Bad Wax

I don’t know why wax museums exist in the modern era. When the earliest wax figures came into existence, it was well before the invention of photography, so they represented some of the only ways to see celebrities. Before the era of television, this was still a unique way to get up close and personal with representations of famous folks. With TV and the internet at our disposal, however, I just don’t understand how they stay in business. In fact, for years I’ve had a yen to travel around the country burning down wax museums, just to see these creepy doppelgängers melt.

And yet, for reasons I can’t fathom, the number of wax museums in the world recently increased. A new wax museum called “Dreamland” opened this summer in Boston, and it offers over 100 wax figures for the low, low price of $24.95 (or $14.95 if you get this coupon). Here are the first two figures I’ve seen from the outside, in reports on the new tourist trap:

It’s almost as bad as the real thing.

About the best I can say for this is that it looks like a person. It does not, however, look like any person I’ve ever seen before. It’s hideous, but in a way that’s almost entirely different from the awfulness that is America’s forty-fifth president.

A wax man wearing a Tom Brady jersey
This guy would not attract Hollywood actresses or supermodels.

Meanwhile, this looks like the artist used some random Patriots fan who happened to be wearing a Tom Brady jersey as the model. It’s like a caveman version of Tom Brady. The only thing worse are the Tom Brady courtroom sketches, because those don’t even look human.

Actually, I may have just cracked it. Perhaps modern-day wax museums exist for comic relief.