Previous “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest” posts

A New Blue Box Theory

The mailboxes are due on Maple Street.

Wednesday’s post “Adequately Explained by Stupidity” generated quite a few responses, which led to a deeper dive into the whole mess. In particular, readers Chris C., Chris D., and David F. helped me get to the bottom of things. Sadly for me, it seems likely that things are not quite as stupid as they initially appeared. Still, they’re at least a little stupid.

The first thing to note is that close inspection of the “after” image from the previous post shows that the mailbox may not be bolted down:

A crop showing two of the mailboxes feet, in its new location

You can see that there is a bolt in the foot on the right, but the other visible foot has no bolt at all. There’s also a loose bolt there on the sidewalk, just under the USPS logo. Looking more closely, I suspect the bolt on that front right foot is not in the ground at all.

Once this was brought to my attention, I took a closer look at the “before” image:

A crop showing all of the mailboxes feet, in its first, ludicrous, location

Though I passed by this box in its goofy between-two-benches location on multiple days, I confess I never confirmed it was bolted down. At a glance, it appeared to be. Now, however, that seems unlikely. We can see all four feet in the above picture, and only that front right foot has a bolt, which likely is not secured into the ground.

The second thing to note is that the sidewalk to the right of all this is new. You can see that in the first image above.

In the previous post, I linked to the location on Street View. Here’s a screenshot of the road from last October:

A view of more of Cambridge Street, the setting for all of this.

The sidewalk was in rough shape last year, whereas now there is freshly poured concrete. And if you look down the intersecting street, Maple Avenue, you’ll spot a USPS blue box. Here it is in another view:

A view from the side, on Maple Street

All of this leads me to a new theory of events. The city recently dug up and replaced the sidewalk at this corner, and when they did, they must have moved that collection box. It seems it was placed between the benches for some number of days or weeks, which was certainly fairly dumb, but at least it was only temporary.

With the sidewalk now finished, the box can be restored to its previous location down Maple, or secured on the busier Cambridge Street. That work is still to be done, at least someone moved the box out from between the benches.

The above detective work was completed using nothing but the photographic record and my keen insight. This morning, however, I again biked past this location. I stopped yet again, to review it in person.

I can now confirm that the box is indeed unsecured in the new location:

Confirmation that the box is unsecured

I actually had a letter to mail, so I made use of the box. Is it actually in service? I hope so.

Mailing a letter

This sign, also yet to be reinstalled, tells me this intersection has an official name. Ridiculously, Charles A. Brusch opted to be an MD, rather than a DMD or DDS.

A sign reading “Charles A. Brusch Square”

I also spotted this trash can sitting in the street, awaiting its own reinstallation:

Trash can on a concrete chunk

Stepping across the intersection, I roughly recreated the Street View side angle. As you can see, cones abound.

<Multiple cones, and one re-installed parking sign

While the sidewalk replacement itself may be done, the overall project is clearly not actually complete. They did manage to install a parking sign, but the box and other items haven’t yet been properly returned to their homes. The current state of things is quite sloppy. But at the very least, it seems likely there never was a plan to permanently install the collection box between the benches. Thank goodness.

Just When He Thought He Was Out 

They’re going to get that Netflix money.

The upcoming 4th of July (Observed) festivities will feature the return of (in)famous gurgitator Takeru Kobayashi. Just last month, he had announced his retirement from competitive eating. In September, however, he’ll be back for one last job.

The 4th of July (Observed) 

The September 2nd Edition

After yesterday’s disheartening news, One Foot Tsunami is delighted to inform our readers that the 4th of July is back on!

Sorry, Kids, No Fireworks This Year 

The New York Post is awful, but I have to give them credit for “a beef over vegan franks”.

One Foot Tsunami regrets to inform our readers that the 4th of July is cancelled.

Eat Fast, Die Young, and Leave a Bloated Corpse 

Hamburgers, by contrast, supposedly only cost you 7 minutes.

A recent study has claimed that every hot dog you eat takes 36 minutes off your life. That means that American hero Joey “Jaws” Chestnut has lost over a year of his life, just to wieners.

An Important Scientific Study 

It's not curing cancer. It's not even close.

Back on July 4th, champion gurgitator Joey Chestnut scarfed down a world-record 75 dogs in 10 minutes to win the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Could he have eaten more though? Science says yes!

In a scholarly research article entitled “Modelling the maximal active consumption rate and its plasticity in humans—perspectives from hot dog eating competitions”, physiologist James Smoliga asserts that a human being could consume a maximum out at 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Only time will tell if future competitors can approach, or even surpass, this theoretical maximum.

A COVID-19 Eating Contest 

With no crowd, the focus was even more on the awful spectacle of horrific consumption.

While I no longer cover the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest regularly, I still take occasional note of The Hideous Game. If you’ve ever had occasion to watch a food eating contest, you know that they anything but hygienic. And yet, even in the era of COVID-19, Major League Eating was intent on making sure this July 4th tradition was carried it.

The event was quite muted, but no less disgusting than usual. For those who are morbidly curious, Miki Sudo won the women’s contest for the 7th straight time, with a new women’s world record of 48.5 hot dogs and buns (HDBs). On the men’s side, Joey Chestnut captured his 12th title (and 6th straight), with a new world record of 75 HDBs.

That’s a Lot of Hot Dogs 

It is. It really is a lot of hot dogs.

As long-time readers know, this site once provided annual coverage of that most horrifying spectacle in all of sports: The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. While I’ve retired from the hectic life of a hot dog eating contest reporter, it’s impossible to avoid hearing about both the event and its most famous competitor, Joey Chestnut.

In 2015, the seemingly-impossible happened when Chestnut was defeated by Matt Stonie. However, Jaws has since retaken ownership of Coney Island, with four straight titles. The Washington Post has a look at Chestnut’s July 4th, 2019.

The King Is Dead 

Since 2009 this site has sought to provide unrivaled coverage of the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. In the recent tradition of other Internet writers, however, I no longer plan to cover the event. I’m content to have provided meta-commentary since 2009. Someone else can pick up the baton for the next 7 years.

But before I go, a link to the 2015 contest is in order. On Saturday, Matt “Megatoad” Stonie upset defending champion Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, downing 62 dogs to Chestnut’s 60. To be clear, despite the headline, Chestnut didn’t actually die. However, his run of eight championships in a row has ended. Chestnut’s defeat may have been a result of playing hurt, as he was nursing a broken heart:

After his victory last year, he dropped to one knee and proposed to his longtime girlfriend. They have since broken up.

How could a woman end a relationship with such a romantic? No doubt it had a negative impact on Chestnut, who simply couldn’t keep up with Stonie this year. One can only hope Chestnut’s heart will heal and he’ll be back in the hunt next year.

The 2014 Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest

With stomachs a-growing, and everyone telling you have a good Fourth, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Yes, it’s time once again for the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, and One Foot Tsunami is pleased to continue its tradition of providing coverage. As fans will know, in recent years, the live hot dog eating contest has been bumped off ESPN in favor of Wimbledon coverage. This year, the contest has been further marginalized, with ESPN 2 opting to show a World Cup quarterfinals game. Soccer, pfft. Sadly, it seems that the beautiful game of competitive eating is just not getting the respect it deserves. We won’t let that ruin our fun, however. To do so would be downright un-American. Let’s get into it.

The Women’s Contest

While a few women had previously competed alongside the men, in 2011, a separate women’s division was introduced. It features its own Pepto Pink belt, and a $20,000 prize for the winner, which matches the men. Since the introduction of the women’s category, eater Sonya Thomas has dominated, winning three consecutive titles and setting a women’s world record of 45 HDBs (that’s hot dogs and buns for you newcomers) in 2012. Nevertheless, despite putting up numbers that trump many of the men, Ms. Thomas and the rest of the women have always been marginalized. Their contest occurs earlier and is then ignominiously edited down for brief inclusion with the men’s coverage.

This year was perhaps the worst showing yet, with only the results being provided. It was actually quite a competition, one which could be viewed on ESPN 3 at 11:15 AM. Rookie eater Miki Sudo challenged Sonya Thomas to a hard-fought match. While Ms. Thomas’s world record remains, her streak of championships has come to an end. The rookie trumped Thomas, chowing down 34 HDBs to come away victorious. According to Ms. Sudo, though she was thrilled to win, “weather conditions got in the way” of a new world record. Perhaps next year.

Notes and Quotes

With the women out of the way in perfunctory fashion, ESPN was able to focus on the men’s competition. It’s clear this is where they believe the draw lies. They focused their reporting heavily on All-American champion Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, who stated before the event that he’d had “no breakfast today, not much yesterday, I’m empty and loose right now”. “Empty and loose”. Gross.

In addition to the scent of hot dogs, love was in the air today. ESPN showed what might be the absolute worst sporting event-based marriage proposal of all time, as Joey Chestnut proposed to his girlfriend Neslie Ricasa on stage in front of the crowd. Ms. Ricasa must have just been swept off her feet by the romance of it all, because she said yes, after which she stood front and center to watch Joey compete and be showered by his run-off. It’s well-known that 95% of marriages that begin with a ballpark proposal end in divorce, but I believe Joey and Neslie can beat those odds.

After airing the proposal, ESPN had a Sport Science segment entitled “The Science of Competitive Eating” which showed what 69 HDBs look like inside a human being. Even though it used a dummy instead of a real person, the segment somehow managed to be even more vile than seeing the real competitors. Have a look at these images:

An empty stomach
An empty stomach.

A stomach with 69 HDBs
A stomach with 69 HDBs.

In a word, Barvd 🙊. After that sickening display, it was time to introduce the contestants and start the match. As always, MC George Shea and his brother and commentator Rich Shea were in fine form. Here are some of their best quotes.

Describing how competitor Yasir Salem’s won a world burping championship:

  • …with a 16 second burp described by judges as ‘both mournful and optimistic’.

From the introduction for anti-health food eater Brian Dudzinski:

  • If you believe in science, than you have to believe processed food is superior to something someone dug out of the dirt. He has spent ten years maintaining a boycott against any healthy food…The closest he has ever been to a goji berry is a Cheeto.

On up-and-coming eater Matt Stonie:

  • Youth is a hunter. It hunts us all. And this young man, only 22 years of age, is hunting the greatest prize in all of history: Joey Chestnut, and the coveted mustard yellow belt.

Joey Chestnut’s pitch-perfect introduction, in its entirety, including an incongruous portion of The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” wherein Roger Daltry sings that he has “fought for [his] meals”:1:

  • Only moments from her womb, and before she even placed him to her breast, his mother held him close, and whispered in his ear. She said ‘You are of my flesh, but you are not mine own. Fate is your father [sic] and you belong to the people, for you shall lead the army of the free.’ And she held him high and the finger of power that destroys the unworthy descended, and it touched him on the forehead, and it anointed him the champion of the world, of now, and of always, of the fourth of July of the nation, of the free, under god!

Referring to Stonie’s chewing method, in topical fashion:

  • He’s got this Luis Suarez-type bite, which has no place in the game of fútbol, but it is welcome here at Coney Island.

Inappropriately describing Chestnut’s rhythm for eating:

  • Two meats, one bun.

Explaining the difficulty of eating the buns:

  • The buns are weighty, they’re like the hills of the Pyrenees for a Tour De France rider.

And finally, explaining the significance of Chestnut potentially winning his eighth-straight title:

  • I am not given to hyperbole, but if this happens, it’d be the greatest achievement in the history of man.

The Men’s Results

The men’s battle came down to the wire, and was one of the most dramatic in some time. Youngster Matt “Megatoad” Stonie defeated Joey Chestnut in several recent eating contests, and he was pitched as the challenger coming in. Sure enough, Stonie matched Chestnut throughout the contest, with the two battling back and forth for the lead in exciting and grotesque fashion. As Joey said in his post-contest interview, “it was just a dog fight the entire time”. Ba-dum ching.

Ultimately, while the kid had a whole lot in him, he didn’t have quite enough. Though Matt managed to down 56 HDBs, Joey powered through 61 HDBs to capture his eighth title. Megatoad is an exciting contender who just might end the champion’s run next year, but 2014 belonged to Joey Chestnut.

See For Yourself

If you want to see the full contest on TV, it’s airing at 2 PM on ESPN 2, and again at 6. Following that first TV broadcast, you could watch the Yankees take on the Twins at 3 PM. Alternately, you could do the right thing and flip to ESPN Classic. There, you’ll get a chance to see the 2007 Hot Dog Eating Contest, where Jaws put America on his back, and took down Takeru Kobayashi of Japan.

The Future

While British tennis and foreign “football” have ruled the airwaves today, there is hope for the future, as ESPN recently signed a 10-year deal to continue televising the hot dog eating contest. We can only hope they’ll afford it its due respect in future years. For now, this site will carry the torch.


Footnotes:

  1. Here’s an archive of the full introduction:

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