Yesterday, the FBI announced the largest mob bust in history, with the arrests of over 100 mobsters. Perusing the documents from the cases, it’s clear there are plenty of colorful characters with great nicknames. Albert Cernadas, for instance, is also known as “The Bull”. Benjamin Castellazzo goes by both “The Fang” and “The Claw”, which leaves me wondering just how many different ways he’s killed a man.

Many of the crime figures had much weaker nicknames, like Emanuele Favuzza’s “Manny” or Lawrence Gallo’s “Larry”. Still, a simple name-based nickname is better than a truly awful nickname. Here are some of the worst from yesterday’s indictments::

• “Tony Bagels”

• “Vinny Carwash”

• “Hootie”

• “Lumpy”, also known as “Fatty”, also known as “Fats”

• “Mush”

If I were a mobster, I’d want a fearsome nickname, like “The Blade” or “Dead-eye”. I’d probably settle for something like “Paulie Pinball” though. Because I like pinball, see.

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