As I wrote a text message yesterday, I was presented with the dumbest set of auto-suggestions I can recall ever seeing. Please marvel at the ridiculousness:
Mothers certainly deserve a full month, but at present, that’s not what we’ve got.
Previous “Apple” posts
Happy Mother’s Lengths of Time
I had to type “D-a-y” letter by letter, like an animal.
Monday, May 11th, 2026
Bam Adebayo and the Wrong Ben Wallace
Winner gets to keep the nickname “Big Ben”.
Thursday, March 12th, 2026
On Tuesday night, Bam Adebayo dropped 83 points on the hapless Washington Generals Wizards. That’s the second-highest single-game total of all time, behind only Wilt Chamberlain’s legendary 100 point game, and topping Kobe Bryant’s 81 points from 2006.
Bam also topped Kobe in another way. After Wilt put up his 100, he posed with a ridiculously low-rent “sign”:
[As far as I can find, Kobe Bryant did not recreate this image after his monster game. Bam Adebayo, on the other hand, did:
[Photo via @miamiheat]
I think they used a Sharpie instead of a grease pencil, but it’ll do.
As I read about Tuesday’s game, I saw that Bam scored 36 of his points from the free throw line, on 43 attempts. That’s 83.7%, and I wanted to know how that ranks in the NBA. Against all judgement, but also because the button is right there on my phone, I asked Siri “What’s a good free throw shooting percentage in the NBA?”. Please have a look at the absolutely wretched answer it provided:
That is not the answer to the question asked.1 It also contains strange grammar, with the phrase “in the NBA history”. And most amusingly, it features a picture of the wrong Ben Wallace.
This is yet another pathetic showing by Siri, but it did have one upside. It’s led me to a new dream. I don’t know how we make it happen, but I’d love to see these two Bens Wallace go head-to-head in a free throw shooting contest.
Footnotes:
The correct answer is that roughly 80% or higher is good, and 85-90% is elite. Bam’s 83.7% was thus quite respectable, particularly for a center. ↩︎
Way to Go, Apple Maps
Fun with maps!
Monday, January 5th, 2026
Last week, I received a notification from Apple that my map edit had been approved. I don’t send in many corrections to Apple, so I was pretty sure this meant Maranville Street could now be found on Apple Maps. I eagerly opened up the app to see.
There it is! A search for “Maranville Street, Boston, MA” no longer stupidly sends me to North Carolina. Instead, the map zooms in to Chestnut Hill, where the road is correctly labeled. Maranville Street is real, according to Apple Maps, and that’s delightful.
Alas, since my previous post, Google Maps has removed Maranville Street. The bus stops remain, though, which means a search still takes you to the correct location and shows this incongruous result:
Naturally, I’m working to correct the issue:
Fingers crossed!
Naming the Random Street Near the Dumpsters
I’ll gladly sign any petition to make Maranville Street official.
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2025
While perusing my local subreddit recently, I read about a delightful monkeyshine perpetrated by user u/AggravatingSmoke1829, whose real name looks to be Brendan. While I can’t vouch for the authenticity of Brendan’s story, I can say that I dearly hope it’s true:
During the COVID lockdown…I noticed a small, unnamed street next to the Hancock Village townhome complex near where I live, and since Google Maps lets you suggest edits, I thought it would be funny to send one for this random street near the dumpsters. I named it Maranville Street after one of my favorite old-timey baseball players, who has an epic name, Rabbit Maranville, and sent the edit without thinking much of it.
I was surprised to get an e-mail two days later from Google saying my edit was approved, and sure enough, Maranville Street was now on the map (it still is).
Not only did Google Maps accept this edit, it was eventually picked up Boston’s bus system. The MBTA’s 51 bus now has stops both at Maranville and opposite it. A year later, Brandon was quite shocked, and no doubt also amused, when he heard this stop announced as he rode the bus.
At present, it is still possible to find Maranville Street on Google Maps. I fear it may disappear sometime soon, so I will immortalize it here:
Over on Apple Maps, there is currently no Maranville Street to be found in Boston. I’m honestly not sure if that says good or bad things about the service. I can say that a search for “Maranville Street, Boston, MA” repeatedly returned a useless result in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, some 650 miles away:
So, uh, keep up the work there, Apple Maps. Keep up the work.
Using the “Report Something Missing” option, I’m doing my part to make Maranville Street stick back up in Boston:
🤞 Fingers crossed!
To close, here’s a snippet of Baseball Hall-of-Famer Rabbit Maranville’s Wikipedia page:
Maranville was known as one of “baseball’s most famous clowns” due to his practical jokes and lack of inhibitions. He used to don a pair of glasses to make fun of umpires and mimic the actions of hitters or pitchers who took an especially long time to get ready. Other stunts he pulled included throwing firecrackers, stepping out on hotel ledges, and swallowing goldfish. On a road trip to New York, Maranville had teammate Jack Scott cry “Stop, thief!” as Scott chased him through Times Square. Another time, his concerned teammates broke into his hotel room after hearing screams, breaking glass, and gunshots emanating from within, as well as Maranville groaning, “Eddie, you’re killing me!” An unharmed Maranville and two friends greeted the players like nothing was wrong as they wandered out of the room
It’s clear that “Maranville” is a very fitting choice for this bit of guerrilla street naming. Those are some mighty fine shenanigans, there, Brandon, and I salute you.
The iPhone Mankini
Among its many faults, this product is too Borat-adjacent.
Wednesday, November 12th, 2025
Yesterday, Apple unveiled what seems unlikely to be their newest hit product, the iPhone Pocket. Produced in collaboration with the Issey Miyake design studio, this goofy accessory features “a singular 3D-knitted construction designed to fit any iPhone”. It will also hold “all pocketable items”, I suppose in the same way that a bag will hold all baggable items.
Here’s a look at the iPhone Pocket in action:
And here is just part of the pretentious press release for this silliness:
Born from the idea of creating an additional pocket, its understated design fully encloses iPhone, expanding to fit more of a user’s everyday items. When stretched, the open textile subtly reveals its contents and allows users to peek at their iPhone display. iPhone Pocket can be worn in a variety of ways — handheld, tied onto bags, or worn directly on the body.
…
The design drew inspiration from the concept of “a piece of cloth” and reinterpreted the everyday utility of the brand’s iconic pleated clothing.
Upon seeing this, long-term Apple nerds will undoubtedly be reminded of iPod Socks. That goofy fabric-based product was at least affordable, however, with a package of 6 different colors running $29. A single iPhone Pocket, meanwhile, costs an eye-watering $150, and you’ll need to select just one color:
The iPhone Pocket in Lemon, Mandarin, Purple, Pink, Peacock, Sapphire, Cinnamon, and Black.
The iPhone Pocket has a longer size which runs an even more egregious $230. You should note that it’s only available in the more staid sapphire, cinnamon, and black colors. I’ve got a pretty good idea why the long strap design has no lemon version:
I’m sorry, but also, this is Apple’s fault.
This has been dubbed a “limited release”, so if for some reason you’re interested in the iPhone Mankini, act fast. Also, please write in and tell me why.
Tahoe’s Terrible Icons
MacOS 26’s new icons are a step backwards.
Wednesday, November 5th, 2025
On the new MacOS 26 (Tahoe), Apple has mandated that all application icons fit into their prescribed squircle. No longer can icons have distinct shapes, nor even any fun frame-breaking accessories. Should an icon be so foolish as to try to have a bit of personality, it will find itself stuffed into a dingy gray icon jail.
The left side of the example below shows the old icon for Audio Hijack as it used to appear, while the right shows it rotting away in a Tahoe prison cell:
While Apple had previously urged developers to use squircle icons on our apps, they’ve now taken things much further to ensure compliance. It’s a shame.
Apple updated their own app icons on Tahoe, for both the squircle shape as well as the new “Liquid Glass” interface. Mostly, these icons seem dumbed-down, with a loss of detail. For example, here’s Safari’s old icon from MacOS 15 (Sequoia) on the left, and the new Tahoe icon on the right:
To me, the new icon just feels blander, and that’s widely true for all of the updated icons. A small number, such as Screen Sharing and Audio MIDI Setup, may be improvements. Most, however, are not. Let’s review with direct comparisons, all of which again feature the older Sequoia icon on the left and the new Tahoe icon on the right.
There are a few lateral moves:
Image Playground
Image Playground is Apple’s AI image generation app, though its new icon doesn’t really convey that. At least they got rid of that awful catdog.
Photo Booth
I like the new concept for Photo Booth’s icon, but the execution is lifeless.
Mission Control
Meanwhile, Mission Control’s functionality is a difficult concept to convey. I liked the old color indicators, but the new version at least includes the window control buttons.
Unfortunately, however, there are many new icons which are distinct downgrades.
Automator
Apple’s scripting application previously featured an awesome little robot dude. On Tahoe, it’s barely clear that’s a robot at all. What a pity.
Calendar
I remember that 30 days hath November, April, June, and September. And I thought all the rest had 31, except February, which has 28, except in a leap year when it has 29. Which month is it that has only 24 days?
Chess
This is just really bad. The board has been zoomed-in to the point of meaninglessness, while the glass knight looks fuzzy and amateurish.
Contacts
The left-side tabs on the old Contacts icon were odd, but this new icon is even odder. Is the cover of that book made of glass?
Font Book
Hey, look, it’s Contacts, but far worse! This no longer looks like a book at all. It’s just a gray “a” blob.
Disk Utility
Several of Apple’s new icons for utilities feature the dumb wrench seen on the right, but this is one of the worst. In this case, the Apple hexagon the wrench is adjusting utterly fails to convey “disk”.
Migration Assistant
Hey, speaking of icons that are now utterly devoid of meaning.
DVD Player
I am both amused and aghast that Apple spent time updating this moribund application. For reference, it’s been over nine years since Apple last sold a Mac with an internal optical drive.
Image Capture
The old Image Capture icon was no great shakes, but the arrow on the new one really threw me off. I honestly thought the new icon had not fully loaded.
Preview
Look at the beautiful photorealistic glass on the loupe in the old Preview icon. They sucked the soul out of it, and ironically, the new Liquid Glass version barely looks like a loupe at all.
Stickies
The previous Stickies icon looked perfectly like a pad of sticky notes. The new icon looks like strange glowing glass sheets, hovering in the air.
TextEdit
This change is simply awful. In isolation, the new icon is barely recognizable for what it’s attempting to be.
Digital Color Meter
This, however, is my pick for the single worst change. The new icon looks like art from a kindergarten classroom, and this app is not a kid’s toy.
Closing
Overall, Tahoe has been a solid update for me, particularly with the recent 26.1 release. These icons, however, make me sad. Perhaps one day, it will again be possible for icons to have shape and personality. We have the technology.
ICEBlock Blocked ∞
Tell me again how a lack of sideloading is making me safer?
Friday, October 3rd, 2025
Gosh, it’s almost like Apple serving as the exclusive gatekeeper for what software can be installed on the iPhone (and iPad, and Apple TV, and Apple Watch, and Vision Pro) is a bad thing that creates a single point of failure which can be abused by increasingly authoritarian governments.
Notification Summary Miscues
Perhaps I ought to just turn these off.
Thursday, March 20th, 2025
Since they were first enabled last year, I have frequently found Apple Intelligence’s notification summaries for emails to be something less than helpful. Here are some I spotted in just the past few days.
A Pricey Used Book
The notification summary:
That’s one expensive book.
The actual email:
Humans readily understand this style of dollars and cents pricing. Robots, it seems, do not.
Excessive Addition (And Alarmingly Incorrect Math)
The notification summary:
I took two (wicked fun) ebike rides, not three…
The actual email:
…oh, I see what happened here.
Hang on, though. As friend-of-the-site Alex S. pointed out to me, even the math is wrong. $1.28 + $1.17 + $2.45 = $4.90. Setting aside the incorrect extra addition, how did the initial summary get to $5.89? Whence came that extra 99¢?
Incorrect Capitalization
The notification summary:
Did I buy running shoes from my doctor?
The actual email:
No, I did not.
If we set aside the inaccurate addition in the second example, each one of these mistakes is understandable, but still completely stupid. If a human made these errors, you’d correct them, and expect them to get it right in the future. When it’s AI slop, however, it’s hard to envision how the system actually improves.
The Legend of Larry Owl
This post sits at the intersection of technology and 20th century history.
Friday, March 14th, 2025
At 42 Lomasney Way in downtown Boston, there’s a brownstone known as the Last Tenement. Built in the 1870s, it was once part of blocks and blocks of similar buildings. Now, it stands as the last of its kind, penned in by modern glass-walled skyscrapers.
The Last Tenement
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]
In the 1950s, Boston was the victim of a horrifying urban renewal, and the West End neighborhood was almost entirely demolished:
Mid-20th century urban planning had problems.
Legends of how this particular building escaped the wrecking ball abound. Whatever the truth, it’s the only nearby structure that wasn’t razed. Still standing in 2025, the Last Tenement is now home to four apartments and two billboards. For at least the past decade, the building’s south-facing billboard has played host to a continuous succession of Apple advertisements:
This 2015 photo of a photo shot with an iPhone 6 was itself shot with an iPhone 6.
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]
Recently, Apple shipped their AI-powered Genmoji feature, which enables you to create your own custom emoji. I’ve used it to make useful gems like a dumpster fire, as well as a sack to stuff your sorries into:
Apple has advertised Genmoji with snails driving cars, pigeons donning clothes, and even this enormous2 pizza rat:
The Last Tenement’s billboard was part of this Genmoji campaign as well. It featured the following ad:
I run through this area frequently, so I noted this ad after it went up. Because I was often focused on just how miserable running in a frigid Boston winter can be, however, I didn’t think too much about it. “OK, sure, an owl basketball player” was about as far as my cold-addled brain got.
Eventually, though, the penny dropped. After my umpteenth time passing the billboard, while trying to distract myself from the single-digit temperatures and the brutal wind chill, I realized what I’d been missing. That’s not just a basketball-playing foul fowl.
You see, the Last Tenement is located just a few hundred feet from TD Garden, home arena for the reigning NBA champion Boston Celtics. The Celtics have had many great players over the years, but only one had the last name “Bird”. Yes, this billboard is surely an allusion to the Hick from French Lick, Larry Bird.
It was obvious once I finally saw it, and I was so amused that I went by with my phone to snap the above pic. At that point, I noticed that the cartoon’s basketball jersey even seems to feature Larry Legend’s #33. It’s cut off, perhaps in the hopes of avoiding a lawsuit, but those numbers really can’t be anything else.
Having now studied the ad quite closely, I suspect that this Genmoji was not created with a simple text prompt like “A bird playing basketball”. Instead, I’m betting it’s based on an actual picture of Larry Bird, specifically Kurt Shimala’s picture featured on Bird’s Wikipedia page. Just look at this comparison:
Larry Bird bird vs. Larry Bird
For reference, the real Larry Bird is the one not wearing sunglasses.
I would love to know if this particular ad was created exclusively for the location. If you spotted it elsewhere in the world, get in touch. Until I hear otherwise, though, I will assume this was a hyper-specific one-off. Either way, props to the Apple marketer who thought to put a Genmoji Larry Bird bird right next to the Celtics’ home.
Footnotes:
The relevant Seinfeld clip is archived here. ↩︎
It’s on a big billboard, so it is literally an enormous rodent. But setting that aside, do you think it’s a huge rat or a very tiny slice of pizza? ↩︎
They’re Certainly Synonyms ∞
That’s not a bug, it’s a feature.
Wednesday, February 26th, 2025
OK, it’s possible Apple Intelligence does know a few things.
I managed to trigger this goofiness on my very own phone, dictating the word “racist”. I’m including a screen recording for posterity:
Recorded on an iPhone 15 Pro running 18.3.1
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