Corporate Communications

Recently, I’ve been amused at the communications from multiple different companies.


First up, while updating my billing info with my local high speed Internet and cable provider, I got this message:

What year is it?

Forty-five days is six and a half weeks. I’m not ordering x-ray specs from an ad in the back of Boys’ Life magazine; I’m just punching in a new a credit card number online. When same-day delivery of physical products ordered from the Internet is becoming a reality, it’s comically anachronistic to need a month and a half to change my auto-pay information.


Then there was this email from a sandwich shop:

Paul, Escape With Authentic, Handcrafted Pastas…

Exactly how depressing do you think my life is, Panera? This email is just insulting. And really, if I wanted an escape, I don’t think I’ll “take a trip to extraordinary” with pasta from a bread company.


It’s not all terrible turnaround times and cruel beliefs about my life, however. As they have before, Lufthansa brought me a bit of incidental joy:

Dear Mister Professor Doctor Kafasis

Amazing. It’s the addition of the “Dear” before the fantastic title which takes it beyond even the address label from 2011.