Disorganized Thoughts on IKEA

IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad passed away last weekend, at the age of 91. After starting the world’s largest furniture company 75 years ago, he lived a long and successful life. Despite his enormous accomplishments, his later years were plagued by questions of teenage connections to Nazis. Even more despicable is the massive amount of money in taxes IKEA has avoided paying by masquerading as a non-profit. It’s an ingenuous corporate structure which is also morally reprehensible. “The Advancement of Architecture and Interior Design”, indeed.

This malevolent corporate behavior is all the more inexplicable given Kamprad’s famous frugality. His actions cheated cities and countries out of billions in tax dollars which could have helped untold millions of people. As a result, Kamprad became one of the very richest people in the world. Why bother with all that evil, if you’re still going to drive a used Volvo, fly coach, and bring home salt and pepper packets from restaurants?

A confused funeral home worker attempting to assemble a flat-packed coffin

It’s reported that there were several pieces inexplicably left over following the assembly of Kamprad’s casket. Those who have experience with IKEA’s low-end products theorize that the whole particleboard mess may collapse the moment anyone looks at it sideways, so mourners are requested to avert their gaze. The memorial service will be followed by a meal of Swedish meatballs and dessert of lingonberry parfait.