Facebook Wants to Put a Camera in Your House 

Monday, October 8th, 2018

Oh. No.

Go Register to Vote 

Friday, October 5th, 2018

If you’re not yet registered to vote in America’s mid-term elections, there’s still time. This helpful post breaks down what you need to do in all 50 states.

Every election is important, but this one is even more critical than most. I urge you to get registered, then get to the polls on November 6th. Vote like the fate of the country depends on it, because it just might.

MLB Players Who Can Best Make Emoji Jerseys for the 2019 Players Weekend

Thursday, October 4th, 2018

When I wrote about Brad Boxberger’s excellent emoji jersey, I also contemplated a some simple options for Mike Trout ( 🐟) and Chris Sale (⛵). Since that post, I’ve conducted an in-depth review of all the MLB rosters. I’m now pleased to present my favorite emoji representations in baseball. For those that remember Emojli, this post might alternately be called “The Best Emojli Usernames for MLB Players, if Emojli Still Existed”.

The 17 Best Possible Emoji Jerseys for the 2019 Players Weekend, in No Particular Order

  • 🛡️🛡️ James Shields: Getting to use two of the same emoji really makes this one for me.

  • 🎰 Mookie Betts: I’m actually rather shocked at how few gambling-related emoji there currently are.

  • 🏰 Diego Castillo: You see, “castillo” is Spanish for “castle”

  • ❓ ❔ ❓ JT Riddle: Fans of the campier versions of Batman will surely appreciate this one.

  • 3️⃣ Trea Turner: Ridiculously, Trea (pronounced “Tre”) wears #7 for the Nationals, so this would result in a hilariously confusing jersey.

  • ➡️🐂 Spencer Turnbull: Maybe this one is too obtuse, but think of the satisfaction folks will have once they work it out.

  • 🆕🍓 Jake Newberry: There’s a “New Button” emoji, and by god, we’re gonna use it.

  • 💥👨 Glenn Sparkman: I think the “Collision” emoji can read as a spark.

  • 🤢👨 Robbie Grossman: Meanwhile, the “Nauseated Face” definitely works for “gross”.

  • ⬛🔥 Clayton Blackburn or Paul Blackburn: I’m not sure why there’s a “Black Large Square” emoji, but several players can make good use of it, including these two.

  • 🏹 Chris Archer: This one is a bit fanciful, but I think it works.

  • 🕸️ Tyler Webb: Meanwhile, this one is very literal.

  • 🍸 Nick Martini: It would be impossible to improve upon this one.

  • 💪 Shawn Armstrong: Look at that biceps! It’s very strong! Also, it’s fun to refer (correctly) to the singular as a biceps!

  • 👨🚢 Jeff Manship: These are literally the “Man” and the “Ship” emojis, making this compound very on the nose.

  • 👃 Rougned Odor: Speaking of being on the nose. I know his name is pronounced “Oh-door”, but with a name like that, he really ought to have a sense of humor.

  • 😉 Dan Winkler: Finally, this one isn’t perfect, but the wink itself acknowledges that.

In addition to the above, there are dozens of simple and straightforward options for players with common nouns in their names, like Aaron Judge (👨‍⚖️), Josh Bell (🔔), or Greg Bird (🐦). With so many possibilities, I certainly hope we’ll see more emoji on the backs of jerseys next year.

$12.50 Per Gun Is Not a Lot 

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2018

Last weekend, some 400 guns were stolen from a UPS facility in Memphis. That seems quite troublesome, but fear not. The Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives is offering a reward of up to $5,000 for information that leads to an arrest and conviction of those responsible.

That’s a Rough Day at the Office 

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2018

“FBI agent dodges deadly hot tub before being shot by booby trapped empty wheelchair at property littered with ambushes” is a hell of a headline. Fortunately, the agent’s injury wasn’t life-threatening, but perpetrator Gregory Rodvelt is still likely headed for a long stint in prison.

The Vegetable Peeler That Changed the World 

Monday, October 1st, 2018

OXO has been making great kitchen tools for almost 30 years. Over at Fast Company, Mark Wilson shares the story of how it all started, with the iconic Swivel vegetable peeler.

The $500,000 Hit-By-Pitch 

Friday, September 28th, 2018

On Thursday night, New York Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia was two innings shy of pitching 155 innings on the season. Had he reached that mark, he’d have earned a cool half million dollars. Instead, he plunked Jesus Sucre and got ejected from the game.

Sabathia has made something like $250 million in his career, so you don’t exactly need to shed a tear for him. Still, half a million dollars is half a million dollars!

Nightmare on Ice 

Thursday, September 27th, 2018

Have you seen the Philadelphia Flyers new mascot, “Gritty”? Have you gazed into the face of hell?

Avert your eyes and be spared, mortal

Now Pitching, Brady Feigl the Younger 

Wednesday, September 26th, 2018

These two minor league baseball pitchers are quite similar in appearance:

This may not seem like such a big deal. However, both of these men are also named “Brady Feigl”. That is ridiculous.

The odds are long, but I hope to one day see these two face off in the big leagues.

If You Give an Octopus Some Molly 

Tuesday, September 25th, 2018

It seems that Methyl​enedioxy​methamphetamine (MDMA), commonly known as ecstasy, makes affects octopuses in similar ways to humans. Thanks, science!