I recently received a fairly unnecessary email from American Airlines, detailing their new safety procedures for travelers. However, despite the fact that I have no plans to fly in the near future, this text caught my eye:
Kurt Stache, American’s Senior Vice President of Customer Experience, talks about our new requirement for wearing masks in flight…
As did this image:
It was difficult to be sure what I was seeing, given that massive play icon obstructing things, so I clicked to watch the video. Here’s a still:
Alas, my fears were confirmed. American Airlines Senior Vice President of Customer Experience Kurt Stache has no mustache.
Kurt, what are you doing with yourself? How do you not grow yourself a nose neighbor? You can’t be just out there living life looking like a nerdier Joe Buck, while you’ve got a phenomenal name like “Kurt Stache” at your disposal:
L: Joe Buck; R: Kurt Stache
No, you have to lean into that kind of name. Embrace it! Go Rollie Fingers with it:
Or Groucho Marx!1 You’ve got the eyebrows for it:
Give us something, man!
Footnotes:
Did you know Groucho Marx’s mustache was fake? I did not! I’ve never seen his films, so I’m perhaps mostly familiar with him via novelty Groucho glasses:
Now of course those are fake, but the eyebrows and mustache are quite bushy. And yet, in his vaudeville days and in most of his movies, Marx used simple lines of grease paint. Once you really look, it’s obvious:
I was so blind. Even more confusing, in his later years, Marx grew a real mustache. ↩︎
