
Approach your crush with confidence, acknowledging her achievements but remembering she’s just a person. Start by reconnecting as friends, initiating conversations about shared interests. Take it slow and prioritize building a friendship before expressing romantic feelings. Be genuine, showcasing your true self, and gradually share your talents in natural settings. Focus on learning and growing together, respecting her boundaries, and enjoying the process without putting excessive pressure on yourself or her. Good luck!
I have only one complaint, that this version is less explicit in noting that sharing a love rap is a bad first move. Otherwise, it’s head and shoulders above what Abby offered.
Given all that, I was not in the least surprised to read that new research published in “Frontiers in Psychology” concludes that ChatGPT gives better advice than professional columnists.