Pick Some Up at Your Local Seafood Shop Today 

Thursday, June 2nd, 2022

Have you adopted a pescatarian diet, but find yourself missing the delectable crunch of a hearty bowlful of bees? Well now you can satisfy your apiary appetites, at least in the state of California, because bees are fish.

The Least Fulfilling Scavenger Hunt Imaginable 

Wednesday, June 1st, 2022

Sure, you could just clean up after your dog right after they poop in the yard. But why do that, when you could instead use an extremely over-engineered laser-guided poop patrol system?

Gun Control Saves Lives 

Tuesday, May 31st, 2022

For over two decades, it was incredibly difficult to conduct research on gun violence in America, as a result of the Dickey Amendment pushed by the NRA. Despite the dearth of knowledge this caused, we do know some things. The editors of Scientific American have published a powerful piece that’s well worth reading.

The science is abundantly clear: More guns do not stop crime. Guns kill more children each year than auto accidents. More children die by gunfire in a year than on-duty police officers and active military members. Guns are a public health crisis, just like COVID, and in this, we are failing our children, over and over again.

Despite the seeming intractability of the problem, there exist simple and common-sense proposals which would close obvious loopholes. These proposals enjoy widespread support among Americans, and with enough collective action, they can be passed. These changes would not be enough, but they would be a start.

Children Were Being Shot 

Monday, May 30th, 2022

Last week, 19 children and 2 adults were murdered in a school shooting at Robb Elementary School, in Uvalde, Texas. It is the latest in a seemingly never-ending series of tragedies resulting from our horrible American obsession with firearms.

In this particular case, there also appears to have been a shameful dereliction of duty on the part of law enforcement. They waited approximately an hour to engage the shooter, and it seems certain that this delay resulted in more children dying.

When questioned about this, Texas Department of Public Safety spokesman Chris Olivarez had this to say:

“At that point, if they proceeded any further not knowing where the suspect was at, they could’ve been shot, they could’ve been killed, and that gunman would have had an opportunity to kill other people inside that school,” Olivarez said.

That blue line is so thin you can’t even see it.

I’ve been hung up about this since last week, and I absolutely can’t get over it. I strongly believe that we shouldn’t have warrior cops in America. At present, however, the reality is that we do. And if we’re going to have warrior cops, they damned sure need to be ready and willing to act.

Road Closed Due to Hot Dog Filler 

Friday, May 27th, 2022

I don’t know if Waze has an option to report “spilled meat on roadway”, but if not, they should add one.

The Bastards Couldn’t Keep Him Down 

Thursday, May 26th, 2022

As Zander Moricz was preparing a speech for his high school graduation, he was instructed on things he couldn’t say. Moricz is currently the youngest plaintiff in a suit against Florida’s new law restricting what teachers can say about sexual orientation and gender, commonly known as the “Don’t Say Gay” law. He’s also openly gay himself. His principal warned him not to mention any of that, stating that his microphone would be cut off if he did.

That’s a sad reflection of life in the Sunshine State, and it’s utterly shameful. Fortunately, the 18-year-old rose above it beautifully:

“I used to hate my curls,” he said, after removing his graduation cap and running his hands through his hair.

“I spent morning and night embarrassed of them trying to straighten this part of who I am, but the daily damage of trying to fix myself became too much to endure,” he said. “So while having curly hair in Florida is difficulty due to the humidity, I decided to be proud of who I was and started coming to school as my authentic self.”

It never should’ve been necessary, but thanks to this simple and brilliant metaphor, Moricz’s speech has spread far more than it otherwise would have. Bravo, Zander. Don’t let up.

Kidnapping a JPEG 

Wednesday, May 25th, 2022

If you don’t know what NFTs and “Bored Apes” are, gosh, I don’t know, consider yourself lucky. It’s all a pretty vapid rabbit hole of cryptocurrency and mediocre-at-best artwork, and ignoring it is mostly for the best. Still, for today’s post, a brief primer is in order.

An NFT (non-fungible token) is a one-of-a-kind digital asset, which mostly has value because other people agree that it has value. That’s true of lots of things, of course, though NFTs tend to seem much dumber than most assets. You can read more about NFTs here, but I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t bother. Think of NFTs as sort of like digital baseball cards, and you won’t be too far off-base.

Bored Apes are a particular type of NFT, featuring computer-generated pictures of cartoon apes. They’re popular with celebrities, and often used as profile pictures. OK. If that sounds fairly stupid, then you understand enough.

With all that as preface, please enjoy the headline “Someone Stole Seth Green’s Bored Ape, Which Was Supposed To Star In His New Show”. In essence, someone stole the digital asset which was going to be used to star in a TV show. Because of the way NFTs work, the possessor of an NFT is generally assumed to be its owner. As such, this theft could present copyright issues for the new show. There’s a whole lot of time, energy, and money being spent on things that are at best bad art, and at worst, terrible for the environment. On the plus side, however, they at least provide the rest of us with something to laugh at.

Previously in NFT Nonsense: They Got Scammed At Least Twice

Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire 

Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Earlier this year, a human patient in Maryland successfully received a heart transplant from a pig. That’s pretty remarkable! He survived two months after that, before unfortunately passing away.

The 57-year-old patient who survived two months after undergoing a landmark pig heart transplant may have died of a pig virus, his transplant surgeon announced last month.

Now that’s some bad luck. But then, of course the transplant surgeon would say that. “Car broke down after engine rebuild due to cheap gas, mechanic says”. I think we should get an independent opinion.

It’s a Wonderful Boat 

Monday, May 23rd, 2022

While reading about Italy’s seizure of a billion dollar yacht rumored to belong to Vladimir Putin, this line caught my eye (emphasis added):

…the 459-foot vessel – which comes equipped with six decks, two helipads, a judo gym, a five-metre aquarium, a swimming pool which turns into a dance floor, gold adorned bathrooms and a self-playing piano…

That is, quite literally, something out of a movie. Specifically, this strange combination can famously be seen in Jimmy Stewart’s classic film “It’s a Wonderful Life”.1 It got me thinking how great it would be if an angel would come and pull a Reverse Clarence. He could show Putin how much better the world would be if he’d never existed, and perhaps convince him to be on the receiving end of some polonium for once.


Footnotes:

  1. This was a real location, shot at Beverly Hills High School. As of 2022, the so-called “Swim Gym” remains in use. ↩︎

Chance to Success

Friday, May 20th, 2022

In the 13+ years One Foot Tsunami has been around, I’ve written about a plethora of different topics. I’ve also been fortune to be receive links from some larger websites, resulting in traffic from all over the world. As a result of these two facts, I get a lot of spammy emails from folks hoping I’ll publish their spammy content or link to their spammy sites (no, I won’t). They’ll usually provide the URL of a not-very-relevant post from years back, where I could “help my readers” by including a new link to their barely related nonsense.

For instance, last month, I received this:

Faheem here from █████ E Scooters, a site designed to demystify the future of transportation and make it easy for everyone to understand.

I’m emailing you because I saw an article of yours here https://onefoottsunami.com/2018/08/30/an-explanation-of-electric-scooters/ and wanted to see if you’d be interested in a small collaboration.

I recently put together a piece on how much are electric scooters packed full of info and thought it would make an excellent addition to your piece and wanted to see if you’d be interested in linking to it.

I’ll let you be the judge though, check it out! URL: ██████████

What do you think?

Mostly, Faheem, I think you should stop emailing me. And I especially think you, and everyone else, should stop emailing me three times, once with your initial spammy request, a second time to “check in”, and finally a third time to give me one last chance to, I dunno, curse your name? But at least I understand the nature of the scam here.

What’s rarer is something like the confusion that resulted from an email I recently received with the subject line “Quick question about elk hunting”. I have never hunted elk, nor anything else for that matter, so this was odd to say the least. It got weirder!

Hi Paul,

I’m putting together an expert roundup post on “elk hunting tips”. And I naturally wanted to invite you to contribute.

Ah, yes, naturally!

The question is: “For first time elk hunter, what should we prepare to increase chance to success?”

Hmm, you seem to have slipped into some really mangled English-as-a-second-language there. Are you OK?

I know you’re busy so a lengthy response isn’t necessary (50-100 words is totally fine).

Thanks!
Robert █████
Co-founder of █████

As you can surely guess, these emails have all been censored by me to avoid providing any help whatsoever to spammers. Even polite ones.

PS: We’ve already received responses from Eric Whiting (Iron Will Outfitters) and Carl Sauerwein (Boulder Basin Outfitters). I’d love for you to be involved.

Well gosh, to have my response printed alongside such illustrious company would truly be an honor. Eric Whiting and Carl Sauerwein? Wow!

I really didn’t know what to make of this email, so I set it aside. A few days later, however, Robert was back.

Hi Paul,

I know you’re busy, but did you get the chance to look into my first email? 🙂

Thanks and best regards,
Robert

It’s clear that despite the fact that I have no idea who he is, Robert knows me well. You see, unlike most people, I am indeed busy. So busy, in fact, that I never did respond to either of these emails.

Perhaps I should have. I’d certainly like to understand just what’s going on here. I imagine it’s some sort of link farming still, but how we got to elk hunting, I simply can’t fathom.