Madison, the Superfluous Reindeer

Wednesday, December 25th, 2019

On a recent trip on the subway, I saw someone with a Christmas gift bag that made me very confused. I snapped a quick pic, but I didn’t want to be a total creeper, so it’s not great:

It’s blurry, but you should still be able to make out the fact that Santa’s sleigh is being pulled by 12, count them, 12 reindeer. I had to find out more.

Realizing that my subway stop was very close to a Paper Source store, I was able to find the product in question. Here’s a better picture of their “Snow Covered Street” bag:

As a result, I now have some questions for Paper Source.

Questions for Paper Source About These “Snow Covered Street Medium Gift Bags”:

  • Just how many reindeer do you think there are? We know the answer, and the answer is eight. We know all of their names. Dasher, Dancer, and Prancer, Vixen, Cupid, Comet, Donner, and Blitzen. Eight.

  • Are you counting Rudolph? Alright, then it’s nine.

  • Would you like help getting to ten? Fine. I’ve also heard of “Olive”, as in 🎶 Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names 🎶. It requires some clever/awful wordplay, but we’ll let you have it. Even with those two additions, you reach only a very shaky ten. As well, it’d mean you’ve got Rudolph in-line (rather than leading the pack), and without his distinguishing feature.

  • So, what are the names of the other two reindeer? I’ll say they’re “Madison” and “Logan”. Let’s go with some trendy-ass names for these ridiculous, superfluous reindeer.

  • Isn’t it likely that the average gift weight has decreased in recent years? Solid wood was replaced by plastics, and electronics have gotten smaller and lighter every year. Given that, Santa’s sleigh has surely gotten lighter. Is Santa now using more reindeer even as less energy is required, in some sort of make-work job scenario?

  • Alternately, has Santa, recently gained weight, like so many people? And as a result, are more magical flying reindeer necessary to get the sleigh off the ground?

In closing, those reindeer lack antlers and kind of look like dogs.


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