Tom enjoys sales stickers on his laptop and the world enjoys knowing that his laptop is “VIDEO MESSAGING READY, with a BuiltIn Camera & Microphone [sic]”.

Tom’s screen gets very bright when he turns it up.

Halfway through a two-hour flight, Tom is willing to fill out a long web form and pay for in-flight wifi. He no doubt has important business to which he must attend.

Tom’s preferred user name is ‘thbrown007’. However, as Tom is about 5’7″ and over 200 pounds, he is both shorter and fatter than any version of the true double-oh-seven, James Bond.

Tom Brown’s favorite color? Brown. No, no, that would be a terrible favorite color. It’s actually blue.

Tom’s mother’s maiden name was ‘Buster’. I want very much for her to have hyphenated her last name after marriage.

Honestly, Tom’s screen brightness is really quite high.

Tom is a Texas Tech Red Raiders fan. Alternately, Tom is a fan of masked men on horses, enough to take the time to find a picture of one, download it, then set it as his wallpaper.

Tom has a daughter born in 1990, and he’s friends with her on Facebook. Alternately, he has a wildly age-inappropriate wife born in 1990, and he’s friends with her on Facebook.

Tom can spend many minutes optimizing his Netflix queue, until the Internet is finally switched off.

Tom did not in fact have important business to which he must attend.