Under Pressure

Monday, February 18th, 2013

For 60 years, the Brattle Theatre has been showing classic and off-beat films in the heart of Cambridge, Massachusetts. They’re looking to upgrade by adding a digital projector and replacing their HVAC system, so the non-profit Brattle Film Foundation is running a Kickstarter campaign to raise funds. It’s a worthy cause, particularly given the reality that we simply don’t want to watch movies on the pathetic little screens on our phones while spaghetti dogs bite our legs.1

As Kickstarter veterans will expect, there are rewards associated with the fundraiser. In addition to the usual t-shirts and other logowear, the Brattle is offering some rather atypical rewards. You could be included on the cover of one of the theatre’s bi-monthly calendars, or take over the entire balcony for a screening. Even better, for just $10,000, you could purchase the naming rights for the new HVAC system.2

Given the platonic crush on local boy-made-good/amnesiac bad-ass Matt Damon that all honest men have, it’s the second-to-last reward which is truly compelling:

Pledge $5,000 or more to meet Matt Damon and John Lithgow at the 2013 Harvard Arts Medal ceremony

However, paying five thousand bucks to meet Matt Damon and John Lithgow is a hell of a lot of pressure. I honestly can’t imagine what I’d say to a celebrity during a backstage meet-and-greet. Well, no, I know what I’d say to John Lithgow:

  • Outta the way, Lithgow, you’re interrupting my time with Matt Damon!3

As for Mr. Damon himself, though, I think I’d be at a loss. Rather than being out quite a bit of coin for the privilege of gawking stupidly, I’ve opted for one of the less expensive rewards. If you’re a movie fan in the Boston area, or if you think you’ve got what it takes to meet Matt Damon, you might consider donating to the Brattle’s Kickstarter campaign.


  1. While that’s certainly true, if you want to understand it, you’ll just have to watch the Kickstarter video (archived here). ↩︎

  2. The OneFootTsunami.com HVAC System still sounds better than O.co Coliseum. ↩︎

  3. Or maybe something about his ass. ↩︎

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