Rejected Chinese Fortune Cookie Fortunes:
Try the low-sodium soy sauce next time, tubby.
You really should just give up and use a fork.
Did you know that during Mao Zedong’s Cultural Revolution, Kung Pao chicken was renamed “fast-fried chicken cubes”1?
Worry not overmuch about the problems of today, for soon enough, you will be dead.
Tonight, you will have mediocre sex.
Footnotes: