Three liters is really quite a lot of vodka.
Wednesday, April 1st, 2026
Reader Micah C. pointed me to a story from Down Under, where a woman was recently convicted for the addition of googly eyes to sculpture.
While I do think the addition enhances the work, the use of Gorilla Glue is too much. Tsk! Also, recording your own crime and posting it online? Tsk again!
Her glee is infectious.
Tuesday, August 19th, 2025
Though this video of a grandmother and her granddaughter going to Walmart and googly eyeing up the place is a couple years old, it only just came to my attention.1
It was shared with me by friend-of-the-site Craig H., and now, I share it with you.
Footnotes:
It was everything I hoped it would be—a big, dumb rock in the parking lot of a Staples.
Friday, June 27th, 2025
Barely a week after I first wrote about Staples Rock, I found myself taking an unexpected day trip to Cape Cod. This was so serendipitous I couldn’t possibly miss the chance to visit the Cape’s newest attraction. Also, it was completely on my way.
As I pulled into the strip mall where Staples Rock resides, I was shocked to find a complete lack of lines or crowds. Sure, it was morning in the middle of the week, but it’s not as if the area was devoid of people. I saw several folks going into and out of various businesses, but all appeared oblivious to the splendor mere steps away. I was sad for them, but delighted for myself. More rock for me.
When I walked up to this marvel of nature, I could hardly believe I was in its presence. There it was, Staples Rock, in the flesh. Or mineral, anyhow. Check out all its majesty:
A hero ought to have a great origin story, and Staples Rock’s begins with an epic journey. It appears to be a “glacial erratic”, which is a delightful term for a boulder that was picked up by a glacier and carried outside the area where it originally formed. After a slow journey of hundreds of miles, it was deposited in what would later become Orleans, Massachusetts, and eventually covered up completely. Much more recently, it was unearthed during some sewage work in the parking lot. Classic hero stuff.
After workers brought the massive stone above ground, it was decided that it would be kept there, right outside Staples. Why? Because last year, a car barreled through the front of the store:
That’s so VWTASTB!
[Photo credit: Cape Cod Times]
No people were hurt, but that brick wall sure took some damage. As a result, when this big-ass boulder was found, someone facetiously suggested that it could serve as protection for the store. Joke or not, now, it does.
The evidence of that vehicular incident actually remains quite visible on site, by comparing the building’s two peaked roof turrets. One of them features an intact brick wall, much like the wall you can see in the photo above, only less Kool-Aid Man’ed:
That’s not the wall that took the hit, however. The victim wall is no longer brick:
Instead, the entire thing has been covered in classic Cape Cod cedar shingles. It’s certainly a choice. What they have not done is install any additional bollards, say right in front of the wall, which could prevent another drive-thru from being installed unexpectedly.
But then, even if the idea began as a joke, Staples Rock really is doing the job when it comes to protecting the store. I certainly didn’t see any cars drive through the wall in the seven minutes that I was there, anyhow.
I’ve been asked if I would describe this natural wonder as “breathtaking”. I don’t know about that, but I can tell you that it was eye-receiving. When I arrived, I was saddened to discover that Staples Rock had lost its googly eyes. That just wouldn’t do, so I made sure that it had a pair before I left:
After all, if we’re going to gaze long into Staples Rock, Staples Rock should also be able to gaze into us.
A contemplative Staples Rock
It’s a huge rock in a parking lot.
Tuesday, June 17th, 2025
Many is the tourist who has been disappointed by Plymouth Rock, a smaller-than-you-expect boulder that “symbolizes the historical disembarkation site of the Mayflower Pilgrims who founded Plymouth Colony in December 1620”. The rock has been moved several times and now sits under a granite canopy to prevent it from escaping. It also probably isn’t even the actual rock the Pilgrims first touched in Plymouth, which wasn’t even the first place they landed in North America.
By contrast, the complete history of Staples Rock in Orleans, Massachusetts is well-known.
I hope to visit this important historical artifact soon.
“The Society for Totally Useless Pranks and Immature Dumbassery” has my current favorite acronym of 2025.
Wednesday, January 1st, 2025
Friend-of-the-site Colin T. knows of my love of both truck-eating bridges and googly eyes. So naturally, he swiftly alerted me to the existence of Lansing, Michigan’s Big Penny.
My favorite part is the tally of trucks munched. We ought to bring that to Storrow Drive here in Boston.
How about “continue enhancing public art”?
Friday, December 13th, 2024
Recently, the city of Bend, Oregon issued a call to stop damaging public art. The damage they referred to was a result of the foolish removal of enhancements which had been made to sculptures found in the city’s roundabouts:
[Photo credit: City of Bend]
The adhesives can damage the statues, Bend officials caution.
The solution is obvious. Stop removing the googly eyes.
“A cross between a hammerhead shark and a marital aid”
Friday, September 20th, 2024
Five years ago, I met a robot named Marty who was working at the supermarket. It was somewhat disconcerting to be confronted with a near seven-foot-tall automaton while picking up cereal at Stop & Shop. Still, at least it looked cheerful:
[Photo courtesy of P. Kafasis]
In addition to an amusing pair of googly eyes, Marty featured a sticker mouth that explained its purpose. That mouthful read:
This store is monitored by Marty for your safety. Marty is an autonomous robot that uses image capturing technology to report spills, debris and other potential hazards to store employees to improve your shopping experience.
The same text was also seen featured lower down on Marty’s body, on a second sticker which included a portrait of the robot. I was initially confused by this duplication, but after some thought, I suspect it’s deliberate. The second sticker is right at kid level.
When I first spotted Marty back in 2019, it had planted itself in one spot, where it was quite literally crying over spilled milk. A human employee eventually came by to clean up the mess, muttering “Alright, Marty, alright. I got it, I got it.” While Marty could indeed detect spills, it was powerless to clean them.
Marty seemed like a fairly unnecessary addition, and the employee’s reaction indicated to me that it was far from a valued teammate. Five years later, however, Marty has leveled up in more ways than one. It’s gained new abilities and become a brand ambassador for Stop & Shop. Now, Boston Magazine has an enjoyable profile of the robot, which includes these details:
And here is the too-good-to-be-true-but-it’s-true part of the origin story: Before Marty’s official deployment in 2019, he was doing a pilot run at one of Stop & Shop’s sister stores, a Giant in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, when a store associate decided something was missing. She went to a craft store and bought a pair of stick-on eyes. Sometime thereafter, the robot started showing up in stores with a mouth—sometimes a coy smile, sometimes a grin wide enough to include a written message. And Stop & Shop finally gave him a name, which is technically an acronym for “Mobile Autonomous Robot Technology.”
That’s some solid work.
It’s not perfect, but we’ll take it.
Thursday, June 27th, 2024
Back in April, I wrote about the Googly Eyes on the MBTA movement. This effort aimed to have googly eyes placed on Boston’s subway and train cars, and included a demonstration in downtown Boston. Though the cause was righteous, I had little hope we’d see results.
How wrong I was! Please see this email from MBTA Director of Communications Joe Pesaturo, recently received by movement organizer Arielle Lok:
Yes, some of Boston’s rail cars now have googly eyes. Yesterday, one of the trains was spotted in the wild, and soon after, the T confirmed the story to WBUR reporter Nik DeCosta-Klipa.
In total, the T says they put the fake eyes on five vehicles — on the Green Line and the commuter rail.
“After receiving public suggestions, our team found a safe way to install these ‘googly’ eyes on a limited number of vehicles,” a T spokesman said.
It’s absolutely wonderful to see this silliness fulfilled. The world needs more whimsical nonsense. However, I find I must quibble with the MBTA’s implementation. A key aspect of googly eyes is that the move. As a train rumbles into a station, the eyes should be agog. Delightful those these eyes are, they appear to be static paint or stickers.
I can understand this is a simpler solution, one in which there need be no concern of the eyes falling off the train. I don’t wish to look a gift googly-eyed train in the mouth (just in the eyes). Still, for me, the true dream of googly eyes on the T remains but partially fulfilled.
Let’s have some fun while we wait too long for our trains.
Tuesday, April 9th, 2024
In recent years, Boston’s public transit system (colloquially known as “the T”) has been struggling mightily. Later this month, the people are marching for improvements:
As “Googly Eyes MBTA” notes, “If the trains can’t be reliable, at least they can be fun and bring a smile to the faces of over a million people per day”. I love it.
I would also be remiss if I did not note that some of us have been working on googly eyes for the T for nearly 15 years now.
I need to get back out there with my googly eyes.
Tuesday, September 24th, 2019
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