By The Numbers: Birthday Wishes

Snail Mail

Birthday cards received via mail: 3

Percentage of cards received via mail which were sent by my mortgage broker: 33.3%

Scoring from 0 to 100, value given to “Has the lowest rate”, when shopping for a mortgage broker: 99.999

Scoring from 0 to 100, value given to “Sent me a birthday card”, when shopping for a mortgage broker: 0.001


E-cards received from friends and family: 2

Other emails received from friends and family, with birthday wishes: 6

Emails received from assorted companies, and the automated emailing robots which represent them: 9

Ratio by which programmed robotic love outweighs human love, using email as a benchmark: 9:8


Facebook, Twitter, and other non-email well-wishes received: Dozens

Facebook virtual gifts received: 0, thankfully

Coupons and gifts received from the previously mentioned companies and robots: 3

Savings ING Direct is offering me at the ING Direct Store, for bright orange and belogo-ed things like “mugs, bags, books, and more”: 15% off

Gratitude I feel for this particular “gift”: None at all.