Loading Wood

Tuesday, December 11th, 2018

Two landscapers in Connecticut having given me the biggest WTF of the day, thanks to this story. A female landscaper was working at a customer’s home alongside her co-worker, Robert Somley, when he took a break.

After about 20 minutes, the woman went looking for Somley and found him in the home, standing there naked watching pornography on a laptop, police said.

Uh, wow. Huh. That’s…something.

When the woman questioned what Somley was doing, police said, he responded that he needed to relieve himself before continuing work.

Oh, sure, that makes sense then. That’s totally normal, just standing watching pornography on a laptop, naked as the day he was born. You know, like you do.

Police said the woman left and went back to loading wood on the trailer. But, after a short while, decided that she, too, needed to take a break.

Yeah, why should Somley get to have all the fun? Surely this woman has just as much right to strip down in a customer’s home and watch pornography while on the clock!

When she went back into the home this time, she found Somley naked and dribbling maple syrup on his body, police said.

Wait a second. What was he going to do if this woman didn’t come back in? Was the maple syrup just for his own enjoyment?

Police said the woman confessed that this sight was a “turn on” for her and she demanded to be allowed to participate.

The word “demanded” here really cracks me up.

In addition to the syrup, police said the couple engaged in foreplay with blueberry jelly.

Folks, what did we just read? My word. But the real capper is that the only reason we’re hearing about this is that Somley illegally taped this sugary encounter, and refused to delete the video when his co-worker made her second demand.

Update (December 12th, 2018): Robert Somley is now in jail, after threatening the victim in this case. As well, he was apparently not on a job at a customer’s house, but moving stuff out of a home from which he’d just been evicted. Not that that really makes this much better.


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