The Worst Way to Name a Baby

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

There are plenty of ways to screw up naming your child, from misspelling to unnecessary punctuation. For the less creative, there’s now a web site to help you get a head start on ruining your child’s life. Take a look at a real sampling of its suggestions, seen in bold.

Starting with the boys, you may have heard of a fish with this name, but how about a son called Wanda? If you’re hoping for many grandchildren, Phertol is a good choice. Maybe you’re a Pearl Jam fan? Ten is a fine name for an album or a son, and as a bonus, it’s three better than Seven. Other three letter wonders include Pin, Ped, and the delicious Pez. Ultimately, however, every boy gets mocked in some way relating to the male anatomy. Why not make it easy for the other kids, with a name like Smalle or Wack? One way or another, you’ll have to decide. You can’t just Punt.

How about names for a girl? Iron is a strong, powerful name, and it’s not just for a man. If you’re a fan of Bob Marley, you might opt to name your daughter Rasta. Your future sweetheart could be the life of the party, if you name her Keg. Perhaps you’d prefer your girl to sound like a prescription drug? Go ahead and name her Thanarnal. If you’ve got money to spend on costly vowels, Beeeasud may be for you, but if not, Phr is a fine choice. Of course, if you want your daughter to be able to support you with her lottery winnings, Wncash is the way to go. One way or another though, if you pick a name this way, it’s extremely the other kids will laugh at your young lady – Haha.

Once again, all of these suggestions are real, pulled right from the site. You can try it out yourself, and see just what sorts of awful “names” you can find.


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