The Ever Loving Hell

If I ever (ha!) get a chance to name a ship, I'll do better than these.

You may recall that last March, a container ship named the “Ever Given” blocked the Suez Canal for almost a week. Recently, a sister ship from the same Evergreen Marine shipping company joined it in infamy. The hilariously named “Ever Forward” ran aground in the Chesapeake, and it stopped moving forward, or indeed anywhere at all. This time around, the transport was outside the shipping channel, and thus didn’t interfere with any other vessels. As a result, it was much less of a major news story. Still, I’ve been following it, and after more than a month of work, the ship is finally free.

This will surely not be the last giant boat to get stuck somewhere, and the odds are decent that the next one will be an Evergreen vessel too. The company operates a fleet of approximately 200 ships, and many of them follow that same rather strange “Ever ______” naming convention. Some are bland, like the “Ever United” or the “Ever Leader”. But many others are quite amusing. Let’s take a look at the names of a few of the Evergreen crafts we might see stuck in the not-too-distant future.

A Look at an Assortment of Names Given to Evergreen Vessels

  • Ever Ample, Ever Burly, Ever Mighty, Ever Strong
    Many of the names are like these, positive adjectives that are fitting when given to a massive ship.

  • Ever Dainty
    This particular ship is 294 meters long, and that is not any dainty.

  • Ever Clever
    It’s a container ship, so I doubt it’s very clever at all. Still, I appreciate the stupid rhyme.

  • Ever Forever
    Now that’s just redundant.

  • Ever Full, Ever Loading
    I hope not, as these names would imply container ships that are not very good at being container ships.

  • Ever Lasting
    Willy Wonka would like a word.

  • Ever Cozy
    My gosh but that sounds cozy!

  • Ever Chaste
    That sounds very boring. I think I’d rather go with the Ever Vulgar.

  • Ever After
    This is surely the happiest of ships.

  • Ever Unicorn
    As far as I can see, this ship doesn’t have a horn on the front of it. That’s a real missed opportunity.

  • Ever Clear
    If this one has a mishap in the future, odds are it will be because the captain was drinking.

  • Ever Alot
    “A lot” is a phrase. “Allot” is a word. “Alot” is not a word.

  • Ever Lucky
    “Ever Forward” might be the worst name for a ship that runs aground, but “Ever Lucky” is right up there too.

The above list is all real, save for one name, which I invented. Can you guess which one?

Click to reveal the answer

At present, the “Ever After” is not a ship in Evergreen’s fleet. I’m surprised!

If you’d like to explore the world of goofily-named “Ever ______” ships, you can head on over to just as I did.