The Hathaway Effect ∞

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Berkshire Hathaway is a massive 172-year-old conglomerate holding company run by Warren Buffet. Anne Hathaway is a 28-year-old Oscar-nominated actress. They would seem to have nothing in common but a surname, yet Ms. Hathaway’s celebrity has been tentatively tied to improved performance of Berkshire Hathaway’s stock. Dan Mirvish’s explains:

My guess is that all those automated, robotic trading programming are picking up the same chatter on the internet about “Hathaway” as the IMDb’s StarMeter, and they’re applying it to the stock market.

Amusing, and interesting if true.

Sheen, Beck, or Qaddafi? ∞

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Charlie Sheen is a crazy celebrity, who can do relatively little damage. Glenn Beck is a crazy TV host who can unfortunately spread his crazy to much of America via Fox News. Muammar Qaddafi is a crazed tyrant who’s actively causing deaths, right now. And yet their craziness seems almost interchangeable, as this Daily Intel page shows.

Also, is this the worst product mention ever?

They give them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafe

It might be, but I also realized I hadn’t even thought of Nescafe in years. Is having a brutal dictator mention you worse than people forgetting your product exists?

See also the Guardian UK’s simpler Gaddafi vs. Sheen quiz. I scored a pathetic 5/10, which is no better than guessing.

These Colors Something Something

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

If you live in America, you’ve likely seen some variant of this proud, somewhat jingoist, bumper sticker:

These Colors Don't Run

It’s both a statement of bravado, and a play on words, which is a rare combination. America’s flag (also known as our colors), and the people it represents, won’t run from a challenge or a fight. Setting aside the value of bumper-sticker patriotism, this seems an honorable, if perhaps brash, statement.

This real-world example, however, is comically in need of replacement:

These colors something something
[Photo credit: Mike Ash]

Believe it or not, though, it could have been even worse. It’ll be even more laughable if a similar fate strikes this sticker.

Epilogue

If you’d like to learn more about America’s flag, consult your local Wikipedia. In my own research, I learned three interesting new facts:

1. The last 35 states all share an anniversary day. All states admitted to the union since 1818 were brought in on the fourth of July.

2. While you probably know that the 13 stripes on our flag represent the 13 original colonies, you probably didn’t know that after the addition of Vermont and Kentucky in 1795, we had a 15-stripe flag. Presumably, adding 5 more states in 1818 made it clear how untenable the idea of adding stripes for each state would be.

3. Because the star arrangement didn’t become official until our 48-star flag in 1912, we had some Space Invaders-lookin’ messes in the 1800s. Check these out:

Space Invaders Looking Flag #1
Space Invaders Flag #1

Space Invaders Looking Flag #2
Space Invaders Flag #2

Why Not Steal The Witnesses Too? ∞

Monday, February 28th, 2011

A 16-year-old Arlington Heights boy told police he poisoned and killed three fish because he “didn’t want to leave any witnesses,” according to Arlington Heights police.

That is both weird and hilarious.

Blockbuster’s Timeline ∞

Friday, February 25th, 2011

After filing for bankruptcy last year, Blockbuster has now agreed to be purchased by a group of creditors. As this once-mighty chain continues to shutter stores, a timeline of their existence from Fast Company is worth a read. In addition to the genesis of Netflix (which now has a market cap of over $11 billion), the timeline also features this gem:

2000: Blockbuster declines several offers to purchase Netflix for a mere $50 million. Instead, the company inks a 20-year deal to deliver on-demand movies with Enron Broadband Services, a subsidiary of energy trading giant Enron.

2001: Enron files for bankruptcy amid accounting scandal.

Good call on that one.

The Most Rockin’ Jingle Ever

Thursday, February 24th, 2011

In addition to a wealth of shitty adult contemporary music, Barry Manilow has also given the world several famous commercial jingles. His collection of jingles includes Band-Aid’s “I am stuck on Band-Aid…” and State Farm Insurance’s “Like a good neighbor…”. When State Farm approached Weezer about recording a version of Manilow’s jingle, the band asked if it was part of a larger song. It turns out Mr. Manilow did indeed write a full version, one which had never been recorded, and State Farm was able to dig up the lyrics and music for the whole song.

Now, State Farm has a video over on YouTube, with Weezer’s full performance of the song1. As Vulture notes, your initial reaction might be that this is a ridiculous sell-out. Perhaps it is. But it’s also disturbingly good.

Weezer, in studio
Weezer performing a song for an insurance company

Give it a listen, especially if you remember Weezer’s early stuff fondly. I’ve transcribed the lyrics below2, so you can even sing along. It’s a throwback to a once-great sound. It’s also the most rockin’ jingle I’ve ever heard.

Like A Good Neighbor, State Farm Is There

Whenever you’re driving,
And wherever you’re bound,
On freeways and byways,
The whole country round.

You’ll feel better knowin’,
Anytime, anywhere,
That like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there.

Your home’s where your heart is3,
It’s a feeling that grows,
The house that you live,
The love that it shows.

You’ll feel better knowin’,
Anytime, anywhere,
That like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there.

We all hope the good times,
Never leave us behind.
We face our tomorrows,
With some peace of mind.

No man has a promise
Of a life without care.

And like a good neighbor,
State Farm is there.
State Farm is there!
State Farm is there!
State Farm is there!

Footnotes:

  1. As usual for future-proofin’, the video is also archived here. ↩︎

  2. If State Farm comes after this free advertising for copyright infringement, we can all laugh our asses off. ↩︎

  3. So your real home’s in your chest. ↩︎

I Hate Everything About This ∞

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2011

The party had budget of $32,000, which paid for 42 center pieces, 2,000 flowers and 300 costumes. Was it an elaborate theme wedding? No, something even worse than overpriced nuptials has come along – disgustingly lavish children’s birthday party. Get ready to hate everything about this.

“It’s crazy because Gracie didn’t want anyone else to get her dress,” Nicole said. “Here we had all these hairdressers and she just wanted mom.”

It sounds like you could have saved about $31,900 on this whole thing.

Cheese or Font? ∞

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011

This little web game sounds simple: Is the word shown a type of cheese or the name of a font? The woeful stats show just how ridiculous the names of both fonts and cheeses actually are.

Beatha Lee, Civic Association President ∞

Monday, February 21st, 2011

The Hillbrook-Tall Oaks Civic Association was suffering from a dearth of volunteers for office, and its three-term president was prohibited from running again. Thus, when Beatha Lee stepped up, she won in an uncontested election.

Only later did folks realize that Beatha Lee was, in fact, a dog. The Washington Post has the full story here. Asked how the Wheaten terrier was working out, her vice-president (and owner) Marc Crawford offered this:

“Well, she delegates a lot,” Crawford said. “That’s what executives are supposed to do – delegate.”

Sometimes I just love this stupid country so much.

Googly Eyes: Lucky’s Lounge

Friday, February 18th, 2011

It’s been far too long since I’ve posted pictures of googly eyes being stuck where they don’t belong. That doesn’t mean I’ve slowed my pioneering in this new form of artistic expression, however. Sometimes I just need to wait for the statute of limitations on vandalism to run out.

So today we’ve got a new edition of Googly Eyes, filmed on location at a certain bar in Boston that’s heavily into the Chairman of the Board.

New Year's Eve Party

Often, gravity pulls a pair of pupils in sync. Here, however, they’re delightfully askew. Upon zooming in, you can see that this silhouette Sinatra has gone from dapper to deranged. Note how his eyes follow the angle of his hat – wonderful.

Wall Painting

If reading Frank Sinatra Has a Cold taught me anything, it’s that if Frank Sinatra were alive today, he’d have me whacked. Fortunately, since his passing in 1998, it’s been possible to mock him via wall mural with impunity.

Sinatra Sunday

Ol’ Blue Eyes? More like Ol’ Googly Eyes! *Ba-zing*.

Are you interested in previous editions of this ridiculous series? Check out Googly Eyes: Dunkin’ Donuts and Googly Eyes: Subway Ads.

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