The Callousness of Siri

One of the major new features of the new iPhone 4S is Siri, an integrated assistant which can help with all manner of tasks. After speaking into the phone, Siri will respond with everything from nearby businesses to weather or traffic reports, and much more. There’s been no shortage of posts detailing Siri’s comedic responses, but I recently discovered her dark side. It seems that Siri can be one cold bitch.

I began by testing how she might have helped back in March:

I have a kidney stone.

That’s not exactly helpful. Let’s try another:

I have lupus.

Your surprise is perhaps intended as a compliment, Siri, but perhaps you could be of a bit more assistance?

I need a liver transplant.

Now that’s just hilariously inappropriate. But requiring a liver transplant isn’t an issue fraught with immediacy. How about something where every second counts?

I'm experiencing massive blood loss.

Well, thanks for giving it a go. Of course, apologetically throwing in the towel after one try while I lay exsanguinating in a dimly-lit alley isn’t exactly going to be viewed as top-notch service. One more attempt?

I think I'm having a stroke.

Sooner or later, the last words some poor bastard hears are going to be Siri’s robotic-yet-still-somehow-smarmy “Is that so?”.