I have so very many questions about this story of two people falling into a tank of chocolate, and I fear I will never get any answers.

“Fire crews have eliminated pulling them straight out of a tank,” Brad Wolfe, communications supervisor for Lancaster County 911 dispatch, told CNN earlier on Thursday. “They have to cut a hole in the side of the tank to get them out,” he said.

I can’t even fathom how cutting a hole in the tank became necessary.

Update (February 20, 2023): Some eight months later, fines were handed down in this matter. They totaled $14,502.