Happy Valentine’s Day!

In the sort of story that seems to happen every year, a 12 year old girl got a rather shocking message while eating from a bag of candy conversation hearts:

A candy heart reading "Nice tits!"

“Nice Tits!”, the candy heart said, apparently from its place on the love seat. The confection then attempted to wink and cluck its tongue twice while making a lascivious hand gesture. Its sexual advances were thwarted, however, by its lack of the requisite body parts.

For the romantic who hopes all evidence of his love and/or lust will be destroyed by the digestive process, there are adult-themed conversation hearts out there. Either by accident or on purpose, an inappropriate conversation heart slipped into a bag of normal candies. Perhaps they’re both made in the same facility. Perhaps a dirty uncle slipped them in. I like to imagine it was put in by a factory worker, mentally deranged from inhaling too much candy dust.

The way this story was reported is also interesting. Online, the entire report was fully uncensored, but the televised report from KCRA chose to bleep the word and blur it out on video. In fact, they described to the word “tits” as “a derogatory term for a woman’s chest”, which seems more than a bit off the mark. Even if the slang term is obscene, it’s not nearly offensive as the fact that anyone is actually eating these awful, chalky “treats”.

Finally, before we go, a public service announcement: If you’re going to be on TV, remember to take off your bluetooth headset.