Just Say No to Gender Reveal Parties

Thursday, November 14th, 2019

While at a bar for some pub trivia recently, I noticed a large group gathered on the other side of the room. These folks were not present to trade their knowledge of minutia for a handful of dollars. Instead, it appeared as though they were having a baby shower. At a bar.

That idea was disconcerting enough, but their event culminated in something even worse: a gender reveal. If you’re not familiar with this relatively new trend, it’s an event wherein the gender of a baby is revealed, often in a “fun” or “clever” way. To quote Wikipedia’s examples:

Often, it employs the trope of pink (denoting a female) or blue (denoting a male), perhaps hidden inside a cake or piñata. When the cake is cut or the piñata is opened, the color popularly associated with the baby’s sex is revealed.

This particular gathering utilized a large, opaque ballon. When they were ready to unveil what sort of genitals a forthcoming infant would have, the balloon was popped, and guests were showered in blue confetti. The whole thing was more than a little silly, and the venue for it was poorly chosen, but it was just after the pop that they really lost me. You see, when it was finally revealed that the woman was expecting a boy, a large percentage of the guests cheered. They cheered as if for a game-winning touchdown or the playing of a band’s biggest hit, live in concert. They cheered, and I honestly can’t understand the mindset. Were these people rooting specifically for a boy? I doubt it. Surely, they would have cheered for any outcome at all, like complete and utter simpletons.

Gender reveal parties have always been inane, but more recently, they’ve proven themselves to be terribly dangerous. In fact, gender reveal stunts may well be the single most dangerous activity mankind has ever devised. In 2017, a gender reveal explosion caused a 45,000 acre forest fire leading to over $8 million in damages. A recently released NTSB report has indicated that a gender reveal stunt led to a plane crash in September. Just last month, a gender reveal pipe bomb killed a woman. Perhaps it’s time for the government to step in, to safeguard the citizenry from themselves, and their idiot neighbors.

In closing, please allow this post to serve as a warning that if you invite me to your gender reveal party, I will boo the result, regardless of what it is.


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