Hurricanado

Friday, August 26th, 2011

It seems the earthquake earlier this week was merely a precursor for even crazier things. As you can see from the following map, this weekend things in the Northeastern US are getting extreme:

In the Extreme Zone
Top of the Extreme Zone!

That’s right, the threat level up in here (up in here!) is getting extremely extreme. In Boston, we’re facing multiple threats, including wind, waves, rain, and a crippling sense of self-doubt brought on by the incredibly poor progress of our as-yet-unstarted first novels.

Ok, but you might be thinking that’s really not so extreme. After all, it’s still not catastrophic, which is a whole level above “Extreme” that’s not even being used. I’ve never even heard of this rating system, but I sure hope ESPN adopts it, because I would watch the hell out of the Catastrophic Games. But back to you, and your doubts as to the extremity of this coming weekend. To you, I submit Exhibit B:

In the Extreme Zone
Exhibit B: Tornados!

That’s right, we’re not just getting a hurricane we didn’t ask for, we’re getting a hurricane with tornados! That’s like not ordering an extra-cheese pizza, and then getting an extra-cheese pizza with pepperoni! Except you’re lactose intolerant and a vegetarian for this analogy, which would make that pizza doubly bad. What?! Don’t worry about it, just read on to this post’s extreme conclusion. It takes a sharp right turn, just like we all hope Hurricane Irene will. To hell with Bermuda!

Discussing these extreme weather conditions led to a neologism to describe what may happen this Sunday (Sunday! SUNDAY!): a Hurricanado. Realizing what that was a perfect name for, One Foot Tsunami is now going in to the business of creating energy drinks. Here’s our tantalizing promotional image:

Hurricanado Can Mockup
Hurricanado: Get Blown Away!

Seen above is the exciting “Death Spiral” flavor. We’ll also have “Funnel Cake”, “Batten Down Blue”, and “Citrus Cyclone” in the initial line-up. Maybe only half of those actually have a taste associated with them, but that’s a better percentage than most energy drink lines.

It’s time to take my water bottles and bread loaves and go lash myself to the toilet for the next 72 hours to ride out the storms. But once that’s done, it’ll really be time to move on this Hurricanado thing. Investors are welcome, so get in touch!


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