First You Get the Skittles, Then You Get the Power, Then You Get the Women 

Thursday, January 19th, 2017

If you’ve ever wondered what Mars, Inc. does with misshapen Skittles that aren’t good enough to sell to humans, a story of a spill in Wisconsin has the answer.

Sheriff’s officials said it has been reported that the Skittles were intended to be feed for cattle, as they did not make the cut for packaging at the company.

You learn something new, and truly useless, every day.

Regret Is a Start 

Wednesday, January 18th, 2017

Earlier this week, I was incredibly frustrated by an article in the New York Times, wherein a dozen women explained why they voted for Donald Trump. I think it’s essential to understand people who voted for Donald Trump, rather than just tarring them all with insults like “ignorant” or “racist”. This article provided a good look into some of the reasons behind these Trump vote. However, it also revealed stunning ignorance and lack of critical thinking. Frankly, it made me want to scream.

Still, there’s at least some cause for hope. Sherri Underwood voted for Trump, but she already regrets it. While it would be easy to criticize this woman, it would ultimately serve little purpose. Underwood and others like her should instead be supported and encouraged to speak up and speak out. The majority of voters in America opposed Trump, and the more folks who join the fight against Trump and his self-serving agenda, the better.

The Time Is Always Right to Watch Some TV 

Tuesday, January 17th, 2017

USA Today really honored the legacy of Martin Luther King with this article.

The Life-Changing Magic of Decluttering in a Post-Apocalyptic World 

Monday, January 16th, 2017

Artist Tom Gauld found a way to derive a small smile out of our possible apocalypse.

Turnabout Is Fair Play 

Friday, January 13th, 2017

In 2009, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell believed it was imperative that nominees for federal positions be properly vetted. He was right. In 2017, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell seems to think this is a waste of time. McConnell’s hypocrisy is vile, and Senator Chuck Schumer had the perfect response.

McConnell's Letter, Slightly Amended

Blank Papers and Audience Plants 

Thursday, January 12th, 2017

It is nearly certain that Donald Trump has immense conflicts of interest between his personal finances and his duties as president. Without full disclosure of his taxes and holdings, and without his assets being placed in a true blind trust, we can have no faith that Trump will be acting in the best interests of the American people. Indeed, his refusal to properly reveal his holdings and to divest himself from them lends itself to deep mistrust in all of his actions. This is no way to govern, nor to be governed.

The most galling thing about Trump’s claims that he’s removing conflicts of interest is not that this is obvious nonsense, but that he’s so abysmally bad at hiding the fact that it’s nonsense.

Ridiculous Products: Kérastase Hair Coach

Wednesday, January 11th, 2017

The Consumer Electronics Show (also known as CES) just finished up last week, and as always, it was full of a plethora of technology you almost certainly don’t need. While it can be fun to see what’s coming in the future, it’s perhaps more enjoyable to laugh at the bizarre future some companies envision. To that end, allow me to present the Kérastase Hair Coach.

If you’ve ever thought “This hair brush just isn’t smart enough”, while also thinking “I’d be willing to spend almost two hundred dollars on a hairbrush”, then the Hair Coach is for you. Of course, it’s likely that this site is not for you, so you may wish to stop reading now.

The Hair Coach is much like Zoolander, in that it’s not an ambi-turner. Also, it’s stupid.

The CEO of Withings, the company behind the Hair Coach, was quoted as saying “The last thing we want to do is turn a simple device into a complex device”. So naturally, his company added wi-fi and Bluetooth to a hairbrush. But they didn’t stop there. The brush also includes (taken directly from their press release):

  • A microphone that listens to the sound of hair brushing to identify patterns, providing insights into manageability, frizziness, dryness, split ends and breakage.

  • 3-axis load cells that measure the force applied to the hair and the scalp when brushing.

  • An accelerometer and a gyroscope which help further analyze brushing patterns and count brush strokes, with haptic feedback signaling if brushing is too vigorous.

  • Conductivity sensors to determine if the brush is being used on dry or wet hair, in order to provide an accurate hair measurement.

If you’ve ever felt like you weren’t brushing up to your full potential, the solution is here. If you were perfectly at peace with your hair brushing, and your life in general, I’m sorry to tell you those days are over. You’re bad at brushing, and you should feel bad about your brushing. Only the Hair Coach can save you now.

I recognize that I am far from the target market for this device. I won’t even venture a prediction that this product will be unsuccessful. I will however state, without equivocation, that this is a ridiculous product which should not exist.

There’s a Good Way to Blow $50,000 

Tuesday, January 10th, 2017

The Kenai Peninsula Borough Assembly in Alaska opens their meetings with a religious invocation. Last year, after a woman read a satanic invocation, the Assembly decided to implement rules dictating who would be allowed to give an invocation. Their rules state that the person must “represent a religious association approved by the Assembly that fits its guidelines”. For those with even a passing familiarity with the First Amendment, it should be obvious that attempting to defend this in court will be an enormous waste of taxpayer’s money.

The Pole Dancers Aren’t the Weirdest Part 

Monday, January 9th, 2017

A headline like “Taiwan Politician’s Funeral Features 50 Pole Dancers” is really something, but the explanation the deceased’s brother gave for why they did this is even more impressive.

U.S. Navy Dolphins Acting For a Porpoise 

Friday, January 6th, 2017

Look, I’m sorry about this post’s title, I really am. Hopefully, a story about Navy-trained dolphins being used in an effort to save a related species from extinction makes up for it.