She Is Risen! 

We’ve clearly got some sort of a Thingette situation.

Recently, a human hand was found in the woods of Staten Island. Thought that was surely disconcerting for the dog walker who noticed it, a subsequent search turned up nothing further. Eventually, police used fingerprint analysis to determine the hand belonged to a woman who’d died in 2011 and been buried at a cemetery about a mile away.

[A]uthorities believe the hand was somehow separated from the woman’s body when the gravesite alongside hers was excavated for reburial on Feb. 27.

Police are not sure how the hand arrived in the woods from the cemetery, which is located approximately one mile from the location where the hand was discovered.

Personally, I think the answer is obvious, and it has little if anything to do with that recent excavation. After all, the burying ground in question is called “Resurrection Cemetery”.

Enjoy When It’s Time to Connect and Chill Out 

Me, I miss Five Alive.

Sure, we’ve got OJ (and champagne), purple stuff, and (Jack and) soda. But why not go for Sunny D vodka seltzer?

If the company fails to remake this ad with adults, their marketing team ought to be fired.

The Emails Bounced 

Perhaps having a PR team might be useful.

Apparently, Teslas aren’t as secure as one would hope. Recently, two drivers managed to get into and drive each other’s vehicles. That’s not great!

Also not great? The failed attempts of Rajesh Randev, the driver who first took an incorrect vehicle, to reach anyone at Tesla:

Randev also sent the video footage and a description of the apparent malfunction to Tesla’s press email that same evening. In the message, which he shared with The Post, he wrote that he did not want to “affect the reputation of the company” by posting the video on social media or telling reporters before seeking a response from Tesla.

But Randev’s emails bounced, he said. He received a reply from Tesla’s press account that said its mailbox was full. He attempted to send the message to Tesla’s China press account and received a reply that said his message had been blocked.

“It’s very frustrating,” Randev said. “… I even tweeted [at CEO] Elon Musk.”

Musk dissolved Tesla’s PR department in 2020. He remains active on Twitter.

Meet Snitchbot 

It makes “a cosmic whirring sound”.

I’m very surprised to hear (via reader Colin W.) that those brutal bot-breaking bastards in Philadelphia are apparently just fine with security robots.

God Gave You a Middle Finger So You Could Use It 


Free speech is alive and well in Canada.

The gesture is considered rude, offensive and inappropriate but one thing it is not — at least under Canadian law — is illegal.

A Canadian judge ruled last month that giving someone the finger is protected under the country’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

Artistic Penises Are Getting Bigger 

No cherubs!

I don’t know what to make of this, but I’m sure it’s important.

It seems penises are getting bigger in paintings, and this change is accelerating. That is the conclusion of a team of urologists reported recently in the BJU International journal, in their article “Depictions of penises in historical paintings reflect changing perceptions of the ideal penis size.”

Sometimes science is very amusing.

You Can’t Drink Funko Pop 

Good work, Goodkind.

Alright, this is a pretty solid quip:

Thirty million dollars worth of Funko Pop! figures – those big-headed, vinyl pop-culture dolls – will soon make their way into the hands of a new collector: The garbage collector.

The unfortunate story here is that Funko produced so much plastic crap that they now need to discard of a large portion of that plastic crap, in an effort to reduce the storage costs for their plastic crap. That’s pretty terrible.

Lacking in Swissness 

Meanwhile, Swiss Miss has approximately no Swissness.

As a result of a decision to move some production outside of Switzerland, Toblerone will be forced to change the packaging of their iconic chocolate. Because they will lack the requisite Swissness, the company will longer be allowed to include an image of the Matterhorn.

New York Magazine Doesn’t Dictate The Rules 

Some of the individual rules are good, but the entire concept is fatally flawed.

In response to New York Magazine’s colossally stupid article which has repeatedly come up in conversation, I’ve created my own new rules for etiquette:

1. Don’t make up a random hodge-podge of “new rules of etiquette” and try to pass it off as authoritative

That’s it. That’s the list.

AMLO Spots an Alux 

The photo is also multiple years old, despite his claim.

Surely this is the most embarrassing thing the leader of a North American nation has done in the last 775 days.