Recently, Amtrak sent me a “member exclusive” email to let me know that the future was approaching the station.
[A]s one of our most valued Amtrak Guest Rewards® members, we wanted you to be the first to know that NextGen Acela will soon be available to book on select departures. This modern, elevated experience will change the way you look at train travel. Watch your inbox for more information on how to book your future NextGen Acela travel with Amtrak.
I say, with zero sarcasm, that this is exciting! Acela might be the world’s worst high-speed train service, but it’s America’s best.1 I take Amtrak from Boston to New York City whenever I can, and if possible, I choose Acela. It’s an excellent experience. When I received this email, I was eager to get a glimpse at these new trains:
Apparently, the future is trains that look exceedingly penile. So be it.
Look at that baby zoom! Now, I often work on my laptop when I travel, so I was pleased to find the email touting “Free, 5G enabled WiFi, power outlets and USB ports at every seat”. Immediately, however, I was curious as to the exact type of USB ports we were talking about here. I clicked through to their site to see what I could see, but found no pictures.
So I watched their one minute sizzle reel, which was a rather ridiculous 300+ MB in size.2 Halfway through, it showed off multiple features of the new interiors using Apple’s favorite keynote trick, the bento box:
Oh, zoom in on the upper left!
Aw, man. USB-A?! That is not the future.
Nevertheless, I say with still zero sarcasm, I am excited to ride on one of these new trains soon.
Footnotes:
Also, sadly, only. ↩︎
A much smaller version of their video, whose original filename was “amtrak-nextgen-acela-sizzle.mp4”, is archived here. ↩︎
