Rejected Chinese Fortune Cookie Fortunes:

• Try the low-sodium soy sauce next time, tubby.

• You really should just give up and use a fork.

• Did you know that during Mao Zedong’s Cultural Revolution, Kung Pao chicken was renamed “fast-fried chicken cubes”¹?

• Worry not overmuch about the problems of today, for soon enough, you will be dead.

• Tonight, you will have mediocre sex.

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Footnotes:

1. It’s true! ↩︎

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