Demonstrably False

Wednesday, June 5th, 2019

Earlier this year, I saw something referring to Memorial Day weekend as “the unofficial start of summer in America”. I was amused by this, because of course there is an official start to summer. In 2019, summer starts in the Northern Hemisphere on Friday, June 21st. Three weeks before that is of course late spring, but perhaps this can slide thanks to the word “unofficial”.

However, this is some real nonsense:

No it’s not! Your email is three weeks early! Why lie about it?

Update (June 11th, 2019): Today, thanks to a random trivia question, I learned about meteorological seasons. If this was taught in school, I have no memory of it, and it’s certainly not what society tends to talk about as “the first day of summer”. Nevertheless, June 1st is the first day of the meteorological summer. As such, I need to at least give byChloe a pass on this one.

Top-Notch Trolling 

Tuesday, June 4th, 2019

You likely saw the recent news that the White House had asked the Navy to hide an entire destroyer named for former Senator John McCain’s grandfather and father, as well as the senator himself. This was of course utterly pathetic and worthy of not, but because it was widely covered, I didn’t write about it here. However, the British have now made good use of this latest bit of wretchedness.

This is hardly a one-time thing. From the original Donald Trump baby balloon to the exterior of the Tower of London, it’s clear that the British excel at trolling or execrable 45th president.

The Milk Chocolate Emoji Bar 

Monday, June 3rd, 2019

This summer, Hershey’s will be offering emoji on their chocolate bars, so you’ll be able to have a pile of poo both before and after dessert.

A sample emoji bar
Pile of poo not pictured here, but it is one of the 25 that will be included.
[Photo credit: @Hersheys]

If you ever mistook 💩 for chocolate ice cream, well, we’re getting closer.

A-ha, What an Interesting Take on Interior Design! 

Thursday, May 30th, 2019

Somewhere in Seoul, South Korea, a cafe exists in approximately two dimensions.

[Photo credit: iceeatfood]

I have no idea on the quality of their drinks or service, but the images make it look worth a visit for aesthetics alone.

Previously in fascinating restaurants in foreign lands: The Knock-Off Culture of Jordan

Let Freedom Gas Spread! 

Wednesday, May 29th, 2019

Yesterday, the Department of Energy issued a press release which included the phrases “molecules of U.S. freedom” and “spreading freedom gas”. Slate has the story.

As one of my colleagues put it, spreading freedom gas sounds like what happens when you’re newly single and suddenly have the apartment to yourself.

Those who were paying attention in the early 2000s will surely remember “freedom fries”. Still, as ridiculous as that whole episode was, it was (to my knowledge) never part of an official government press release. Also, it didn’t lend itself to obvious fart jokes.

Previously in bizarre government press releases: Grog Build Wall. Build Wall Tall!

Some Like It Hot 

Tuesday, May 28th, 2019

In the past several decades, the percentage of women found in most any type of workplace has increased. As a result, a battle has raged over the thermostat, where men seem to prefer the AC blasting while women wish someone would turn up the damned heat. A recent experiment indicates office temperature may actually have an impact on cognitive skills and productivity.

The Unknown Person 

Monday, May 27th, 2019

This man is not Herman Emmanuel Fankem.

As far as who he actually is, well, Canada isn’t sure. As a result, this Unknown Person has been held in jail for six years, with no end in sight.

Who Exactly Is Going to Carry This Child? 

Friday, May 24th, 2019

A young man named Peter Zhu died recently, and that’s a shame. However, a court has just ruled that his parents may use Zhu’s sperm for reproductive purposes, and that may be even more tragic. Creating a child with the sperm of a dead man strikes me as misguided at best, even for a spouse. In this case, it’s truly bizarre for the man’s parent to be involved in this.

Please allow this post to serve as an official and explicit declaration that if there’s ever a chance for someone to harvest my sperm and create a child with it after I’m dead, I do not want that to happen. I also can’t believe I might actually have to spell that out beforehand.

The Knock-Off Culture of Jordan 

Thursday, May 23rd, 2019

There’s apparently at least one place on Earth where “Papa” John Schnatter hasn’t been disgraced. The Middle Eastern country of Jordan abounds with American bootlegs, including unlicensed versions of American chains like Papa John’s, which still feature Schnatter as their spokesman. There are also illegal Burger Kings (Burgers King?) and Fuddrucker’s, as well as knock-offs like “Donuts Factory”:

In America, it’s now just “Dunkin’”, so perhaps they’ll change to just “Factory”.

It would be fascinating to see a side-by-side comparison of the food from some of these places, as these unlicensed locations presumably no longer have access to the official supply chains for these franchises.

He Who Represents Himself 

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2019

It is extraordinarily rare for a defendant representing himself to have any success in court. Hassan Bennett recently beat the odds.