Corporate Communications

Thursday, April 4th, 2013

Recently, I’ve been amused at the communications from multiple different companies.


First up, while updating my billing info with my local high speed Internet and cable provider, I got this message:

What year is it?

Forty-five days is six and a half weeks. I’m not ordering x-ray specs from an ad in the back of Boys’ Life magazine; I’m just punching in a new a credit card number online. When same-day delivery of physical products ordered from the Internet is becoming a reality, it’s comically anachronistic to need a month and a half to change my auto-pay information.


Then there was this email from a sandwich shop:

Paul, Escape With Authentic, Handcrafted Pastas…

Exactly how depressing do you think my life is, Panera? This email is just insulting. And really, if I wanted an escape, I don’t think I’ll “take a trip to extraordinary” with pasta from a bread company.


It’s not all terrible turnaround times and cruel beliefs about my life, however. As they have before, Lufthansa brought me a bit of incidental joy:

Dear Mister Professor Doctor Kafasis

Amazing. It’s the addition of the “Dear” before the fantastic title which takes it beyond even the address label from 2011.

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