Earlier this week, the holiday season really kicked off, as my podcasting cohort Amy sent a seasonal floral arrangement my way. Perhaps in retaliation for the carpet-bombing of celebrity photos she received from me, she sent the “Santa Paws and His Best Reindeer™”, from the 1-800-Flowers “A-DOG-able®” collection. I did not answer the door bell when it rang, because honestly, who rings a door bell? Savages, that’s who. Anyhow, the delivery person opted to just leave these poor dogs in the snow.
I immediately shared it with the world via Instagram, because it’s…really something.
However, this remarkable gift has left me pondering many things.
Seven Questions About “Santa Paws and His Best Reindeer”
Just how far from the original word, “adorable” can you get and have it still be acceptable? Whatever the answer, 1-800-Flowers is well past that point.
The dogs sit in a wicker basket, and inside is just a foam floral block soaked in water. Thus, the bottom of the basket is sopping wet. What exactly am I supposed to do here? Is this a tub arrangement? “Oh, you can’t use the downstairs shower, the flower dogs are in there”.
What year is it? Amy attempted to instruct me to “[p]lease save the dog’s glasses”. Here’s how that poor apostrophe was mangled:
“Please save the Doga S glasses”
What the hell makes this one Santa’s “best” reindeer, anyway?
Is the reindeer a flower dog dressed as a reindeer, or is it just a flower reindeer?
Hang on. What the hell is Amy planning to do with these dog glasses, anyway?
Can you believe this is someone’s job?
I, for one, can not.