Better Red Handed Than White Handed

Friday, July 13th, 2012

The news story is a month old, but the resulting headline is just too good not to share. First, the background:

On a crazy night in 2011, Kevin Signalness abused both meth and marijuana, in addition to drinking to excess. In his altered state, he proceeded to steal a car. While driving said stolen car, he began masturbating, using a visual aid on the passenger seat. While engaged in his autoerotic adventures, Signalness wound up crashing through the police tape at an existing crime scene. When officers on the scene confronted him regarding his self-gratification, Signalness reportedly replied “You caught me red-handed”.

Fortunately for Signalness, there is some good news, as seen in the aforementioned headline of a recent follow-up story:

Car Thief Who Was High on Drugs and Masturbating When He Plowed Into Portland Crime Scene Will Not Have to Register as Sex Offender

No doubt that’s quite a relief. Let’s go to Mr. Signalness for his reaction:

Quite The Mug Shot


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