Oh No, Granny’s Gone Back to Her Old Ways

Monday, June 12th, 2017

Despite having two different fairly sophisticated mail filtering systems, spam occasionally still slips into my inbox. I generally delete these emails, but every so often, one of them catches my eye. So it was with this email:

Subject: Incriminating photos of my grandma taking it off

Oh. Huh. Well, I’d never really thought about it before, but I guess that by and large I don’t want to see anyone’s grandmother naked. It was pretty easy to ignore this email. However, it got me thinking about the shock tactics used in spam. I quickly realized that with one edit, the click rate on this email would likely go way up.

Subject: Incriminating photos of your grandma taking it off

To be sure, I don’t imagine many people will want to see that either. However, if you’re thinking “Oh god, no! Not my nana!”, it seems more likely that you’ll click into the email and get sucked into buying whatever garbage they’re shilling.

This Week in Trump: June 9th, 2017 Edition

Friday, June 9th, 2017

I hope that “This Week in Trump” doesn’t actually need to be a weekly thing. However, just seven days after the inaugural TWITpost, there’s already more than enough content for another edition. Here’s your summary of the incoherent, incompetent, and just plain embarrassing things Donald Trump and his team have done since last Friday.

June 4th: After the horrific attack in London, Mayor Sadiq Khan explained that citizens in his city would see an increased police presence, telling them that there was no reason to be alarmed about this. In the middle of the crisis, Donald Trump took this single line out of context and used it to unfairly criticize the mayor. (Link)

June 5th: Donald Trump also crassly used the terrorist attack in London in an attempt at explaining why the US should implement the despicable travel ban(s) he’s tried to put into place. Legal experts believe this action may well undermine the case attempting to defend the bans. (Link)

June 5th: Donald Trump blamed Democrats for holding up his appointments to key positions in the federal government, despite having submitted no nominee for a whopping 79 percent of open positions. (Link)

June 6th: The White House had great difficulty finding a law firm to represent Donald Trump in the Russia probe, with the consensus being that “the guy won’t pay and he won’t listen”. (Link)

June 8th: Following his failure to retain the services of a qualified legal team, Donald Trump instead relied upon his longtime attorney Marc. Kasowitz. In the first sentence of a statement responding to former FBI Director James Comey’s Senate testimony, Kasowitz misspelled the word “President”. (Link)

A headline like “First Sentence of Trump Lawyer’s Response to Comey Misspells the Word President” is really perfect fodder for “Real or Fake”. Unfortunately, this is all real, and all depressing. On the bright side for the writers over at the Onion, if they want to take an issue off, they can just reprint the real news word for word.

An Embarrassment to Modernity, Decency, and Common Sense 

Thursday, June 8th, 2017

After receiving an email from an individual outraged about an all-female screening of the new “Wonder Woman” film, Austin city mayor Steve Adler had a delightfully cutting response.

Putting Profits First 

Wednesday, June 7th, 2017

The slogan of pharmaceuticals company Mylan is “Seeing is Believing”. If you check the prices of their life-saving EpiPens, you might see that they’ve skyrocketed recently. You might also believe that this sort of gouging is immoral, and even wrong. Mylan’s chairman, Robert Coury, is apparently not bothered.

Mr. Coury replied that he was untroubled. He raised both his middle fingers and explained, using colorful language, that anyone criticizing Mylan, including its employees, ought to go copulate with themselves. Critics in Congress and on Wall Street, he said, should do the same. And regulators at the Food and Drug Administration? They, too, deserved a round of anatomically challenging self-fulfillment.

That exactly the sort of class I’d expect from these people.

They Didn’t Ask to Be Born, Dads! 

Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

Following up on yesterday’s disturbing story, this story out of the Netherlands also has quite the attention-grabbing headline.

Dutch Children Might Sue Sperm-Donor Father Simply for Causing Them to Exist in This Wretched Universe

That seems fair to me.

“Just Don’t Do It” 

Monday, June 5th, 2017

A headline like “Doctors warn women against putting wasp nests in their vaginas” mostly leaves me wondering if there are actually women who need to be told this.

This Week in Trump: June 2nd, 2017 Edition

Friday, June 2nd, 2017

The presidency of Donald Trump is simply exhausting. Though FBI Director James Comey was fired under four weeks ago, it feels more like four months. The inauguration could have been a year ago, and the election easily another year before that. Alas, however, we’re barely 9% of the way through this interminable presidential term.

It’s utterly impossible to avoid politics these days, and that’s terribly wearying. When so much of the news is devoted to what Trump has done, it also affects the writing here on One Foot Tsunami, as it seems more difficult to find offbeat stories worth riffing on. Rather than constantly linking to the latest disastrous Trump news, I’m going to try a summary post containing a few links to the worst of the worst from the past week. These posts will be titled “This Week in Trump”, which aptly acronyms to TWIT. Let’s start with a few of the indefensible things Donald Trump did this past week:

May 29th: After three days, Trump finally condemned an anti-Muslim attack in Portland, Oregon. This horrific incident featured three heroes who stopped the attack, two of them losing their lives in the process. The names of Ricky John Best, Taliesin Myrddin Namkai-Meche Micah David-Cole Fletcher should be heard by all. (Link)

May 30th: It was reported that Donald Trump has given out his personal cell phone number to several world leaders. This insecure phone is certain to be the target of espionage attempts. (Link)

June 1st: The White House released a statement that America would keep its embassy in Tel Aviv. While this breaks a campaign promise to move the embassy to Jerusalem, it should be a positive move because it would keep Arabs engaged in peace negotiations. However, the statement includes this text “But, as [Trump] has repeatedly stated his intention to move the embassy, the question is not if that move happens, but only when”, which seem certain to scuttle any useful peace talks. (Link)

June 1st: Trump announced that he will withdraw the United States from the Paris climate accord, which essentially ever other country in the world has signed on to. The two outliers are Syria, which lacked a functioning government to participate, and Nicaragua, who feel the agreement didn’t go far enough. The move is met with near universal displeasure from business leaders (and indeed the world), including oil giants ExxonMobil and ConocoPhillips. It caused tremendous backlash, leading presidential advisors Elon Musk and Bob Iger to quite their positions in protest. (Link)

That last one is a real doozy, and it’s all I can take for this week. Stay tuned for further TWIT posts though, because one thing we can be certain of is that there will be no shortage of material.

Ya Know What, Maybe Don’t Bring Your Kiddies 

Thursday, June 1st, 2017

The New York Mets have been forced to apologize to the public at large after their mascot Mr. Met flipped an obscene gesture at fans Wednesday night.

It Is Hard to Look Right at Him 

Tuesday, May 30th, 2017

🎵 Hey, he’s the President,
And this is crazy.
But here’s his number,
So call him maybe.🎵

The Healthiest Individual Ever Elected to the Presidency 

Monday, May 29th, 2017

Last week, G7 leaders from Britain, Canada, France, Germany, Italy and Japan all managed to walk 700 yards to take a group photo. Only one person couldn’t make the walk, instead waiting for a golf cart. Guess who.

Previously in lazy, overweight politicians: The Town Car Is Worse