Money Quotes: July 14th, 2010 Edition

It’s time for another round of money quotes, great quotes from the news!

First up, a photographer at India’s Corbett National Park recently captured pictures of an elephant who had found herself a new pet. Madhuri the elephant caught a monitor lizard and kept it with her for several days, even swinging it in the air.

Some experts even believe the [elephant] even possesses an intuition that allows them to imagine what other elephants are feeling.

How the lizard felt after its ordeal is not known.

In more disgusting news, the New York Times has a story on a woman being cured of a terrible intestinal infection with an unorthodox treatment. The patient’s body was not processing food well, causing severe weight loss due to constant diarrhea. Her doctor reported, in what is perhaps a poor choice of words:

“She was just dwindling down the drain, and she probably would have died.”

In the end, the patient was cured by a simple bacteriotherapy operation. This is, apparently, the process of transplanting fecal matter from one person into another. Specifically, a small sample of her husband’s stool was mixed with a saline solution and delivered into her colon. How…intimate.

Other marriages are a bit rockier, as George Cascone knows. He was a near-victim of assassination by his ex-wife Dorothy. Dorothy was looking to cash in on life insurance policies she held on George, so she hired a hit man to kill him. The problem? She skimped, offering only $2000 for the deed, and the hit man went to the authorities instead. Eventually, the FBI arrested her and told George what was going on. His reply?

“The part that insulted me the most is the fact that she gave the hit man so little money. She should’ve paid him more money than that. She’s so greedy. She wouldn’t even give the guy that did all the work any more money than $2,000.”

If someone had sought to have me killed, I don’t know that I’d be quite as plussed as George clearly was. Even on the wrong end of a murder-for-hire plot, Cascone simply could not be flapped.

Finally, dozens of MPs in Pakistan have been found to have lied about their university degrees. The scandal is shaking the country and causing international embarassment. What did Nawab Muhammad Aslam Raisani, chief minister of the Balochistan Province, have to say about this?

“A degree is a degree, whether it is fake or genuine.”

I only have this fake degree in, uh, Detectivery, but my skills are sharp enough to lead me to believe that Mr. Raisani’s degree is not of the legitimate variety.

Hey, I guess maybe he’s right!