This Warning Should Not Be Necessary 

Wednesday, November 9th, 2022

Visitors to America’s national parks need to stop licking the Sonoran desert toad.

More Time to Dream 

Tuesday, November 8th, 2022

This just in, you have now lost the Powerball jackpot. It took a little longer than expected. The largest lottery jackpot ever was due to be drawn last night at 11 PM Eastern, but it was delayed almost 12 hours.

All 48 participating lotteries are required to submit their sales and plays before the winning numbers can be selected, the Multi-State Lottery Association said in a statement overnight. “Powerball has stringent security requirements to protect the integrity of the game and remains committed to holding a drawing that gives all players a fair chance to win,” the association said.

So hey, players got a bit longer to dream about being instant billionaires, before their inevitable loss. That’s nice. It’s better value for the money.

Meanwhile, the excitement around this 10-figure jackpot led me to re-read this ancient OFT link from almost exactly 13 years ago. It’s still terribly amusing. If I could, I’d buy that writer a drink.

A Non-Denial Denial 

Monday, November 7th, 2022

The headline “US Air Force Says Penis-Shaped Flight Path Pointed at Russian Base Is a Coincidence” really caught my eye. That would be quite a coincidence.

However, the story is better than that. Near as I can figure, the Air Force didn’t actually say that at all. Here’s the quote from their spokesperson:

“We’re aware of the incident and are talking with the KC-135 crew to determine the details,” an Air Force spokesperson told in an email. “At this time, we do not believe the crew acted inappropriately, flying a refueling orbit consistent with requirements that met the needs of receiver aircraft.”

Nowhere in there is the word “coincidental” used, and that’s a very carefully worded statement. Let‘s have a look at that flight path:

[Image credit: @Maks_NAFO_FELLA]

Yeah, that’s a penis. Given Russia’s horrific aggressions against Ukraine in 2022, it’s also completely appropriate.

Previously in phallic flight paths: That Ridiculous Mother Can Tell Her Kids It’s a Cowboy Hat

A Completely Doodled Environment 

Friday, November 4th, 2022

Artist Sam Cox, also known as “Mr. Doodle”, had a dream:

“[M]y dream was to have a doodle house and doodle over everything within that house,” he said, adding that he funded his current home through sales of his increasingly popular doodle art.

Now, he’s done it, both inside and out. It’s really something:

[Photo credit: Mr. Doodle]

Don’t miss this video tour of the house. It’s wild.

We Don’t Deserve Dogs and Dogs Don’t Deserve This 

Thursday, November 3rd, 2022

Recently, a video showing a Chinese drone dropping off a machine gun-laden robot has been making the rounds on the internet. I am certainly dismayed to see such a dystopian nightmare being made real. We really don’t have to do this, humanity!

It seems likely we will do this, though. Still, even if we’re condemned to face this monstrosity, we can at least avoid a second mistake. Let us not sully the good name of dogs by referring to this horror show as a “robot dog”:

That thing would be no one’s best friend at all.

A Juicy Purple Tomato 

Wednesday, November 2nd, 2022

The world is already so damned weird, why shouldn’t tomatoes be purple?

A fairly bright purple tomato

I have to admit, it looks neat. I’d try it.

Unxpevted Awfulness

Tuesday, November 1st, 2022

Though Halloween has passed, today still feels like a good time to post something scary. It comes courtesy of friend-of-the-site Colin T, who encountered the picture that follows in his hotel room at a Marriott. In Colin’s own words:

  • I don’t say this lightly, but I’d like someone at Marriott to be fired over this. Or at least have a formal reprimand placed in their HR file. This makes me want to never stay at another Marriott for fear they’ll come up with something worse.

With all that as preface, let’s have a look!

This was the “art” found in Colin’s room at the Auburn, Alabama Marriott TownePlace (sic) Suites, and “art” is an extremely generous word. Who would do this? Why would they do this? Just…well, what in the unholy name of wretched word clouds is that?!

It took me several minutes of staring at it to find the basic idea of it, which seems to be the phrase “Life is to be lived”. Alright…fine. But even if we accept that as a reasonable message for hotel art (and we really shouldn’t), what’s going on with the rest of it?

You can find three other full words, “it”, “terrific”, and “everything”. But beyond that, there’s an assortment of partial words, some of which I’ve made guesses at below:

  • fantastic

  • intrinsic

  • -astic

  • mag-

  • excessive

  • expressive

  • expevted (?!)

  • neglecting

  • explorative

  • everywhere

Most of those are positive words, but “excessive” and “neglecting” certainly aren’t, and “expevted” isn’t a word at all.

In addition to the poor content, the execution is also bad. Zooming in shows how sharp the letters in “life” are. Compare that against the falling “it” up top:

Those are compression artifacts on the “i” and the “t”, and they’re on the original poster itself, not caused by the photograph. You can spot plenty more on the letter jumble at the bottom:

If this is art at all, it’s bad art, poorly done. The worst of both worlds!

Finally, let us not overlook the location of this piece. As you can perhaps tell from the reflection, yes, this pile of crap is in the bathroom. In fact, it’s directly across from the location where it actually belongs, the toilet. As a result, hotel guests are forced to contemplate it while using the facilities. That’s just no way to start your day.

They Didn’t Know How Big It Would Be 

Monday, October 31st, 2022

Back in 2020, I noted the arrival of Home Depot’s 12-foot-tall skeletons. Their popularity has only grown since then, and I have indeed managed to see one in person. It was exactly as great and ridiculous as I thought it would be. Now, Vice has an excellent oral history of how Skelly came to be.

Quite A Dingusy Translation

Friday, October 28th, 2022

It’s apparently bad translation week here at One Foot Tsunami. Today’s edition starts with a rather garish Bentley convertible I recently saw here in Boston. The vehicle initially caught my eye because it was such a bright green, but I felt compelled to pull my phone out and take a picture because of the goofy vanity plate. I later posted that image to my Instagram account:

A photo captioned “Dingus”.[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]

“Dingus” is an informal English word that can be used to refer to an article whose name isn’t known or remembered, along the lines of “thing-a-ma-jig” or “doodad”. It’s also a pretty good insult, which Merriam-Webster defines as “a dim-witted, silly, or foolish person —often used in a joking or friendly way”. As such, it’s an amusing thing for someone to pay to have as their license plate.

My best guess is that this person wants to call other people on the road dinguses, but I read it as a self-applied description. Someone driving a $200,000+ car on the potholey streets of Boston? What a dingus.

Anyhow, given that this word can be found in an English dictionary, I found it strange for this to be offered under my caption:

A translationg of “Dingus” to “Missing Dinghamma in the past.” Weird.

Yes, Instagram is offering to translate my caption. What happens when we tap to see the translation?

A translationg of “Dingus” to “Missing Dinghamma in the past.” Weird.

Huh. That’s…something. More specifically, it’s something broken. By playing around with Google Translate, I was able to determine that “dingus” is the Lithuanian word for “missing” (or at least close to it). Still, I have no idea where “Dinghamma in the past.” came from. It would appear that the machines still have some learning to do.

The Pillars of Creation, Remastered 

Thursday, October 27th, 2022

Back in July, I posted about the first images NASA showed from the new James Webb Space Telescope. I followed up with a second post showing off comparisons between the Webb and the old Hubble telescope.

Now, NASA has another new comparison image, recreating a 1995 shot called “The Pillars of Creation”. Once again, it is something to see.

[Photo credit: NASA]

I’m still amazed at just how high quality these images are.