Previous “Election Watch 2016” posts

First 9-9-9, Then 9-1-1

And after that, a personal injury attorney.

Today is opening day for the 2026 MLB season, so let’s talk baseball. Actually, let’s talk food and drink at the ballgame, and the 9-9-9 challenge. This feat requires you to consume 9 hot dogs and slug back 9 beers within the 9 innings of a baseball game. It sounds both awful and incredibly expensive, so naturally, it’s quite popular.

The earliest reference to the challenge that I’ve found is a site called 999AllStar.com, which is sadly no longer online. Fortunately for us all, the invaluable Internet Archive has captures of the site back to 2004. They provide a delightful look into the past, and the site’s Rules page is particularly noteworthy. It contained a thematically appropriate nine rules, including:

  • Rule #2: You must have a designated driver to attempt the…Challenge.

  • Rule #4: One beer must equal a minimum of 12oz.

More on those in a moment.

While 999AllStar.com may be dead, the 9-9-9 challenge is more popular than ever. In fact, in the past year, it’s gone corporate. During the 2025 postseason, food service vendor Aramark sold an official 9-9-9 challenge box for Philadelphia Phillies games at Citizens Bank Park.

A 9-9-9 Challenge Box from 2025
[Photo credit: Aramark]

In 2026, the company is expanding the package to five additional ballparks.1 The offering is even being promoted by MLB itself.

Naturally, this called for a celebrity pitchman. Who better than hot dog eating champion Joey Chestnut to sidle into Oracle Park, slap on a poorly made Aramark jersey, and scarf some encased meat while chugging beers?

Joey Chestnut before eating and drinking
Before
[Photo credit: Aramark]

Joey Chestnut eating a mini hot dog
During
[Photo credit: Aramark]

Joey Chestnut after eating 70.5 hot dogs and buns, in a photo that
After…a very different event, demonstrating “The Agony of Victory

The above promotional photos show full-sized 12 ounce beer cans, but you can see that the actual serving glasses are rather small. Aramark states that their pre-packaged version of the challenge features nine “mini hot dogs”, as well as nine “flight‑sized” beers. I have been unable to determine exactly what that means, except that they’ve watered down the whole thing and broken rule #4. Both I and the Amarillo Sod Poodles know shenanigans when we see ’em.

The reasons for this bastardization are obvious enough, but the promotion still leaves me with a lot of questions.

QUESTIONS I HAVE ABOUT ARAMARK’S 9-9-9 CHALLENGE

  • Do they serve you all the dogs and beers at once?

    It sure seems like it, so I hope you’re ready to enjoy some cold dogs and warm beers after about inning number four.

  • What’s the total calorie count on this package?

    Even if “mini” means half-sized, that might be 1000-1500 calories for the hot dogs. Add in another 500-1000 calories for the beers.

  • Do they stop selling it after the first inning?

    Probably not. So just how close to the end of the game do you think you can buy nine beers at once?

  • Do you get to select your beer?

    Also probably not, though surprisingly, Coors Field does sell many non-Coors beers. That even includes arch-rival Budweiser.

  • Can you at least select a non-alcoholic beer?

    Hey, teetotalers deserve the chance to overdose on sodium and nitrates too.

  • Do you get to keep the glasses?

    I imagine you do. I cannot imagine what the hell a person does with nine miniature beer glasses branded with the logo of a single baseball team, adorable though they may be.

  • Just how much does this all cost?

    Whatever it is, it’s too much.

Given the newly commercial nature of the 9-9-9 challenge, the folks behind the defunct 999AllStar.com really ought to consider making it refunct.2 I doubt they sold much merchandise back in the day, but in 2026, they could clean up. Who wouldn’t want to wear this lovely t-shirt?

A shirt that details the challenge
Or, ya know, one with a better design.

You can take a gander at their old Merch page, but because it was 2004 and bandwidth hadn’t been invented yet, the images on it are hilariously small. If you squint, you may be able to make out the other items they had for sale, which included a baseball hat, a BBQ apron, and a baby bib. More than two decades on, I can still recognize the stink of CafePress. I’m shocked they weren’t selling thongs, too.

Anyhow, as a grassroots stunt invented by fans, the 9-9-9 challenge was good-if-inadvisable fun. I’m quite surprised to see a business getting in on it, however, even a business that makes its money selling food and drinks. They may have shrunk the portions, but it’s still some very excessive consumption.

Given MLB’s successful efforts to speed up the game, it seems particularly unwise to encourage fans to down nine beers, “flight-sized” though they may be. Unlike 999AllStar.com, Aramark has no rule requiring a designated driver. I punched some fuzzy numbers into several different BAC calculators, and they all showed that most people who complete this challenge would still be over America’s .08% legal limit to drive at the end of an average length game. But hey, maybe those tiny hot dog buns will soak up some of that alcohol.3

I’m calling it now. In a year or three, I’ll be here reporting on a wrongful death lawsuit against Aramark. When that time comes, the only surprise will be whether it relates to drunk driving, choking, or a heart attack.


Update (March 26, 2026): Then again, maybe it’ll be a class action lawsuit for deceptive advertising.


Footnotes:

  1. In addition to Citizens Bank Park (Phillies):

    A 9-9-9 Challenge Box
    [Photo credit: Aramark]

    you’ll find Aramark’s 9-9-9 challenge package at Citi Field (Mets):

    A 9-9-9 Challenge Box
    [Photo credit: Aramark]

    Coors Field (Rockies):

    A 9-9-9 Challenge Box
    [Photo credit: Aramark]

    Daikin Park (Astros):

    A 9-9-9 Challenge Box
    [Photo credit: Aramark]

    Kauffman Stadium (Royals):

    A 9-9-9 Challenge Box
    [Photo credit: Aramark]

    and Oracle Park (Giants):

    A 9-9-9 Challenge Box
    [Photo credit: Aramark]

    These promotional images were edited down from massive 30+ meg files which Aramark provided via Dropbox. I am delighted to think about someone staging this little tableau for a team, replete with a napkin of the proper color, then resetting the entire arrangement five more times. The least I could do was to include all six delightful images here.

    I’m afraid I must issue two demerits, however, because the Mets and the Astros images contain 10 beers, rather than 9. MLB’s social media post for this even notably excludes those two clubs. ↩︎

  2. A hat tip to my friends Todd R. and Rich W., who played bass and drums respectively in the late-aughts Cambridge band “Refunct” that inspired this dumb joke. Click here to stream a track. ↩︎

  3. Because my high school driver’s ed class needed to fulfill the “health” portion of the state-mandated curriculum, it contained a fair amount of information about alcohol. The intent was to discourage drunk driving, which is laudable. Still, our teacher Mr. Wilkinson was fully aware that many students were going to imbibe, so he shared the sage recommendation to avoid doing so on an empty stomach. His counsel was along the lines of “Eat some bread to slow things down”. It’s not the worst advice. ↩︎

Election Watch 2016: Election Day Edition

If you weren’t fortunate enough to vote early, today is the day to take action in America.

Things To Remember When You Vote Today

  • If you need any help voting, get all the relevant information via http://www.canivote.org.

  • The following states allow same-day registration for regular voting, so that even if you haven’t yet registered, you can still vote: Colorado, Connecticut, Washington, D.C., Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Maine, Minnesota, Montana, New Hampshire, Wisconsin, and Wyoming.

  • Your vote is crucial, and you should feel confident in exercising it as you see fit. If you believe you’re witnessing or experiencing voter intimidation, you should call the the national, nonpartisan Election Protection coalition at 866-687-8683.

  • If you’re already in line when the polls close, you get to vote. That’s the law, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

  • As Linda Sarsour sagely noted, if voting didn’t matter, no one would be trying to stop you from doing it. One party, the Republicans, sought to disenfranchise voters. One candidate, Donald Trump, hopes for victory by suppressing voter turnout. Remember that in the voting booth. Remember it in the future, as well.

  • We will get through this.

Election Watch 2016: November 7th Edition

The American presidential campaign that wouldn’t end has mercifully almost ended. Before it does, however, we still have important work to do in this country. We must each act to protect our nation from the very real threat of a Donald Trump presidency.

Things to Remember When Deciding How to Vote Tomorrow

  • Donald Trump is a compulsive liar, the likes of which I’ve never seen in a presidential candidate, or in any person, period. He lies about things that matter, and things that don’t, and he doesn’t stop lying despite being caught over, and over, and over again.

  • Donald Trump is also a vile bully, one so disturbingly petty that the defining characteristic of his presidential campaign has been an unending barrage of insults directed at hundreds of different targets.

  • Perhaps most alarming, it appears that Trump is a serial sexual assaulter. The man himself boasted in the most vulgar terms of assaulting unsuspecting women. After these boasts came to light, over a dozen women came forward to tell the world that they’d been victims. Trump responding by belittling their looks.

  • Donald Trump’s campaign appears to have taken his Twitter account away from him in recent days, as though he were a misbehaving child. These same people believe we should entrust Trump with the nuclear launch codes. No.

  • Hillary Clinton is not perfect, but she has been a dedicated and capable public servant for almost her entire life. You won’t agree with her on all the issues. You may disagree with her on almost everything. But Hillary Clinton is quite simply the only one of the two major candidates who is fit to be president.

When you go to your polling place tomorrow, vote wisely. Vote for someone who cares about the citizens of this nation. Vote for someone who has worked for decades to help make the world a better place. Vote for someone we can be proud of as the leader of our country.

Vote for Hillary Clinton!


Previously in Election Watch 2016:

Election Watch 2016: November 1st Edition

Update (November 6th, 2016): With less than two days until the election, FBI director James Comey has closed the matter once again, and again stated that Hillary Clinton should not be charged with any criminal conduct.

Unfortunately for the world, Hillary Clinton’s private email server is once again in the news, due to a pair of letters sent by FBI Director James Comey last Friday. A review of Comey’s actions throughout this investigation is rather informative, as is a look at what Comey wrote in his letter to people inside the FBI. It includes this key line:

…given that we don’t know the significance of this newly discovered collection of emails, I don’t want to create a misleading impression.

In short, the FBI doesn’t know what they’re looking at, but Comey felt he needed to tell Congress he was looking at something that might be relevant. To do so, he sent an unprecedented letter to the Republican chairmen of eight congressional committees, despite being advised not to do so. That letter has done exactly what he stated he didn’t want to do: created a misleading impression.

Ken Crossland has the definitive primer on the email controversy. Whether you think you’re well-versed in this matter, or you’re unsure what it’s all about, it’s worth a read. Finally, have a look at NPR’s review of the latest information. At present, it certainly appears that there is no new information, no new problems, and nothing new that should influence voters in the election. Hillary Clinton is still the most qualified candidate for president this election, and possibly ever. Meanwhile, Donald Trump remains a vile human who shouldn’t be anywhere near the Oval Office.

Finally, in slightly lighter news, the Yale Record does not endorse Hillary Clinton.

In particular, we do not endorse Hillary Clinton’s exemplary leadership during her 30 years in the public eye. We do not support her impressive commitment to serving and improving this country—a commitment to which she has dedicated her entire professional career. Because of unambiguous tax law, we do not encourage you to support the most qualified presidential candidate in modern American history, nor do we encourage all citizens to shatter the glass ceiling once and for all by electing Secretary Clinton on November 8.

Nobody Should Be Making This Harder for You 

“Elizabeth” is a 35-year-old woman who had to terminate a pregnancy at 32 weeks. Her story is harrowing, and something everyone should read, particularly in light of Donald Trump’s recent mischaracterizations. While this interview is four months old, it’s something women still deal with every single day.

Responding to Threats 

In over 125 years of existence, the Arizona Republic newspaper has never before endorsed a Democrat for president. As a result of the Republican’s disastrous nominee, that changed this year, and it’s led to quite the backlash. Now, their president has offered a tremendous response.

Election Watch 2016: October 18th Edition

We’re just three weeks away from the end of the horror show that is the 2016 American election season, and I for one can’t wait. But before then, it continues to be imperative to convince folks that voting for Donald Trump would be a huge mistake. Today, let’s talk about voter fraud, and voter intimidation.

In recent years, Republicans around the country have passed laws aimed at making it tougher to vote. The reason given for these laws is that we must crack down on voter fraud. The problem with these claims is that voter fraud is so rare as to be non-existent.

Meanwhile, after studying how various groups voted, North Carolina Republicans eliminated voting options favored by those who support opponents. For instance, after learning that voters of color disproportionally make use of early voting, its availability was greatly reduced. On the other hand, elderly voters who lean Republican use absentee voting more than most, and so it was left untouched. This is all simply shameful.

Now, Donald Trump has entered the fray. A spokesman for his campaign was quoted by Time saying they hope for low voter turnout, as it would favor Trump:

“We have no problems going deeper into the mud,” the adviser said. “A low-turnout election is better for us.”

If low turnout is good for you, you should re-think your whole campaign, and possibly your whole life. Democracy is about hearing from as many eligible voters as possible. Anyone who opposes that is headed right down the path toward tyranny.

More recently, Trump has repeatedly whined both broadly and non-specifically about the upcoming election being rigged. Is the election rigged? No! While there are justifiable concerns about things like paperless voting machines and the aforementioned legal changes which have made voting more difficult, America still has one of the most transparent election processes in the world. No one is going to steal the presidency from Donald Trump. He’s simply going to lose it on his own.

Of course, that only happens if all those who oppose Trump make it to the polls on November 8th. We must all refuse to be intimidated by Trump’s fear-mongering attempts at voter intimidation. His racist dog-whistle language must not be enough to swing the election in his favor. Make sure you’re registered to vote, then vote, and help others vote as well.

Register To Vote

Today (October 18th) is the last day to register in Oregon, Kansas, Minnesota, Florida (after multiple extensions, this is really last call), West Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey, and Maine. Tomorrow (October 19th) is the last day to register in Wisconsin, and my home state of Massachusetts. Get more information at https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote.

Election Watch 2016: October 11th Edition 

The furor over Trump’s most recent disgusting comments will likely ebb before the election in November. Donald Trump, however, will still be as incredibly unfit for the presidency as ever. Anyone still considering voting for Trump should give Tim Miller a quick read.

Miller has been a spokesman for Jeb Bush and other Republicans, as well as the Republican National Committee itself. He’s certainly no fan of Hillary Clinton, nor Democrats in general. Nevertheless, he’s written out six reasons Republicans should not vote for Trump in November.

Register To Vote

Today is the last day to register in Florida, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Georgia, Texas, New Mexico, Indiana, Louisiana, Tennessee, Arizona, Kentucky, and South Carolina. Get more information at https://www.usa.gov/register-to-vote.

Update (October 11th, 2016): A federal court ruling has extended Florida’s deadline by at least one day. Don’t delay, however, as Floridians currently have only until Wednesday, October 12th at 5 PM.

Election Watch 2016: October 4th Edition

It’s Tuesday, and the presidential campaign that seems like it may never end still hasn’t ended, so it’s once again time to encourage everyone to vote for Hillary Clinton. Today, let’s take a look at newspaper endorsements.

Perhaps most striking in this area is USA Today’s “anti-endorsement”. As a matter of policy, the paper has never endorsed a candidate. This year, however, they stated explicitly that Donald Trump is “unfit for the presidency.” As the Washington Post notes, USA Today is far from the only paper to steer clear of the Republican nominee. Of particular note are the many conservative papers who’ve declined to endorse Donald Trump, or even endorsed Hillary Clinton.

On Tuesday, the Arizona Republic editorial board endorsed Clinton, marking the first time it had backed a Democrat for president in its 126-year history. The Dallas Morning News, the Cincinnati Enquirer and the Houston Chronicle — all with traditionally conservative editorial pages — have also backed Clinton in recent months. The Enquirer has supported Republicans for president for nearly a century. The Morning News hadn’t backed a Democrat for the White House since before World War II.

As of today, Donald Trump has exactly zero newspaper endorsements, while Libertarian fringe candidate Gary Johnson has six. Hillary Clinton has 23, including 9 papers that endorsed Republican Mitt Romney in 2012. As Ezra Klein wrote, this election isn’t Democrat vs. Republican, it’s normal vs. abnormal. There is only one viable option on November 8th, and that is Hillary Clinton.

Register To Vote

As previously mentioned, you can register to vote at vote.org. If you think you’re already registered, check your status there to confirm. Once that’s set, talk to your friends, talk to your relatives, and talk to your neighbors. This world would be a far, far worse place with Donald Trump in the Oval Office, but we can prevent that.

Donald Trump Should Not Be President 

The first presidential debate occurred last night, making it an apt time to link to a recent op-ed from the New York Times. In it, they provide a detailed look at just some of the problems with Donald Trump. I’ll be voting for Hillary Clinton in November, and I strongly urge all of my American readers to do the same. This is not a political site, but then, this is not a political decision. Donald Trump is categorically unfit to be president, and were he to win the election, it would be disastrous for both our country and the world. Let us do all we can to avoid that possibility.

First things first, register to vote at vote.org. If you think you’re already registered, check your status there to confirm.