I continue to urge you, dear reader, to meat-ax your notifications. It’s a very good bet that you simply don’t need your phone to bother you as often as it does, and that you’ll be happier with most notifications turned off.

That said, notifications can occasionally provide a good laugh. Recently, I noticed a badge on the icon for the “My Verizon” app. I was curious what this could be about. I logged in to the app, and navigated to the messages area:

Well gosh, that sounds important! Is there some problem with my account? Perhaps my auto-payment method expired or is otherwise invalid? Don’t keep me in suspense, Verizon. What is the urgent message you have for me?

¡Ay, dios mio! And that, my friends, is how Verizon lost the ability to ever badge its app icon again.