Ridiculous Products: Quiver

Say hello to Quiver, the one hundred fifty dollar over-the-shoulder wine pouch from Gräf & Lantz:

The Quiver Wine Holder
“Bonjoooour”, you just know Quiver would say.

Oh, I can practically hear you now. “What a cockamamie contraption”, you scoff, “And so expensive too”. Alright, Ms. or Mr. Cocksure. How exactly do you suggest folks transport the bottle of wine they carry around town on a such a regular basis that a special contrivance seems practically de rigueur? In a bag? Under their arm? People don’t actually need to carry wine around that often? Don’t be ridiculous. As to the cost, you simply can’t put a price on convenience.

No, Quiver is clearly the optimal solution. For the spendthrift alcoholic on the go, it makes toting your wine both easy and classy. Maybe you’ve lost your driver’s license after one too many DUIs and now find yourself forced to ride a bike everywhere. Quiver to the rescue! Or perhaps you just wish to look like some kind of besotted Robin Hood. If so, order now.

In Quiver, a surplus of gray felt and a glut of belts come together in harmony to answer the question “Can’t anyone please find a way to make wine even more pretentious?”. For that, it must be applauded. Unfortunately, though it’s made to order (or perhaps because it is), Quiver is perpetually out of stock. Though the product is offered on their website, there’s at decent chance that Gräf & Lantz has never actually sold one of these amazing wine satchels. Why not be the first to purchase?

Answer: Because doing so would make you a Dave Morin-level douchebag.