Monkeys Hate Flying Squirrels 

The linked article’s headline reads:

Monkeys Hate Flying Squirrels, Report Monkey-Annoyance Experts

It’s very early, but it’s probably safe to declare this the best headline of the day. The sub-head gets even better.

Japanese macaques will completely flip out when presented with flying squirrels, a new study in monkey-antagonism has found. The research could pave the way for advanced methods of enraging monkeys.

So now you’ve learned at least three things:

  1. Macaques hate flying squirrels.

  2. There are “monkey-annoyance experts”, who work on “monkey-antagonism”.

  3. Our current methods of angering monkeys are simply not sufficient. Someone, perhaps just the reporter but perhaps the scientists, is looking for newer, more effective ways of enraging monkeys.

The article also includes a monkey crowd reaction video from 2006. At that time, scientists were just beginning to work on weaponizing the flying squirrel. When the inevitable Monkey Wars come, we’ll be glad they did.