Fear of a Blueberry Planet 

Friday, August 3rd, 2018

Once someone asks “What if the entire Earth were instantaneously replaced with an equal volume of closely packed, but uncompressed blueberries?”, you kind of really want to know the answer, don’t you?

True Confessions of an FDA Commissioner 

Thursday, August 2nd, 2018

You might currently have some soy, almond, or coconut milk in your fridge, but if the dairy industry and the FDA get their way, that may not be the case in the future. The beverages will still exist, but they may have to use a different name than “milk”.

“If you look at our standard of identity—there is a reference somewhere in the standard of identity to a lactating animal,” [FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb] said. “And, you know, an almond doesn’t lactate, I will confess.”

I always wondered where the nipples were on an almond. Now I finally know the truth.

Siri Finally Understands “Gazpacho”

Wednesday, August 1st, 2018

Over six years ago, I wrote about the iPhone’s hilarious inability to replicate Apple’s commercial touting Siri’s functionality. Ever since, I’ve occasionally tested against the Samuel L. Jackson-inspired phrase, “Remind me to put the gazpacho on ice in an hour”. As far as I can recall, it’s never worked.

That all changed yesterday, when I ran the test again:


The Abortions We Don’t Talk About, Talked About 

Tuesday, July 31st, 2018

Recently, six staffers at Slate bravely chose to discuss their own abortions. It’s an invaluable look at an uncomfortable topic.

An Idiotic Idea Doesn’t Deserve Branding This Good 

Monday, July 30th, 2018

When Bloomberg Businessweek asked eight leading designers to brand President Trump’s preposterous “Space Force”, they can’t possibly have imagined getting anything this deliciously good:

If Milton Glaser doesn’t start selling t-shirts, he’s really leaving money on the table.

While Glaser’s logo is the hands-down best, the efforts from David Reinfurt and Other Means are also exceptional, and all eight logos are great in their own way. Be sure to read each designer’s brief explanation of their logo as well.

Shower More — or at Least Use Some Deodorant 

Friday, July 27th, 2018

Europe may be getting hit with a heat wave this summer, but if you want some free deodorant and don’t mind how gross things need to be for you to get it, you’re in luck.

Following the Money, via Satellite 

Thursday, July 26th, 2018

The production of the illegal ozone-destroying chemical CFC-11 has been banned for many years. Atmospheric scientists recently noticed a rise in the gas, attributable only to rogue production, and now the culprit has been tracked down.

Unauthorized Death 

Wednesday, July 25th, 2018

Unfortunately for her now-widowed husband, Lindsay Durdle passed away without prior authorization from PayPal.

Ghost Flights 

Tuesday, July 24th, 2018

Why would an airline fly empty flights between nearby airports? Money, of course.

Pizza Weasel 

Monday, July 23rd, 2018

Papa John’s founder John Schnatter recently attempted to drag Colonel Sanders under the bus with himself. Now, the Colonel’s descendants are outraged. I hope they challenge him to a duel.