On December 7, I ordered a small gift on eBay. I needed it by December 19, and the listing indicated it should arrive to me between December 11 and December 15. Perfect. However, when it didn’t arrive on time, nor by this past weekend, I was a bit concerned. I poked at eBay, where I found an “I haven’t received this item” button. I clicked that, and requested shipping information via a polite message:

Hi there, I ordered this over a week ago, and expected it between the 11th and 15th. Alas, it hasn’t arrived. Do you have shipping information for it? Thank you!

Just a few minutes later, I received this amazing reply, reprinted exactly as it was received:

Hello Paul, you do realize it is holiday season? Item was sent out on the 8th of December from Las Vegas and you are on the Eastside of the United States, can you please allow a few more days for it to arrive and also let me know when you get it, being there is now a hold on my funds thanks

I really just had to laugh at this response. The seller managed to be condescending and rude, while also requesting my help so that they can get access to the $5 they’ll rightfully deserve just as soon as I have my purchase. Pick a lane!

As you might imagine, I had, in fact, not forgotten about Christmas. I also understand that shipping can be slow. I really just hoped to receive a tracking number, or some other way to estimate when the thing might arrive. I didn’t really get that, but I did get an amusingly churlish reply. That’s something, at least.